


Show Me the Light in My Dark

by pinksocksandflipflops



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Boruto is Sad, Cheating, Complicated Relationships, Difficult Decisions, Dreams, Drinking, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Family Bonding, Friendship, Heartbreak, Honor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Infidelity, Kawaki - Freeform, Love Confessions, Memories, Mutual Pining, Non-Graphic Smut, POV First Person, Pining, Post-5th Great Ninja War, Post-Canon, Post-Kawaki, Post-War, References to Depression, Romance, Sarada is Sad, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, This road will be a rocky one, Wounds, idk maybe, super slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21620797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinksocksandflipflops/pseuds/pinksocksandflipflops
Summary: Sarada is driven, ambitious and determined to reach her goal of becoming Hokage, not for herself, but for the people of the Hidden Leaf Village who were left devastated after a great betrayal and an ugly war.  She has been preparing herself for this responsibility for her whole life and she won't give it up for anything, even if that means having to swallow her pain and hide her tears.Boruto has always wanted to find his own way, different than that of his father, but the loss of a brother and his spiraling self doubt as the protector of his home, his family and his friends has left him unsure of himself and the path that he is on and he finds himself unable to move on from past pain.Through it all, they've been there for each other, but something has changed.
Relationships: Uchiha Sarada/Uzumaki Boruto
Comments: 66
Kudos: 75





	1. The Things that Hurt - Boruto

**Author's Note:**

> In this story, Boruto and Sarada are both 23 years old. The setting is in the years following Kawaki and the 5th Great Ninja War.  
> (They were about 20 when it happened, instead of being teens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have a good heart and you think the good thing is to be guilty and kind, but it's not always kind to be gentle and soft, there's a genuine violence softness and kindness visit on people. Sometimes self-interested is the most generous thing you can be. "
> 
> ― Tony Kushner
> 
> Edited [12.03.19]

_I woke up to the sound of explosions erupting around me. A dull throbbing pounded behind my eyes. Light reflected violently against my eyelids. I flinched away, rolling over and curling in on myself. The grittiness of the dirt was scratchy on my face, sticking to the sweat on my cheek. I coughed and warmth fell from my lips. I didn't have to open my eyes to know what it was. I wanted to cry out, but I stayed quiet. My brain begged for the dark relief that sleep would bring me, if only I would let myself fall into it again._

_No.... I had to get up. I needed to fight._

_I rolled and lifted myself onto my hands and knees, eyes opening and immediately being met with the unforgiving rays of the hot sun hovering above my back, the harsh brightness covering everything. I couldn't see anything yet. I listened, but heard no signs of battle around me. As my eyes adjusted, slowly I began to scan, with blurry vision, the area around me. My heart sank in a sickening way and pounded uncomfortably in my stomach. Cold sweat ran down the back of my neck giving me chills. My eyes ran over the scene again with eyes now overly crisp in their clearness. Bodies lined the field for as far as the eye could see. They were everywhere, piled on top of each other in large heaps of blood and limbs. I could feel acid beginning to rise in the back of my throat. I leaned over as it escaped my mouth and my nose in a burning rush._

_I didn't understand anything. I couldn't remember...No, in my gut I think I already knew. It was him, though this time he had done it. The age of the shinobi was truly over, and I had done nothing to stop the end from coming. I couldn’t stop him. My fists clenched tightly as I felt the threat of tears beginning to well in the corners of my eyes._

"Boruto." A voice spoke suddenly to my right.

_I whipped my head around quickly to face the one who spoke my name. It was my dad. I stood, wobbling to my feet and stumbling toward him before falling back to my knees in a fragile heap before him._

_"Dad...What...happened here?" My throat felt raw, voice coming out in a croak. I was unsure if I wanted to know the answer, though I was certain I already knew what he would tell me._

_I watched my father take in the scene before us, his face void of feeling and in that state unrecognizable to me. I focused on him, unable to look at the horror surrounding us for a second longer._

_"Boruto... Konoha has been destroyed," The unnatural darkness in his voice sent a rush of cold down my back, “Everyone is dead-“_

_With tears welling in my eyes I managed to gasp a single word, "no." Frantically, I clutched at the pain in my chest and repeated the frail protest in a whisper, "no.."_

_"-Because of you."_

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep *Beep*

"Boruto! Get up! Your alarm!" The irritated voice of the woman lying beside me, along with a few strategically placed jabs with a slender elbow served to yank me from my nightmare. For once, I was thankful for her irritability in the morning.

I pushed the thin blanket off of my lower body and swung my legs off of the bed, running my fingers shakily through my damp hair.

She had been spending the night more regularly than usual. Before, it had been limited to the nights I had off, but now she was here even when I wasn't. Though, I couldn’t remember ever giving her a key. It really didn’t matter that much to me. Even though it wasn't something that I really wanted, it wasn't something that I had the heart to tell her to stop doing either.

I glanced at her lazily over my shoulder. She had already fallen back to sleep, lying on her back with the blanket draped across her tan, toned stomach. My eyes lingered on the parts of her body that remained uncovered by the cotton fabric. It was summer, so she was barely wearing anything at all. I watched as her chest rose and fell in sync with her breathing. The top was cropped and thin, showing off the outline of her breasts as they pressed against the too tight, slightly transparent material. I looked away quickly, rubbing the rough stubble on my chin with heavy lidded eyes.

It had been weeks, maybe even a month since I had last touched her in that way. It wasn't her fault. She was beautiful and very...motivated, but I couldn’t. I attributed the disinterest to lack of sleep, but I was lying to myself just as much as I was lying to her. 

I let my head fall to the side and back onto my pillow, my legs still hanging off of the side of the bed. I stared at the clock absently, watching the red numbers flash and change. The guilt felt heavy in the pit of my stomach. A deep sigh escaped my lips.

"Hey, What is it?" Mika's sleepy voice cut through the silence, pulling me from the edge of my of self-loathing.

"It's nothing. Just thinking, I guess." I replied, trying to sound as light and casual as possible.

She seemed to know better than that, "Boruto....I can tell something is wrong. You can talk to me." A warm, dainty hand pulled me onto my back and rest on top of my chest. I could feel her breath tickling the side of my cheek.

"It's nothing." I repeated, trying to reassure her, "Just tired."

I paused. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to trust someone else, anyone else with these jagged pieces of me, but there was something there in the back of my mind that made me think that in allowing myself to be open, I was also putting myself at risk for more damage to be done. Even still, I tried to will myself to let it out for just the smallest amount of relief that sharing the burden, even the tiniest piece of it, might bring, "Since...Hm.."

His face flashed in my mind, but I couldn't get my lips to produce the name. My eyes squeezed shut fearfully, attempting to banish the images and memories that had begun to play in my head. Thinking of him was still too painful. I wasn't ready to relive it yet. I realized that I couldn't talk to _her_ about this either. It's not something that she could understand anyway. She hadn't been there.

"Our missions have just been longer lately and days off are harder to come by right now. It'll probably slow down pretty soon. So, don't worry." I tried to reassure her. 

While that was the truth, she didn't need to know that I had requested an even heavier workload than required.

Being away seemed to help the most. Perhaps that was the reason for Sasuke's prolonged absence when Sarada was a child. It hadn’t made much sense to me back then, but I could understand it now. There was just too much pain still left here. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of it. 

"You know I can't do that." She spoke softly, nuzzling into the nape of my neck.

There it was again; the crippling guilt, the creeping dread.

I didn't respond.

"Well...maybe, I could...help you relax?" Her hand slowly slid down my chest as she began kissing at my jawline.

I felt myself tense and cleared my throat to try to hide it. Gently, I pulled out of her arms, feeling her disappointment lying thickly over my skin in the places that she had touched me.

"I'm sorry. I should really get going. I'm probably going to be late as it is...Um..but maybe tonight.." I shuffled to the door of the bedroom with my clothes and gear clenched tightly in my fists, unable to fully look at her in my shame.

"Uh...Okay..." Her voice cracked, "I love you." It sounded more like a question than an admission.

The words made me feel small and weak because I couldn’t find it in me to be honest with her, weak because I found it easier to callously disregard her love than allow myself to be open to it and weaker still, because, although, I was disgusted by my behavior, I did nothing at all to stop it.

No, instead, I mumbled something incoherent back to her as I closed the bedroom door between us and quickly made my escape into the morning.

It was around 7:45 in the morning. I was supposed to be at my dad's office in 30 minutes. It would take me less than 5 to get there from my apartment. I had some time, so I decided to stop by to see my mom. She was most likely alone at this time of morning, unless Himawari was running late, which wouldn't be much of a surprise. She may have inherited her appearance and her byakugan from our mother, but she had inherited the old man’s knack for consistently being late.

I opened the front door and stepped, "Mom! Are you here?" I called out.

"Y-yes! Be right there!" My mother's light voice called back from somewhere deep inside the house.

I shuffled my feet and made my way to the kitchen. There were traces of life lighting up the room, chairs slightly shifted out of place, a plate still left on the table with small traces of food still left over from breakfast earlier that morning and a couple of dishes floating in the sink. It was warm here. I felt lighter.

I made my way over to the sink and began washing the handful of dishes as I waited for my mother. By the time I heard her feet padding up the hallway toward the kitchen, I was nearly done with them. I turned to look at her as she entered.

"Boruto, I'm glad you came by.” A small smile touched her features, “Would you like something to eat?"

"No, thanks. I really need to get going anyway. I just wanted to drop by and see you for a couple of minutes before I went up to dad's office."

"Oh, I'm glad you did. I'm happy to see you.” She hesitated for a moment, considering me softly, “um, but...you seem really down. Are you alright?"

I turned back to the dishes when I felt my face fall. Her all seeing eyes burned holes in my back. I felt small again, like when I was a kid. I couldn't tell her, but a tiny part of me just wanted her to hold me, like back then.

"Yeah," I could barely hear my own voice when I responded. I could feel her concern radiating off of my back.

"Mom, I'm fine. Just tired, is all.” I pulled the stopper in the sink out to let the water drain and turned again, leaning my back against the counter and giving her the best smile I could muster as I rubbed the back of my head.

She nodded slowly, mulling over my words, "Oh...well...Mika has been staying with you rather frequently." Her face turned rosy as she made the statement shyly.

My eyes widened. I was too surprised to say anything for a few seconds.

"M-MOM! No, that's not it at all!" I screeched in my defense, waving my hands out in front of my body nervously.

I slid my way over to the front door hastily before the conversation could go any further in the direction of Mika and called over my shoulder quickly as I fled, “I've got to go, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Oh, um.. See you later, Boruto. Please say hello to your father for me!" She waved after me as her other hand pressed against her lips. She seemed to be trying to hold in a laugh. It was nice to see her smiling again, especially after everything, even if it was at my expense.

For a moment I felt alright again, but the guilt caught ahold of me as soon as I passed the front gate of my family home and I recalled the topic of our conversation. It was bad enough that I felt like I was leading Mika down a dead end path, but to lead my parents down that same path... I could only image what my mother would think of me.

I knew that I had to end the relationship between Mika and I soon. It was never going to work and I knew that. She deserved better anyway. She was a beautiful, successful, intelligent and kind woman who had such a bright future ahead of her. She didn't deserve a man who could only give her half of his heart. I wasn't being fair to her.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the double doors that lead to my father's office. I heard voices deep in conversation on the other side of the doors and hesitated before knocking. I heard my father clearly, but the other man’s voice was a touch too quiet for me to pinpoint. I couldn't quite hear what they were discussing at first, but my ears perked at the sound of my friend and teammate's name being spoken.

"So, I heard the good news! Why didn't you say anything?" There was a pause as my dad waited on a response, but when he didn't get one, he continued, "Congratulations, you must be very proud. Shigeru is an honorable shinobi. I can't imagine there being a more perfect person for Sarada to marry. Not only that, but think of how this will solidify the alliance between our villages." My father’s voice was cheerful. I could tell by his tone that he was smiling from ear to ear.

"Hn..Who it is doesn't matter to me. My only concern is for her happiness." Came the ever neutral voice of Sasuke Uchiha, the father of the kunoichi, who was apparently newly engaged.

My mouth went completely dry when the news fully processed, swallowing became difficult. My jaw tightened in an attempt to control the frustration that I felt.

I absolutely despised Shigeru. True enough, he was a great shinobi from a prestigious clan in his village. He was a diplomat that had come here seeking a peaceful alliance between Konohagakure and his home, Ihaigakure. 

Sarada had been named as my father's successor almost a year ago. Sometime in the next few years, she would take his place as the 8th Hokage. It was only natural that she would play a very involved role in the council that handled those types of meetings. It was during these many visits and meetings that Sarada and he had met and gotten close. Needless to say, they had spent nearly every day together for the past 8 months, countless hours that had inevitably resulted in this engagement.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

I started, nearly jumping out of my shoes.

I turned to see Sarada standing behind me with a curious expression. I hadn't even sensed her approach.

"N-nothing! Just waiting on you and Mitsuki to get here," I replied, nervously rubbing the back of my head, “I was early.”

She tilted her head and her brow furrowed softly, curiosity still tugging at her delicate features, "Hn..Whatever....We better get in there." She leaned past me and knocked twice on one of the wooden doors. Her hair brushed my cheek softly as she moved and I felt myself tense.

"Enter!"

Sarada pushed the doors open to reveal my father sitting behind his desk, his hands joined together in front of him. Sasuke, however, was no where to be seen.

"Good morning, Lord Seventh." Sarada greeted her mentor warmly.

"Good morning, Sarada. Boruto." He responded in a similarly warm cadence, "..and congratulations by the way, Sarada."

Sarada flushed and cleared her throat, "Um, thank you."

"So, what's up? You needed to see us?" I inquired airily, changing the subject quickly and earning a couple of pointed glances in my direction from my father's assistants.

A faint knock at the door sounded behind us, interrupting their disapproving stares. Mitsuki was here. Perfect timing.

Mitsuki opened the door and smiled apologetically. "My apologies, Lord Hokage."

"No worries, Mitsuki. We were just getting started." Dad replied kindly. "Alright, now that we're all here, let's get down to business!" He smirked and then placed both of his hands behind his head.

"I have a mission that is of utmost importance,” he began, “Shigeru has informed our council of Ihaigakure's need for military reformation. In order to continue promoting peace between our villages, we have agreed to send some of our forces to aid them in this process. Sasuke and Shikamaru have been there the past week gathering information and meeting with their council and military leaders in order to formulate a strategy. Sasuke confirmed with me this morning that the council and leaders are ready and awaiting our assistance as we speak...."

Sasuke had not even been here. Typical. If he knew, and he wasn't even here in the village, the engagement must not have been a terribly recent development. So, why did I seem to be the last to know?

"....I will also be sending Shikadai, Inojin, and Cho Cho as well. Sasuke will be in charge of your team once you arrive. Shigeru will be accompanying you on your journey. Sarada will inform you of any other important information that I may have missed on the way." He looked between us, "Any questions?"

We glanced at each other out of the corner of our eyes to make sure that we were all satisfied with the information given to us.

Dad nodded, "Alright, be ready to leave tomorrow at dawn. You are dismissed."

"Yes, Sir." We spoke in unison and within the blink of an eye Sarada and Mitsuki were gone from the room. Only my father and I remained.

"Something wrong, Boruto?" Dad studied me as I stood awkwardly in front of him.

"Ah, it's nothing..Just, um, wanted to let you know that mom said hello." I rubbed the back of my head, looking anywhere but at my father's face.

"huh, is that all? Are you sure?" Skepticism was clear in his voice, though he picked up a scroll and began reading it.

"Yeah...”. I shifted my weight between my feet and tapped the top of his desk with my fingers absently, “So, Sarada is engaged now, huh?" I tried to sound disinterested, but it probably didn't translate that way.

He smirked, seeming not to notice my tone, but didn't look up from the parchment, "Yeah, you have all grown up so quickly. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was having to send out shadow clones on a daily basis just to keep you out of trouble. You were a hand full." His tired eyes lifted and they glazed over as the memories began to play in his mind. He smiled fondly then chuckled.

I smirked and laughed with him, remembering all of the hell that I used to put him through as a kid, "I didn't make it easy on you, that's for sure."

He laughed out loud at that, "You've got that right! But, hey, I can't blame you completely. I was the same way when I was that age, ya know!"

"You’re forgetting who put a train car in the side of your idiot face.” I joked, the atmosphere was beginning to grow lighter around me again, “You had nothing on me, old man.”

"Tch. Sounds like you're challenging me!" he replied with a smug grin.

A handful of knocks sounded loudly at the the door behind me. My father blinked and I watched as he melted away right before my eyes. In his place sat the Hokage, the leader, protector and hero of the village, a far more familiar role to me than that of my father.

"Enter." 

I glanced over my shoulder to observe Shikadai and the rest of the ino-shika-cho trio piling into the room, here for their portion of the mission briefing. I took it as my cue to leave.

His eyes looked over at me apologetically. I gave him a small smile in return.

This was something that I had become accustomed to over the years, after all. If was more difficult as a kid, but as a man now, myself, I understood what his sacrifice meant for our village. His role and its importance to Konoha’s survival was paramount. The last three years were a testament to that. Fighting alongside him during the war finally allowed me to see what I hadn’t before. I learned to accept our relationship as it was. I was finally at peace with the fact that I had to share my father with the people of the Hidden Leaf Village. He was as much mine as he was theirs.

For a long time, I resented him and the title of Hokage for that very reason. I was angry all the time and put him and, in doing so, my family through hell because of it. With all of the issues that he had to face, I hadn't made it any easier on him by trying to make trouble. I knew that now.

I never intended to do any actual harm with the pranks and the outbursts and I think he probably understood that more than I realized. I just wanted him to see me back then. I wanted him to be proud of me. What I hadn't realized until three years ago was that it didn't matter what I did or who I ended up being. My dad would always be proud of me, and I would be proud of him too.

"I'll catch you later, old man." I said as I made my way toward the door with one hand raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa! So, I created this in 2016 and posted it for like five minutes, then took it down. I got really into Boruto/Naruto again, so I’m motivated and I want to rework this and finally finish it. :)
> 
> Anyway, I've been working on some other stories as well, but I needed a break from that and thought that rewriting these might be a little easier on me. Fortunately, I had 6 chapters worth of drafts for this story already written. I told myself I wouldn't go crazy with rewrites, but knowing me and my indecisiveness, who knows how this will end up. 
> 
> So, thanks for reading this story...and my ramblings. <3


	2. Mother's Daughter - Sarada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste its bitterness."
> 
> -nizariat
> 
> Edited [12.04.19]

As I walked down one of the quieter streets of Konoha, I felt a presence approaching me from behind. I recognized it right away, but decided to ignore it and keep walking, hoping that maybe he’d take the hint and move on. Unlikely, but after being cooped up in countless meetings, with him in attendance for most them, I really didn't feel like being around anyone at the moment, especially the certain someone who was swiftly closing the distance between us.

"Sarada, Good morning!” A deep male voice spoke behind me in an attempt to gain my attention. “How did the briefing go? Do you know when we will be leaving?" 

I paused, turning my face slightly toward the sound and glanced at the man from over my shoulder, "It was fine. We'll be leaving tomorrow at dawn." I replied coolly.

"Fantastic! I can't wait to be home. You'll love it there." He was beside me now, so I started to walk again.

He began speaking about his village, family, teammates, friends and other various topics. He was excited, but he was droning. I kept quiet and pretended to listen as I lost myself in my own thoughts.

Thoughts that brought me swiftly to Boruto. He hadn't said anything this morning at the briefing when his father congratulated me. I had anticipated that he would at least say something annoying or rude about it, but he had flat out ignored it and changed the subject. Though, honestly, in that moment I was equally as confused by his actions as I was thankful for them. 

Something between us had shifted in the past six months and our relationship had begun to noticeably strain. I wasn't sure what had started it, but the catalyst seemed to be the man walking beside me. The last year in general had been difficult for our friendship, with my recommendation for Hokage becoming solidified, and between shadowing the Hokage and taking care of all of my other responsibilities, Boruto's lack of presence in the village, and Mitsuki's work with ANBU we weren't able to come together as a team like we had in the past. 

I reasoned that it could just be that Boruto was being over protective, as he had always been of his friends, but his disdain toward the other man only seemed to worsen as the relationship between Shigeru and I progressed. No matter what angle I looked at it in, I couldn't understand it. Shigeru was a great man. He was hardworking, dependable and an excellent shinobi that came from a powerful clan in Ihaigakure. We shared similar interests, beliefs and even goals. Everyone else seemed to liked him, even my father, which was a shocking realization in and of itself. To his credit, Boruto's attitude toward him never seemed to phase Shigeru. He was polite to a fault and always made a point to be friendly with Boruto for my sake, but to no avail. Boruto refused to be civil. He seemed to not even want to try. He wouldn't even give him a chance, which was so far removed from the person that he had always been, and that by itself had begun to rub me the wrong way.

Maybe it was Boruto just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. Shigeru could definitely be annoyingly persistent at times, but if Boruto would just give him a chance he would see that the man has a good heart and that he is a suitable match for me....

Though, The vague sense of uneasiness in the back of my mind suggested that I wasn't sure if I actually believed that myself.

"Anyway, what do you think, Sarada?" the sound of my name jolted me out of my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

He chuckled "I was just saying how great it would be to get married there in the spring, when everything is in bloom." He looked up at the sky thoughtfully.

"Oh, um..that sounds nice.." I replied, picking at the hem of my coat sleeve distractedly.

"You don't sound so sure." He glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

"Oh, that would be fine. I just really haven't put much thought into it." I confessed sheepishly.

"I know it's only been a few days, but I guess I'm just excited," he sighed, smile growing wider to reveal his teeth, " Anyway, I thought it would just be nice, given the fact that I'll be living here full time once we're married. I couldn't really ask the future Hokage to abandon her village to come live with me, now could I?" he turned his head, smile turning small and sweet.

"Hn..I suppose you're right. That sounds like a fine idea to me." I half smiled back at him. Though I had to admit, planning a wedding was the furthest thing from my mind.

"Great!" He chimed as he leaned in to kiss me. I turned my head on instinct, letting his lips plant on my left cheek softly.

I felt the back of my neck and face heat up and tried to avert my eyes, "Look, I better get going. I've got some things that I need to take care of at the hospital before we leave in the morning. I'll see you later on, Okay?"

The same sweet, patient smile still spread across his handsome face. Nothing I said ever seemed to upset him or, If it did, he never showed it. I felt my eyes narrow at him. Some people could just be _too_ nice, I decided with mild annoyance pinching my features.

"Alright. Well, I'll see you at dawn then." 

"See you at dawn." I repeated in a monotone as I turned to walk away from him.

Finally, I could be alone for a moment.

I was already almost a block away when I heard his voice call out after me, "Oh, and Sarada?"

I turned to him, trying to hide my exasperation as best as I could, "Yes?" 

"I love you."

Of all the times to say something like that! And to do it so perfectly? He seemed the embodiment of warmth and confidence in that moment, his voice unmistakably clear. I wondered how he could seem so relaxed and sure of himself and his words when all I seemed to feel was uncertainty. 

He watched me, patiently as ever, as I let the words circle around in my head with wide eyes and a pursed brow. My lips parted slightly as I tried to gather a breath and any courage that might be lingering in the air around me. 

His head tilted in anticipation of my response, still calm and relaxed as if I weren't floundering helplessly right in front of him. What a complete disaster. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead for being such an idiot. 

"Uh, me too." I managed to stutter, grimacing at the identifiable uncertainty in my voice. I cursed myself inwardly as I turned to take my leave, and in my distraction, nearly rammed face first into a fence post in the process. I darted away quickly, like a started animal, cursing under my breath and holding my face in horror of my complete idiocy.

Blood filled the sink as I washed my hands after what felt like a day that would never end. "Checking in on a few things" had turned into a near 10 hours shift of nonstop chaos.

The last 3 hours had been a complete nightmare. We had done everything in our power but, unfortunately, the damage had been too severe, and the person had not made it.

Head hung, I stared at the pink tinged water disappearing down the drain. It never got any easier.

I turned the water off and dried my hands carefully. Letting out a deep sigh, I made my way to the hospital exit. Days like this made the past feel nearer, the memories scratched at the back of my brain to remind me that they were still there. They said time healed all things, but time seemed irrelevant to my memories. I would rather take a punch to the gut than relive those things right now, not after the day I'd had. 

It was dusk. The cool summer air felt good on my clammy skin. I walked toward my parents' home. I needed to see my mother. Just being near her always seemed to give me comfort. I had so many thoughts circling in my brain that it was becoming difficult for me to think clearly and I couldn’t afford that right now, not on this mission especially.

I opened the door and called out to her, "Mom, I'm here."

"Sarada! In here!" My brother called from the kitchen.

"Tsutomu, how're you this evening?" I smiled at my younger brother as I was met with the warm glow of the kitchen.

"I'm fine! I'm just trying to prepare. I have an exam tomorrow." He replied, motioning toward the books lying open in front of him on the table.

My mother was at the stove, preparing dinner. She turned in my direction and smiled.

"Sarada, I'm glad you came by! I'm just finishing dinner up now!" She informed me cheerfully. 

"Perfect timing." I hummed, hovering next to her near the stove .

She watched me carefully out of the corner of her eye as she tended to the bubbling pot in front of her. Maybe she saw the difficulties of the day etched all over my face. Usually I was good at hiding those things, but she'd dealt with my dad enough to see through things like that. Without warning, she curled her arm around my back at my waist and placed her head softly on my shoulder. I leaned my head against hers and placed my hand on her back, returning the light embrace. My eyes close and I let out a long sigh.

"It's hard to believe that you're taller than me now." She breathed, voice a little shaky and threatening to turn into tears.

"Mom..." I mumbled, keeping my eyes closed. She had always been the emotional one of the family, "Where is this coming from?" 

"Oh," she laughed, "Well, I guess with the engagement I'm feeling a little sentimental. Sometimes I can't believe it...That you came from me," She said, giving my waist a little squeeze with her hand, "I'm just so proud to be your mother." 

I wanted to share in her happiness, but it only seemed to make me feel even heavier. If she knew what I was thinking, would she still be so proud? I wanted to tell her the truth, but how could I when she was so happy that she was standing in the kitchen weeping? I couldn't help but feel frustrated and confused and angry because I was feeling that way. Nothing was making sense anymore.

It hadn't been like this before the engagement. I felt fine, happy at times even. Now when I thought of the man that I was about to marry, I only felt dread and the kindness and patience that he showered me in only made me feel worse.

I squeezed my mother harder, exasperated by the emotions overwhelming me. She seemed to feel the the shift in my mood and held me there until I was ready for us to part. 

I sighed heavily again, breaking the embrace and placing my hand up to my forehead. She leaned on the counter and looked at me expectantly, but didn't pressure me to say anything. 

She looked passed me to my brother after a moment, "Tsutomu, why don't you put your homework away and get ready for dinner?" 

Tsutomu looked between us suspiciously, then shrugged before gathering his things and moving into another part of the house. 

My mother waited, eyes lingering in the direction that he had gone quietly before turning her attention back to me. Her head leaned to the side in a question, eyes just as soft and warm as her earlier embrace had been.

"Mom...Don't look at me like that." I laughed dryly, hands finding each other behind my back as my eyes fell to the floor.

"hm." She shifted on her feet, "That's your tell, you know?" 

My nose scrunched and I finally looked up, letting my hands fall to my sides. What an irritating ability being the wife and mother of Uchiha had given her. 

I stayed silent, working the thoughts around in my head until I was worse off than when I started. I looked at her. I don't know what for, maybe permission or reassurance that it was okay to say what I was about to tell her. There was a smile on her face, ever patient and understanding. She had this strange way of never pushing you to say anything to the point where you wanted to tell her everything. I sighed. 

"I thought that it was the right choice..." I began, "but now I don't know and I feel stuck."

She closed the distance between us and placed a hand on my cheek, wiping away the wetness there with the pad of her thumb. I hadn't realized that I was crying. 

"Sarada- Remember, I know how you think. Think about _why_ you're doing it. Is it because this is what you think people expect from you or are you doing this for love?" She spoke softly, "No one expects you to marry someone in the name of diplomacy. Your dad and I would never allow it." 

A sob threatened to escape my chest, but I managed to hold it back enough for it to only seem like a sharp, angry sigh. Though, it wasn't because that was how I felt. That was a piece of it, yes, but it was too minuscule to give any merit. No, there was something else there that I couldn't explain, buried a little deeper and just out of my grasp...something that I dared not even let my self think on too long for fear of what I might find.

"I know, mom." My voice was shaky. I closed my eyes, fearing that she could see the truth in them. 

Suddenly, a small fire erupted from the forgotten pot behind us. Mom squealed, her eyes widening in disbelief, "What the...." She yelled, shielding her face with her hands.

"I've got it!" Tsutomu yelled excitedly, emerging from the hallway where he had been eavesdropping, and making a couple of quick hand signs, "Water-Style water torrent Justu!" a small stream of water that probably couldn't even put out the flame of a hand lighter squirted toward the fire, causing a sizzling sound followed by a puff of steam.

"Damnit!" Whined Tsutomu as he surveyed the aftermath of his failed Justu.

"HEY, WATCH IT!" Mom's fists tightened and her teeth clenched.

I laughed nervously, "Yeah, Tsutomu, be careful or she may knock the house down again."

"SHANARO! THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" She yelled, the fire still steadily burning behind her, forgotten for the moment.

"Um, mom, the fire." I pointed past her to the small flames still flickering and she squealed again.

"Why do these things always happen to me??" She groaned as she pulled a fire extinguisher out from underneath the sink and went to work on squelching the flames.

I turned my attention to my brother, the evidence of the previous conversation already vanished from my face, "Where are the twins?"

"Daichi mentioned something about training with some other kid, and Yuudai probably wanted to go watch. I don't know for sure though." Tsutomu shrugged as he retreated back from where he had come.

"I'll go look for them. I want to make sure that I see them before I leave. I'm not sure how long this mission is going to last." I told my mother, though she was distracted by the chaos atop the stove and didn't respond.

As I made my way to the door, I heard her calling out after me, "Sarada, do you mind picking something up for dinner while you're out?" She asked, accompanied by a nervous laugh. 

I felt a smirk pulling at my lips, "Sure, no problem!" I called back.

I made my way toward one of the training grounds close to where my parents' lived. Most likely, I would find them there. It was a 10 minute walk there and back and, luckily, there was a place on the way where I could pick up some take away as well. 

The path I took was completely vacant, not a soul to be seen. Which was a comfort for me after the long day that I'd had suffocated by people and wracked in turmoil. It gave me time to think. Truthfully, the fire in the kitchen had been a blessing. What more could mother have uncovered if our talk had gone on uninterrupted? I shuddered at the thought. Though, It had felt good to finally admit it someone else. 

I shook my head and bit my lip. 

Poor Shigeru. I couldn't help but feel that I was already failing him as a spouse and our marriage had not even begun yet. Mom used to always say that we were connected to dad through our feelings. If that were the case, It felt like he and I were already doomed. 

As I walked, mulling over the mess in my mind, I passed a small pond with a couple of benches facing the water. I noticed a tuft of blond in the distance on the side of the pond opposite of the path. His presence was familiar. It felt like warmth, like being in mom's kitchen earlier.

"Boruto." I called to him. He perked up when he heard his name.

I walked over to him with my hands in my pockets and took a seat next to him. We didn't say anything for a while. We just sat, soaking in the presence of the other person. Then, in typical Boruto fashion, he spoke up first breaking the comfortable silence between us.

"Why didn't you tell me that it had gotten that serious?" He questioned, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

My nose wrinkled. After all this time, this is what he had chosen to discuss right off the bat?

I considered the question and my response carefully, "Hn..I suppose I hadn't really realized that it had." I wanted to remind him that it wasn't really any of his business, but I bit my tongue.

He didn't seem convinced, though he chose to let it go, "Regardless, You're one of my closest friends, and I have to find out that you're ENGAGED through an overheard conversation?" He shot back, emphasizing the offending word, hostility lacing his tone, "Does Mitsuki know?"

"Look, I didn't come over here to fight with you..." I sighed deeply, unable to fully look at him. Fighting seemed to be all we ever did lately, but I could admit that he was in the right on this one. I should have told him. Telling everyone else had been surprisingly easy, but with Boruto things had always been a little different.

"So, he does know," Boruto sighed, betrayal and frustration passed in waves across his features, as if fighting each other for dominance. I hated that I hurt him, but I was angry at him too. It was his fault that this had become so difficult.

I watched him think for a moment, afraid that if I spoke now, I would scream or shake him or both.

His expression shifted into something much softer, cooling my anger almost immediately, "Gah, Sorry. I just don't think you and Shigeru are right for each other. He's a total loser..." Boruto mumbled.

I gave him a sideways glance, "Shigeru is a nice man and you know it." I told him, making him roll his eyes. 

"Whatever. I guess what I have to say doesn't matter." He was back to being irritated again and clearly incapable of speaking about this rationally. It was clear that he was at his wit's end with me and I was almost right there with him.

It had been like this for the past six months. Every conversation that we had turned into an argument, no matter what we talked about. It wasn’t like when we were kids, when the arguments were more mild and stemmed from rivalry. These were petty and meant to dig, and we both knew each other's angles better than we cared to admit. 

"It does matter, but you're not making any sense! I don't understand your issue with Shigeru specifically." I tried to keep from showing my anger, but I had a feeling that my mother's temper was about to make an appearance in me.

"It's nothing." Boruto replied back shortly. His features were pinched and his mouth was set in a perfectly straight line.

"If you're pressing it this much, it’s not nothing." I shot back mimicking his foul mood.

It had been a shitty day and this was just adding fuel to an already blazing fire. I was tired of it, of all of this. I wanted it to end, “You forget that I know you better than anyone.”

"Tch. You say that like I don't know you just as well," He shot back venomously. A heavy pause lingered between us for a moment, "Do you even love him?" 

The question caught me off guard for a second, but as soon as I recovered my temper flared and overtook me. The day had left me raw and frazzled, there would be no reigning it back in now.

"Why the HELL would you ask me that?!" I felt the angry words burning my lips as they left my mouth, "You Prick! What about you and Mika, huh? You don't have any right asking me things like that when you've been stringing that girl along for the past year."

It was a low blow, but so was what he had said. Mitsuki had mentioned that they had been having problems for a while now, specifically centered around the fact that after a year of dating, Boruto had yet to propose.

I didn't want to hurt him, but I was tired of this and my emotions were already beyond my ability to control. It had just kind of slipped out before my brain realized the weight of what I was saying, my damned temper to blame. I felt guilty the instant the words left my lips, but I had already decided that I wouldn't be the one to apologize to him, especially after he had just questioned my intentions so blatantly. 

"...That's over, I'm ending it." he told me, the words tumbling out in a rush.

My head whipped around to look at his face. His eyes were dark, staring ahead but unfocused, like he wasn't really looking at anything. He looked completely detached from the fact that he was planning on ending things with the woman he'd been with for the past year.

"What? Why?" It was a dumb question to ask knowing what I knew about their relationship, but to hear him say it made my heart pound uncomfortably and I couldn't really focus on logic all that well anymore.

He sighed, "I don't know. It just isn't working. I don't see a future for us."

I looked at him blankly, steeling myself. We had been best friends long enough for me to know when he was not telling the full truth.

"Oh." I spoke carefully, " Well, are you going to be alright?" I reached for him, but hesitated when I felt my hand shaking. No, I needed to stop this nonsense. He was my friend, afterall. He needed me now. I placed my hand on his knee anyway, despite the trembling. The contact caused him to jump and I tried to act like I didn't notice.

"I'm fine. I just....look, this isn't about me. I just don't want you to make a mistake. He's not the person for you. I am your friend and I am telling you that this is a bad decision." His words came out in a rush. I could hear the plea in his tone, but I didn't understand it completely. His hands were clenched in his lap, knuckles white from the pressure.

He wasn't making sense. For the life of me, I couldn't understand him. I couldn't get in his head on this one. It made me sick to my stomach to realize that something precious had been broken between us and I could no longer reach him like before.

I didn't respond because, for once, I didn’t have a snide remark or condescending rebuttal to throw back at him. I kept my eyes locked on the water in front of me. We were silent for what seemed like an eternity.

"Just answer my question and I won't bring it up anymore. Do you... Do you love him, Sarada?"

My jaw twitched with the weight of my words as I spoke them, "Yes, of course I do."

I heard my siblings training before I saw them. Metal clashed against metal. The training grounds were enclosed by trees and were open in the middle. Yuudai was sitting against a wide tree watching his brother and classmate intently. His green eyes shimmered in the light of the moon. I watched them silently in the shadows for a moment. They were growing so fast. I could feel the pride swelling in my heart.

Yuudai’s face lit up at the sight of me, "Big Sister!" He cheered.

Daichi dropped his guard after hearing his brother’s voice and looked at me with the same enthusiasm, nearly getting knocked down by the swift kick of his opponent.

"Are you guys training hard?" I asked, extending my hand to Daichi and pulling him to his feet.

"Yeah! We've got to make our family proud!" Daichi declared, clenching one fist and puffing his chest out.

I laughed at his response.

"Well, you can't get strong on an empty stomach, now can you?” I hummed, pressing two finger tips to Yuudai’s forehead.

Yuudai scrunched his nose as he felt the spot with his hand then giggled.

I smirked at their tired faces, "Come on, we've got to pick up some food. Mom accidentally made a campfire out of dinner."

“AGAIN?” The boys whined in unison.

They leapt after me, chattering loudly to each other, but my mind remained in another place, somewhere by the water. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 should be ready by the end of the week. :) 
> 
> I really appreciate the comments and support so far. It definitely keeps me motivated to continue! So, thanks! <3


	3. Unseen - Boruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”  
> ― Chuck Palahniuk

I never knew such a short combination of words had the power to devastate me so completely. I’d spent most of the last hour trying to figure out if I felt like crying or screaming. It seemed to change from moment to moment.

The rest of my time was spent turning over her words in my mind, looking for even the smallest cracks to fill with the last little bit of hope that I had left. While her words held some semblance of finality, I couldn’t help but feel as though something had still been left unresolved. It was irrational, but I let myself run with it for the moment because I wasn’t really sure how to cope with knowing that I was going to lose her soon. 

The glass in my hand was doing an okay job of keeping the worst of it at bay for now, but the morning promised to bring a whole new level of difficulty and this time I would have to face it sober. 

“I didn’t know you liked sake.” 

I jumped, cursing as my hand knocked into the glass, spilling the rest of its contents onto the counter. I quickly grabbed at a napkin and dabbed at the mess unsuccessfully before the bartender came and took over. I apologized quietly and gave a quick nod when he noticed my empty bottle and offered a replacement. 

Over the years, I had gotten used to Mitsuki showing up unexpectedly like this but between the thoughts of Sarada and the alcohol induced haze I was in, I wasn’t really in the most present states of mind. 

“Mitsuki...Hey.” I greeted, tapping my index finger against the counter. 

“Hey,” He repeated. I could feel his wide, golden eyes following my movements, making me scowl self consciously.

“What?” I asked, my voice a little sharper than intended. 

Though, Mitsuki didn’t seem to mind the irritation in my tone. His demeanor remained pleasant and relaxed as his head tilted to the side. 

“You seem upset.” He observed. 

An annoyed sound came from the back of my throat. I took a drink of the newly filled glass before responding, “Yeah.” 

“Does it have anything to do with Sarada’s engagement?” He asked, a little too bluntly. 

I cringed at the sound of her name and that word coupled together. I put the glass down, hitting the counter with a sharp thud in my distraction. 

Sometimes I wondered if he could actually read minds when he said things like that. There was so much I still didn’t know about him even now, so it wouldn’t surprise me if this was just one of those things that he had conveniently forgotten to mention in the past decade. 

He smiled apologetically. Reaching over to the bottle beside me, he poured a glass for himself and sipped it tentatively, “You should talk to her.” he suggested, as if I hadn’t already thought of that, as if it were the easiest solution in the world. 

“I have.” I countered quickly, gripping the glass tightly before lifting it to my lips again.

Mitsuki followed suit with another, longer sip. The heat of the liquid not seeming to phase him in the slightest, “That’s not really true.” 

“And how would you know that?” I hissed quietly. Annoyed, I turned to look at him with narrowed eyes.

Mitsuki smiled thoughtfully, letting his oddly colored eyes stare into mine. As a kid it used to be completely unnerving to me when he did this, but we’ve been friends for nearly 11 years now. His mannerisms were just as normal to me as anyone else’s. 

The answer was there between us without him having to even say it. I cursed under my breath and turned to my glass, taking a much longer drink than before and emptying it with a loud gulp. 

Mitsuki followed suit, taking another long drink as well.

I watched him silently until his glass was sitting back on the counter top, “You know you don’t have to drink that. I’m fine drinking alone.”

“I know,” Mitsuki answered, eyes squinting slightly as he smiled, “But you don’t have to.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head with a ghost of a laugh, a small smile lingering on my lips. 

Mitsuki was odd, but he was a good friend. I didn’t really deserve him either, I realized bitterly. It was likely that no one else in the entire village knew where I was right now, apart from him. In his typical way, he had sought me out before I even knew that I needed him. Sure, he’d seen me through worse moments, but I hated that he was seeing me this way and I felt guilty that I’d lost my temper with him so easily. Though, I didn’t worry that he was hurt or bothered by it. He had always seemed to see and understand things that other people couldn’t, and I knew he understood now as well.

“Ah..Well,” I shifted awkwardly in my seat, “She doesn’t feel the same, anyway.” I said finally.

Mitsuki just smiled in the way that he always did, like he already knew everything and was just waiting on me to catch up. _Definitely_ a mind reader.

My eyes narrowed again, “What?” 

“Hm,” Mitsuki hummed, placing a hand on his chin, “Do you remember the mission that took us to the Land of Mountains? 

The very mention of the place made me grimace, “I nearly got us all killed. How could I forget?”

The boy beside me shook his head and said with a bemused laugh, “You always focus on the wrong things.”

  
  


_We were 15 at the time and on a mission to gather intelligence on a possible assassination attempt on the Daimyō of the Land of Mountains. It was Sarada’s first captain assignment. We hadn’t realized until later on that the whole thing had been doomed from the beginning. It was hard for any of us to admit at the time, but we were in over our heads._

_A plot had been hatched to turn the Land of Fire against the Land of Mountains in order to cause upheaval and conflict between the nations. It had also included an eventual assassination attempt, but not the one that we had been assigned to uncover. Instead, the Land of Fire would be the target. All they needed was an excuse and they intended for that excuse to be us, spies from another nation sneaking around and gathering intelligence on their government. Of course, pieces of this had been unknown to us until after the fact._

_Our assigned medic, the fourth member of our unit, was revealed as a double agent working for the Land of Mountains, but not before she was able to deal a serious blow to my chest with a chakra infused Kunai. It was no one’s fault but my own and certainly not Sarada’s. In fact, if Mitsuki hadn’t noticed and intervened when he did, the blow could have been much worse. It could have easily killed me, and I wouldn’t have even seen it coming._

_The wound was awful, bloody, gaping and raw but the mission had become so compromised by that point that between running and fighting off the enemy, there was no time left for anything else. Stopping was out of the question._

_The best I could do was keep pressure on the wound with my left hand and fend off attacks with my Chokutō in my right as we ran for our lives. Roughy 20 enemy shinobi had been tailing us as we made our way toward the border and they were getting closer by the second. Mitsuki was out in front leading the way and Sarada stayed behind me, yelling at us to keep moving and pressing me forward when I seemed to slow._

_"We have to get to the mountains up ahead! It may be the only chance we have to get away from them or at least get some distance between us until we can make it to the border!" She yelled._

_We pushed forward, acknowledging her orders and the reality that they held. It was at least a two day journey to The Land of Fire’s border at our current pace and it would take another two days to get to Konoha after that. Until we reached the border we wouldn't be safe, and even then safety was not guaranteed._

_“Can you make it?” She called over my shoulder._

_I wasn’t sure. My wound was worsening by the second and my limbs were growing heavier and heavier with each step I took ._

_"Yes." I managed to get out through clenched teeth, but my vision was already beginning to speckle with black._

_I faltered, my concentration exhausted, but felt her hand on my lower back pressing me forward. My feet were too heavy and they caused me to stumble. In a swift motion, Sarada grabbed my shirt in her fist and came up beside me, pulling me close to her side so that she could support my full weight._

_We managed that way another 50 yards before I began to drift in and out of consciousness._

_"Stop!" Sarada called ahead to Mitsuki suddenly. The other boy doubled back swiftly and met us as we sat beneath the shadow of a large tree. The subtle unease that I saw in his features as he looked at me was unnerving. I wobbled slightly, the blood loss stealing the final bit of my balance, and landed in a seated position against the tree, breathing hard and loud and out of rhythm._

_“Do you feel that, Mitsuki?” Sarada whispered, eyes flashing red._

_“Yeah.” Mitsuki responded solemnly, “A chakra inhibitor.”_

_Sarada nodded as her sharingan roved over our surroundings briefly, “As I thought,” she scowled, “They’re too small for the average eye to see. That’s why we didn’t notice them before. They’re being disguised by the particles in the air. Who knows how long we’ve been breathing them in.” Her fist hit the ground. A large crack appeared underneath the force. “Damn!”_

_“The enemy is approaching. I can already sense their chaka close by. It could be seconds." Mitsuki reminded us, eyes darting across our surroundings in anticipation._

_“Damn!” She repeated, crouching down beside me. I managed to lift my eyes to look up at her. Her face was edged in concentrated. Though, even after everything, somehow she still managed to look fearless. Her eyes were flaming with the sharingan, it seemed wild once it was no longer trapped by the frame of her glasses, like she could set the world around us aflame with a single look. Blood was trickling down a thick cut on the bottom of her lip and onto her chin. Her eyes flickered to mine for a long second that seemed to exist outside of time._

_“We need to go.” Mitsuki urged, crouching down on the other side of me and placing a hand on my shoulder._

_"I know!” She growled, “but there is no way that Boruto will make it if I don't do something for him now.” She began working on me without waiting for Mitsuki’s response, “I'm just going to try to stop the bleeding for now.”_

_A tense moment passed after the bloodied portion of my shirt had been peeled away to reveal the full extent of my injury. Her hands felt cold against my burning skin, but I no longer felt pain there._

_Sarada’s jaw clenched and I felt my heart sink, “Mitsuki- After this you need to reroute and take him to the Land of Sound. The border should only be a few hours from here if you head in that direction,” she said pointing past him, “You know where all of the hideouts are located, right? Most of them have medical facilities?”_

_Mitsuki gave a nod._

_“Take him there. Send word of the situation to the Leaf as soon as he is stable.”_

_Mitsuki’s hand tightened on my shoulder, “And you?” he asked._

_“I'll distract them. Lead them away… Do my best to hold them off and keep them away from you as long as I am able. There is no time for any objection, so don't even try. This information is too sensitive to delay any more than we already are. You have to find a way to send word to the village as soon as you can, but first you have to get him out of here.”_

_I felt Mitsuki’s hands come underneath my arms as Sarada’s pulled away from me._

_"No.." I whispered, my arms flailing after her wildly with the realization of what she was saying._

_She brought her face down into my line of sight and looked at me with her lips pinched together in a tight smile, "Everything will be fine... I promise ." Her voice was stern, almost convincing me. I could see the red of her sharingan glistening in the light breaking through the trees above us._

_"No. .." I groaned again as Mitsuki pulled me away. I was able to muster up enough strength to break away from him, only to fall forward onto my hands and knees._

_"Shut the hell up and listen to me for once, you idiot!" She yelled from above me._

_I looked up at her and that was when I noticed that her vest was not the only thing that was glistening red in the light, making me realize why she had chosen to stay behind. It was her or me._

_"You-" I started, but she cut me off swiftly._

_"Shut up, Boruto. Please, just shut up..." She sighed, angling herself away from us, “Mitsuki get going.”_

_I could feel my heart coming back to life in my chest. Blood soaked the bandages she had wrapped there as I struggled against the other boy._

_"Sa...rada...." I huffed against Mitsuki’s shoulder, staring through the clouding space between us._

_‘It's going to be okay.’_

_She hadn’t said it, but I saw it in the softness of her eyes as she looked back at us one last time before I fell into darkness._

Pain bloomed behind my eyes, throbbing in sync with the quickened beat of my heart. I grimaced at the glass in my hand, suddenly not in the mood for its contents anymore, “What’s your point, Mitsuki?” I grumbled. 

“It’s obvious isn’t it?” He countered, gold eyes catching the light as he turned to look at me.

My eyes narrowed back at him. 

He gave me a small smirk in return, “The success of that mission depended solely on the information that only we possessed. Yet, upon seeing the extent of your wound she chose to send you and I in the opposite direction, away from the village, which delayed the delivery of that information from reaching the hokage by days.” Mitsuki paused, watching me think on his words for a moment before continuing on, “In short, She completely disregarded protocol and endangered Konoha’s safety in doing so, all to save you.” 

I blew an unimpressed huff out of my nose, “And? I would have done the same for you. You would have done the same for her.” I reasoned, “We’re a team. We’re friends.”

“Ah. Well, You’re probably right.” Mitsuki shrugged thoughtfully, “Anyway, She asked me not to say any more about it to you. We both knew how much you placed the blame on yourself.”

I felt my jaw tighten, “And you decided that now would be a good time to bring it up? It’s been years.”

“It served no other purpose than to hurt you further, before today,” He responded honestly, “I’m only trying to be helpful.”

I scoffed,“Well you’re doing a hell of a job.” 

“Boruto, just listen.” Mitsuki’s voice was different now, slightly removed from the breezy tone he typically spoke in. 

My eyes flashed over to him silently, feeling slightly more sober than a moment ago. 

“What do you think happened when the truth about what occurred during that mission was revealed?”

“W-what?” I sputtered. 

Truthfully, I hadn’t even thought about it at the time. I assumed that all was well once the information had been transferred and we’d all come back alive. 

I hadn’t attended the debriefing of the mission directly, due to the fact that I was unconscious in a hospital bed for the first few days after being returned to the village. Mitsuki had been the one to relay most of the information to me later on, though I was realizing now that he had left out a few key pieces. 

“Didn’t you find it odd that Sarada began working at the hospital shortly after all of this?” He questioned lightly. 

“What?” I repeated, brain feeling slightly scratchy as memories from back then began to resurface.

It wasn’t unusual for Mitsuki to speak in vague statements like this, but I was in no mood for that tonight. After the last six months of trying to read between the lines with Sarada, the last thing I wanted to do was do that with him. I knew that it wasn’t his intention to hurt me, but this was not the time or the place for this conversation. Whatever he was implying didn’t matter anyway. That was in the past and, whatever it was, it should stay there because it wouldn’t change anything now. It wouldn’t erase how Sarada and I had treated each other these past months or the things we had said. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was engaged to someone else.

A surge of annoyance and exasperation flew through me.“Damn it, Mitsuki, just spit it out! What the hell are you getting at?”

Mitsuki’s head fell to the side again, his brows furrowed, “You know exactly what I’m saying,” He sighed heavily and pushed away from the counter before standing, “but until you’re able to see it for yourself, there is no point in continuing this conversation.”

My fists slammed onto the countertop, causing the glasses to wobble and clank. I breathed out a long, shaky breath. 

“How can I see something that isn’t there?!” My voice was frantic, desperately searching for the answer as the question lingered in the air between us. 

“As I said,” The other boy placed a few bills on the counter then glanced back up, “You’re always focusing on the wrong things.”

Further frustrated, I could only shake my head. I stared down at my hands and what they held. I took a drink, savoring the slow burn that the liquid trailed down my throat.

Mitsuki lingered a moment longer, then spoke softly as his hand cupped my shoulder, “Go home soon. Tomorrow will be difficult if you keep this up.” 

I scowled at the double meaning, but nodded anyway. With that, he was gone and I was alone with my thoughts and a half empty glass. 

The dread of tomorrow began to seep into my bones again, bringing about a deep coldness that weighed heavy in the pit of my stomach. 

I let my eyes close, heavy with sleep and liquor. The memories snuck into the darkness behind my lids slowly, surprising me in their vividity.

  
  


_I could still recall the look on her face when I saw her for the first time after she had come back home. Her eyes were tired, unusually dark but they lit up when they found mine from across the room. I remembered the elation and breathlessness of it when our bodies pressed together into a tight embrace. My chest ached, where my wound was still healing, from the contact but letting go of her then would’ve felt like inviting in the possibility that it was all a dream. The warmth between our chests and her hot breath against my neck solidified her existence in a way that just seeing her couldn’t have._

_If I could choose a moment to live in for the rest of my life, it would be that early morning, sitting on top of crumpled white sheets holding her in my arms, the fear of losing her still fresh in my mind but fading softly, quietly against the warm waves of relief washing through me._

_I realized I was crying when I felt the wetness of her hair brushing against my cheek as she shifted against me_. 

_“Sorry.” I whispered against her hair, “I’m so sorry.”_

_She pulled away, but my hands lingered on her arms, still reluctant to let her go completely._

_Her head was shaking, a ghost of a smile on her lips, “I was afraid that you hadn’t made it.” She said with a slight tremble in her voice._

_I had nearly forgotten about my own brush with death entirely until her words brought back the pain shooting in my chest._

_I couldn’t really understand it either. After what she had gone through, judging by the marks on her body and the hollowness in her cheeks, somehow she was still concerned about me. Selfless to a fault. No doubt she would make a remarkable Hokage._

_“I’m fine,” I sighed, “But you-” shaking my head, relief dripping away to reveal the guilt that had been growing, lying in wait since I’d woken up in the hospital that first morning._

_She laughed dryly, a knife to my broken chest, “Oh, this.. It’s nothing.”_

_I shook my head again, letting a hand fall and fist into the white fabric of the bedding, “If I had been paying attention, none of this would have happened and we could have all come home together.”_

_Her hand touched mine softly, loosening my grip on the sheet until it was relaxed and open with her hand lying in mine. I closed my hand around hers, squeezing gently. My eyes lingered on our hands curiously before her voice brought me back to her face._

_“Stop blaming yourself,” she gave my hand a squeeze back, “I take full responsibility for what happened.”_

_Hearing that made me want to scream. I searched her eyes for anything that could help me in understanding, but I found nothing. She looked back at me, calm and composed._

_“Don’t ever say that to me again. I don’t want to hear that stupid crap.” I told her quietly, looking in her eyes as I said it because I wanted her to feel just how much I meant it._

_She blinked. I knew she wanted to argue by the look in her eyes but she gave me a nod instead, squeezing my hand in hers one last time before pulling it away as Mitsuki walked through the door behind us._

  
  


These memories weren’t helping me. The last thing that I wanted to think about before leaving tomorrow was that mission and its aftermath, especially considering what it forced me to realize back then, about myself and my feelings for her. Though, it did serve to put things into perspective. Things could be a lot worse. Losing her to someone else was bearable in comparison. Maybe that was all I needed to take from my talk with Mitsuki for now, if nothing else. 

A large part of me wanted to know the truth, while another part of me wanted to leave it alone and try to salvage whatever might be left of our friendship. 

Still, I couldn’t help but feel curious. It was as Mitsuki said earlier, after being medically released, she had begun filling in at the hospital, training under Sakura more frequently, and honing her medical skills. She had easily convinced me that it was because she just wanted to be prepared and that made sense because it was _her_ , but according to Mitsuki that wasn’t exactly the truth. 

I wanted to believe what Mitsuki was implying, wanted to see what he was so convinced I was missing, but there was still that lingering fear of disappointment in the back of my mind. At least not knowing served to give me a little hope, let me play out the fantasy a little bit longer in my head, something that _knowing_ could steal away from me. 

My glass was empty now. Using the counter as support, I stood but still managed to stumble. I mumbled an apology to no one in particular and began the arduous process of fishing my wallet out of my pocket. 

“Don’t worry about it. The guy before took care of it.” Spoke the man behind the counter, tapping his fingers against the wood of the counter in case his voice didn’t grab my attention.

I stared back at him blankly for a moment before realizing that he meant Mitsuki. Of course he had. The corners of my mouth turned up as I stuffed my wallet back in my pocket, nodded and thanked him before stepping into the street.

Looking up into the blackness, I felt calm settle over me for the first time this evening. In a few hours it would be morning and I would be with Sarada again and that, at least, was something small to look forward to, regardless of the circumstances or the words said. I needed her to know that. I needed it to be back to the way that it was before, or as close as it could be. If I couldn’t say what I really felt, I could say that at least. Maybe we really could salvage it. Maybe it could be the way that we’d dreamed it as kids. It was the small piece of hope that I could cling to for now. It wasn’t much, but I could live with it, for tonight at least or what was left of it. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week was pretty terrible for me, honestly. That, and I ended up scraping almost all of the original chapter 3 and starting over, so it took me a little bit longer than expected to get this out. 😒 
> 
> Wanted to go ahead and post it, but I will edit more thoroughly later on. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Meet Me in the Trees - Sarada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “In this world, there is a kind of painful progress. Longing for what we've left behind, and dreaming ahead.”  
> ― Tony Kushner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains flashbacks and descriptions of torture.

The sun was situated behind us, the dying rays touched the back of our necks softly as we moved forward along the dirt path. The denser stretch of forest had broken earlier that morning and we were no longer shielded in shadows by the thick canopy of leaves and branches, something that would have been helpful in the heat of the day. A cool breeze blew past us, blowing my hair in my face. 

I could hear Cho Cho complaining behind me along with the faint rustling of a chip bag as it came out of hiding. Inojin complained back and then the bickering commenced. Shikamaru groaned. 

I sighed, knowing that if we didn’t stop soon this could turn into an unnecessary problem. Stopping now wouldn’t be such a bad idea anyway. 

We were on our second day of travel and, while I felt fine to continue on at the moment, I was decidedly a little out of practice. Mentally, I cursed all of those long days and nights sitting around tables and on comfy couches in hidden rooms. I made a note to up my training regimen once we returned to the village, though I wasn’t sure where I would fit it in my already overly filled schedule. 

I sighed again. 

“What’s up?” It was Boruto, falling into step with me. 

I shook my head, “Just thinking about when we get back home.” my nose scrunched, “All of the work.” 

He huffed, amused, “We haven’t even made it to Ihaigakure yet.”

I nodded grimly, making him chuckle. His eyes crinkled at the edges with the shift in his features. His small smile cast a glow across his face.

The stark contrast from the last night we had seen each other back in the village struck me. I wasn’t sure if I could ever wipe away the memory of the sadness and distance in his eyes. 

Despite the summer heat, I’d felt an aching coldness in my chest since that night, a heaviness that seemed to grow heavier still as this journey progressed with not even a word spoken between us until now. 

The familiarity and relax in his tone did little to comfort me. It only served as a reminder of the thing that we had lost, though I clung to it in this moment as if it were the very last cord that tethered us together, so fragile that it could snap with the slightest bit of pressure. It was a terrifying feeling- knowing that the break is inevitable, but not knowing when it would come. 

The anticipation made my palms sweat. I wiped them on my pants reflexively.

“I think we’ll stop for the night.” I said, gesturing to the sound of bickering behind us. 

“It’s a bit early. We still have plenty of daylight,” He responded, then eyed the trio with a smirk, “but that might not be such a bad idea.” 

I nodded in agreement, “An early night might do us some good. We’re in no rush anyway.”

His head tilted, “A little out of shape, huh?” He joked, “You need to get out from behind your desk more.” 

I scowled, “Ass,” but I couldn’t hide the shadow of a smile that lingered underneath. 

“Seriously. The three of us should do this more often. Like old times.” He smiled, looking up into the darkening sky, “I love being out here.”

“Hmm.” I hummed, recalling much simpler times, “I miss those days.”

His eyes shifted over to me, his hands resting on the back of his neck as we walked. 

“Yeah.” He sighed, “Everyone is following their own path now.” 

I nodded, watching as the glow drained from his face. His mouth turned up into a sad smile before his eyes left me and returned to the sky. 

My eyes lingered on his profile, the way his nose curved into a narrow point and the slight part in his lips as he breathed. 

My thoughts took me back to that camping trip we all took together as kids before we became Genin, before I knew what friendship was and I dreaded the thought of being stuck on a team with the boy beside me. 

If I was being honest with myself, I missed the way it felt to be on a team with him and Mitsuki. Today had to have been the best day that I had experienced in the past year, despite it only consisting of walking with hot sun bearing down on us. I hated to admit it, but I missed being out in the field. My life, as of late, had consisted of meeting after meeting, followed by long shifts at the hospital, followed by more meetings. 

It’s what I had signed up for though, so I couldn't complain. It came with the title that I had worked so hard to achieve. I was prepared for the sacrifice, and yet I felt an extreme longing in my heart that I couldn’t explain. 

It was like the prize was lying in my palms, but my hands refused to grab on to it. I felt selfish for these thoughts, but I sometimes wondered if the 7th or those before him had ever felt this way. After all, this was all I’d ever dreamed about, but when it really came down to it, could I truly sacrifice _all_ for the title, could I really deny myself for the sake of the people of the village? 

I placed the tips of my fingers to my brow, feeling the beginnings of a headache pounding behind my eyes. 

“He-” 

“Sarada, are you alright?” Shigeru’s hand fell on my back, the words whispered softly in my ear cutting off Boruto mid sentence. I’d forgotten that he was beside me. 

“I’m fine.” I gave his shoulder a squeeze and side stepped away from his touch. 

I Scanned over my shoulder at the rest of the group, but let my eyes linger on the blonde that had fallen back a few feet. 

I spoke loudly, “Let’s call it for today. Everyone get some rest. We’ll head out tomorrow morning before dawn to make up the time.”

“Yeah!” Cho Cho cheered, plopping down on a decaying log lying on the side of the path with her hand still fishing around in her half empty chip bag. 

“Inojin and I will scout out a place to camp.” Shikamaru called over his shoulder as he and the blonde disappeared into the trees.

Mitsuki walked over to me expectantly, but quiet, hands crossed casually behind his back. 

It was odd to see him out if his mask for once. A majority of our encounters lately had been work related. I realized that it must have been about 4 months since I’d seen his actual face. 

His eyes were still abnormally large, something that I thought that he might grow out of eventually with age, but they were like looking directly at the moon. His hair was longer now, tied back in a loose bundle of light blue at the base of his neck, loose tendrils fell beside his cheeks and over his forehead and the leaf symbol protecting it. The wind blew the thick strands across his face, partially hiding the golden orbs.

“You need a haircut.” I commented, pulling at one of the locks close to his face and letting it fall back into place. 

Mitsuki huffed and smiled softly as he swatted at my hand feebly, “I thought it might suit me this way.”

“Hmm.” I held my hands up in a mock frame, looking through my fingers with one eye closed, “Just make sure you don’t let it cover your eyes so much. You hide behind a mask too much as it is.”

He chuckled, eyes closed, as he pushed the hair up off of his forehead and out of his eyes, “I’ll take note of that.”

A small laugh escaped my lips as well and my hands fell to my sides, “Wanna try helping Cho Cho figure out something for the rest of us to eat?” 

Mitsuki looked over at the occupied woman amusedly, “I’m sure I can handle that.” 

“Great.” I turned, expecting to see Boruto still standing where my eyes had left him, but he had already gone. Though, I couldn’t sense where to. 

My stomach sunk and the softness in my face grew taught against my frown. I looked away from the spot and to Shigeru, whose eyes watched me intently. It startled me, the magnitude of his gaze on me in that moment, but it was gone before I could make much sense of it. 

He reached for me, holding my shoulders between his hands and moving them up and down in a gesture meant to be comforting. 

“Are you really alright? I have something in my bag that might help if it’s a headache.” He said, voice hushed and soothing. 

A half smile quirked my lips and I looked up at him. He was standing with his face to the sun, the last bit of it reflecting gold in his cerulean eyes, but even in the light they seemed vaguely dull. His face displayed a pleasant observation as he gazed down at me. A creeping feeling prickled at the back of my neck and down my spine. 

“I’m fine.” I assured him finally, once again stepping away from his hold. “Nothing a little rest won’t be able to fix.”

  
  
  


Afternoon had settled softly into evening. I could hear the light murmur of conversation coming from the others. A small fire crackled and sizzled as the fish retrieved by Mitsuki and Cho Cho cooked above it. The scent was strong in my nose. I inhaled deeply and sighed at the satisfying smell of a hot meal. 

Yes, being out here was definitely something that I had missed. I suppose I knew that becoming Hokage meant limited time outside of the village. I just hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed being away until I was unable to come and go freely as I once had. 

I let my eyes close as my head fell back against the tree that I was seated against, fighting against the newest wave of aching inside of my head. 

_It was dark_ , _unnaturally_ _so._

_Though, place held an eerie familiarity. I knew it well. Fear gripped me. I felt panic begin to bubble in my gut. I let a breath in through my mouth and a breath out through my nose, but it was too late. I was already shaking and I could hear the tremble in my breathing._

_My eyes opened wider, searching wildly for any speck of light. I attempted to reach out, but couldn’t. I found my hands strung up above me, stretched along a metal bar and chained above my head. Another bar lay across my shoulders, keeping my arms up and held in place, apart from the slight side to side movements as I struggled. I tried moving my legs but was met with a mixture of sharp and throbbing pain in one of them, knocking the breath out of my lungs in the sound of a hollow groan._

_Moving wouldn’t be an option._

_Quickly after, I realized that it didn’t matter if my eyes were open or closed, the shade of blackness didn’t change much and, for reasons unknown to me, I couldn’t activate my Sharingan anymore._

_This was bad._

_I was alone, I was injured, and I knew what happened next._

_After the initial disorientation, the scenario always seemed to play out similarly every time, but this part always remained the same._

_A heavy blow collided with my cheekbone, knocking my head back into the stone wall behind me._

_A whimper left my lips. My cheek was stinging and my eye was already beginning to swell by the time I brought my head forward again, not that it mattered much. I wasn’t able to see anyway._

_I let my body go limp, awaiting the inevitable._

_Another blow, this time to my mouth. Warm blood welled from the cut inside my cheek and trickled out of the corner of my half parted lips. I spit the rest out onto the floor, leaving a wet trail down my chin._

_Another, and another, and another, and another, until my face was raw, swollen and bloody. The only sound I could hear in the dark room was the sound of the fist cutting through the air, the wet sound of knuckles against bloodied skin, and my labored wheezing as I struggled to breath._

_It drug on unrelentingly. Blow after blow until I no longer felt the sting of impact on my skin. I let myself sink, allowed my mind deaden and retreat into blackness_

_“Had enough?” A familiar voice, but I paid it no attention._

_I stayed quiet, waiting for the assault to continue._

_What could I say that would end this? Nothing that had not been said countless times before. What could I do? Fight? It would only prolong the inevitable._

_Waking was the the only escape from this place, but there was still a long way to go yet._

_Heat brushed against my throat, softly at first but suddenly violent as the hand tightening into a suffocating grip and threw my head back against the wall with a loud crack._

_My ears were ringing from the impact. The grip around my neck tightened. I tried to breathe, but only managed a frantic gasp. Fingernails dug into my skin mercilessly. I cried out in another futile attempt at breathing._

_“Open your eyes.” A different command. One I hadn’t heard in this place before, but I knew that it couldn’t be trusted._

_It was just something new that my mind had concocted to wound me._

_What use would opening my eyes be anyway, if all I could see was blackness?_

_My head slammed against the wall again. The ringing in my ears grew louder._

_“Open your eyes.” The same command, only darker this time. A voice I knew, but unrecognizably distorted by rage and malice._

_Though I couldn’t bring myself to speak, I shook my head no against the firm grip of the man’s hand. Again he threw my head back against the wall without warning._

_I could feel a sticky warmth seeping into my hair and down my neck._

_“Do it! Look at me!” I could feel his hot breath against my face, specks of hot saliva hit my cheeks._

_I made an attempt to speak the small, simple word, but could only grunt out something unintelligible._

_Then came another devastating slam and a wet sound against the hard surface behind me._

_Fingers clawed at my closed eyes, but found little resistance in my battered state and opened them easily._

_The brightness was surprising and offensive. My eyes felt like they were swimming- no drowning in my sockets as they tried to adjust to the sudden change._

_This was a new development, which was unsettling in and of itself, but the small reprieve from the pain was welcomed._

_Typically the torture would continue, sometimes for hours until I finally woke up in a cold sweat, screaming._

_Never have I ever been allowed to see._

_The grip on my throat loosened, but his hand remained fixed softly in place. His thumb lifted, caressing my chin softly and then running over my bottom lip._

_I flinched away, pressing my body as close to the wall as I could._

_I could see his form standing in front of me now. His chest was eye level to me. I watched as it moved up and down slowly, steadily with each breath. Sandy blonde hair cascaded over his shoulders. Cold swept over me._

_Gently, he lifted my face up and, finally, I saw the face of the man behind this violent assault._

_Kind, calm features considered me, looking at me as if he hadn’t just turned my face into ground beef. His thumb caressed my lip again. My breathing turned into hyperventilating._

_He leaned forward, kissing my forehead and brushing his lips agonizingly slow across my skin until they arrived at my ear._

_“See? Nothing to be afraid of.” He whispered, sending vicious chills down my spine._

_I felt a strong need to vomit, even more so when he finally pulled back and I stood staring in horror at the sight of the swirling orbs of black and red replacing the normal ocean blue._

_My mouth hung open wordlessly. I shook my head in disbelief._

_This shouldn’t be possible. It couldn’t._

_A half smile quirked on his lips as he set my hands free. My arms fell limply to my sides._

_“Although, Sadly, our time has come to an end.” His haunting voice echoed in my ears._

_Blankly, I stared back at him, still fixated on those eyes twirling as he spoke. I stood frozen to the wall._

_Warmth budded in my stomach moments after. My hand flew to the spot, finding clothes soaked through with a warm wetness. My hand lifted to my eyes revealing a coating of red over my fingers and hand. I looked at it curiously and then down to the source._

_The material covering my abdomen was soaked through with red, but I felt no pain there, only an uncomfortable stickiness as the cloth clung to me. I lifted the material, inspected the area, but found no wound there._

_My head shook subconsciously as I looked to the man in front of me with empty, weaponless hands for some kind of answer._

_He tilted his head to the side, a look of amusement dancing in his new eyes, “It was never you.” He said._

_My lips parted with the question that my words were unable to form._

_“It was never you.” He repeated, touching the dampness over my stomach with two fingers, dragging them over the surface and then letting his hand fall back to his side._

_I felt my heart seize with dread at his words, although I didn’t understand what they meant. I placed my hand flat where he had touched me, cradling myself protectively and too preoccupied to really notice the shine of a blade being drawn and then flicked across my exposed throat in a clean, concise motion._

_A gasp left my lips as I clutched my neck before the blood gushed and rapidly oozed out my fingers._

I fell back into consciousness with a gasp, hand still clutching at my neck. 

Shigeru was in my line of sight first. He reached for me, but out of instinct I pushed him away, causing him to fall back onto the ground. Surprise and concern stretched his features into a clownish mask that his blue eyes didn’t seem able to match anymore. Or maybe that was just all in my head.

“S-Sorry.” I stuttered, looking around and realizing that all eyes were on me. 

I stood, but wobbled. I felt a hand slide onto my lower back and around my forearm for support. I tensed against the contact, not yet trusting it for what it was. 

I turned and rigid black met with soft blue. Clear and piercing but stormy all at the same time, Boruto looked back at me. I could feel his concern before I could locate it with my eyes.

“Easy.” He cooed softly, as if speaking to a startled child. 

I shook my head, embarrassment settling on my cheeks. I wanted badly to cry, but my pride wouldn’t let me do it here. 

I shifted out of Boruto’s grip and turned my back to the watching eyes before retreating to the trees. The lack of contact left me feeling a slight emptiness. 

I could feel Shigeru following behind me as I walked away from the camping ground. He nearly slammed into me when I stopped abruptly and turned. 

“It’s okay.” I told him, holding my hands up, “I’m fine. Just give me a few minutes.”

He took a deep breath and sighed slowly, but nodded, “Okay.”

He started to turn then stopped, “I’ll be here if you need me.”

I nodded, eyes watching the grass swaying in the breeze at my feet, “thank you.” 

When I felt his presence grow faint and disappear behind me as I walked away from him, I broke into a sprint. 

I raced through the trees, hair whipping wildly against my face and sticking to the wetness on my cheeks. The heaviness in my chest weighed down on me, pulling me to my knees and landing me at the base of a tree with my arms circling around it. 

A single sob was able to tear it’s way from my chest. I squeezed the tree and held my breath against clenched teeth. I felt the slight give of the wood against my grip and let out a slow, controlled breath.

 _‘It’s okay. It was just a dream.’_

My mantra. I let it play on repeat in my head. 

The nightmares were a given. I hadn’t gone a night without them since _that_ mission 8 years ago, the war only served to fuel them. 

This time it was different. It was worse.

This nightmare was a recurring one. It played out the same way almost every time. The darkness, the fear, and the torture leveling me for what felt like days until the sweet reprieve of the morning plucked me from the blackness. 

But this time I’d only shut my eyes for a moment…

Never before had the dream given the assailant a face. 

They say what you can’t see tends to be the most frightening. Your imagination and anticipation make the fear and dread all the more worse, but what I had seen still haunted me. I would have preferred a faceless beast over the kind, smiling man that my dream had given me.

The pain I endured during those dreams meant nothing to me until now. Was I crazy for wishing for the torture over this latest version of hell? 

  
  
  


The others were eating and chatting quietly when I finally returned to camp. No one looked up as I walked through the trees and took a seat at the edge of the fire. I stared at the flickering flames and embers flitting through the air. 

“Here.” Cho cho’s low voice whispered above me, rice and fish in hand. 

I thanked her with the best smile I could muster. I hesitated, but finally dug in only to find that my appetite had abandoned me. I forced a couple more bits into my stomach before setting aside the bowl and returned my eyes to the glow of the fire. 

I felt Shigeru slide into the spot beside me, his hand caressing the space between my shoulder blades. 

“Are you alright?” He whispered, leaning into my shoulder and kissing it gently. 

I nodded, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my head atop my knees. 

His hand slid up and down my back. I tensed at the memory of those hands running across my bottom lip, running along my abdomen and it brought a sickly feeling into the pit of my stomach. The corner of my eyes prickled and I turned away from the light of the fire. 

I found Boruto looking at me. He made no attempt at covering it up and didn’t look away when our eyes met. 

I could hear his voice in my head, cracking a joke and calming my nerves enough to help me shake away the weight that threatened to drag me down into that dark pit in the back of my mind. 

I didn’t have to wonder if he understood what had happened or if I was okay. We could read each other as easily as if we were speaking. That’s what had made our partnership so great. 

What he didn’t realize was just how much his presence calmed me, how much his voice, even if it was just in my head, gave me strength when I couldn’t find it in myself. 

The corners of my lips lifted slightly.

Boruto smiled back before closing his eyes and breaking our gaze as he stood, "I'll take first watch." He said, then looked at me pointedly. 

He wanted to talk or he knew that I did, maybe it was both. There was much still left for us to unpack from the last few days. 

My eyes lingered on his retreating form as he disappeared into the trees and their shadows.

Shigeru's arm shifted on my back, breaking my gaze. I had completely forgotten that he was there. Again. I turned my head to look at him. He was looking back at me curiously. I felt an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. 

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He shook his head and smiled softly, "Nothing. Just thought I saw something, but it's nothing." He pulled me closer, kissing my forehead softly. 

the uneasiness I felt only grew with his words. I couldn't help but feel that there was some underlying message there, but I was far too tired to go searching too hard for it.

"Are you sure?" I slightly pulled away so that I could look at his face.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, "I'm sure, Sarada. Everything is fine."

  
  
  
  


The moon hung high above us, casting a soft glow over the sleeping forms and the surrounding foliage. There was a soft rustling of leaves and the sound of crickets that filled the quiet. Shigeru was breathing softly beside me. 

The path through the trees was dark, hidden from the light of the moon by the thick tree tops, but I didn’t need my sight to guide me. I could feel Boruto’s chakra leading me to where I needed to be.

Minutes passed and I stood at the base of a large tree, probably as wide as I was tall. 

My neck craned as I looked up and spotted the shadowed form of a leg swinging back and forth from a branch. I leapt up, landing beside the form in a seated position softly.

“Hey.” I greeted, tucking a knee underneath my chin. 

“Hey.” He returned with a soft smile. 

We were silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of the night echoing all around us. 

“I have them too.” He said finally, his eyes looking off into the blackness and then at me, “We all do.” 

I nodded. I knew that, but hearing him say it, knowing that I wasn’t alone in this, did give me a bit of comfort. Though, it would never take the experience or the fear of the next one away.

“I don’t like talking about them either,” He continued, filling the silence easily, “Sometimes I feel like they’re worse when you say them out loud, ya know? Like, if I say them out loud, I’m speaking them back into existence.” 

He grabbed at a leaf, pinched and rolled it in between his fingers then flicked it away. 

“-but, I know that it does help sometimes…” he trailed off, seeming to consider his words carefully before speaking again, “So, talk to me if you need to, lighten up the burden on yourself a little bit.”

I could feel the prickling of fresh tears in the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall. I scrunched up my nose and frowned.

“And what? Give the burden to you?” I asked quietly. 

His head tilted as he looked me over warmly, “Of course. That’s what friends are for.”

I turned my head in the opposite direction as a single tear escaped my eye. When it had fallen and the wetness had dried on my cheek, I turned back to him. His eyes still trained on me where I had left them. His gaze wasn’t heavy or stifling like any other would have been in that moment, in that situation. No, they were gentle, cradling me reverently in cascading pools of blue.

Sitting here with him like this brought me again to the night before we left the village. Thinking back, I was ashamed of myself and for the things that I said to him out of anger. Things had gone too far that night, and all of the other monuments we’d spent fighting over… I didn’t even know, instead of talking it out like adults would, like friends would.

“I’m sorry... about the other night, for the things that I said and not telling you...about...Well,

you know.” I sighed heavily. 

Boruto ran his hand across his chin, then shook his head, “No. you’re not obligated to tell me anything until you decide to. I was the one out of line. I’m the one that’s sorry. ” 

Our eyes rested in each other’s gaze. The moon flooded his eyes, coloring them brilliantly. His lips curled up at one side into a thoughtful smirk. 

My chest was already beginning to feel lighter. The dream already seemed a distant memory. 

“I don’t know what’s been going on the past few months, but I want it to be over. I just want us to go back to the way it was before, you know? I can’t lose this.” I told him, surprising myself with my honesty. 

It had to be said. If I let the moment pass, it might be lost forever. I was desperate for

him to know how much this relationship meant to me, how much he meant to me. 

“I know.” He whispered, reaching his hand out to me. It was warm, much bigger than mine, and wrapped around mine easily, “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’ve been really stupid lately.” 

I laughed and shook my head, “Me too.” 

His thumb moved in a slow, circular motion against the skin on top of my hand, somehow reassuring me with that small gesture that things were going to get better.

“Let’s start over, yeah? Tomorrow It’ll be like it was before.” 

I nodded again, “alright.”

Though I’d hoped for this, I wasn’t sure if things could be the same as they were. That’s not really how things worked, but hope was a powerful thing and if Boruto said it then that meant that he believe it, so I could make myself believe it too.

I moved in closer to him and leaned my head onto his shoulder, our hands still locked in each other’s. My eyes closed and let my fatigue finally settle. The rhythmic movements of his breathing rocked me softly. I let myself relax against his warmth. For the first time I wasn’t afraid of the darkness that followed. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! We made it to a sweet moment between those two. 
> 
> I know the dreams/flashbacks are kind of eh, but they are important and there will ~probably~ be pieces of them in every chapter. 
> 
> I really liked writing this one and hope you like it as well! Happy that this one is a *little happier. 
> 
> (*minus the sketchy ass flashback/dream)


	5. The Purpose of a Lie - Boruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “With a secret like that, at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant. The fact that you kept it does not.”  
> -Sara Gruen

* * *

I hadn’t expected it to happen this way. My expectations were set low in the beginning, and if things would have stayed the way that they were on the first day, even then I would’ve ended up being disappointed. 

We went without speaking at all for the first full day of travel. Every look held the sharpness of a blade and cut away at my already tattered sensibilities. 

I almost let myself believe that it was too late to change anything. 

_‘I can’t lose this.’_

That’s what she had said as she sat beside me, perched on that high branch, my exact thought spoken from her downturned mouth. A lifeline tossed out haphazardly in the aftermath of whatever awful thing that dream had shown her, but I didn’t hesitate to grab onto it and I would keep ahold of it as long as she’d let me. 

I’d forced my face into a mask of calm neutrality, despite the overwhelming relief and joy that such short, simple words were able to bring me. Though, her eyes were sad when she said it, as if she were mourning something long gone and unreachable. That’s when my hand reached for her. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to pull her out of whatever hole she was letting herself sink into. 

Our hands met and the feelings came back to me all at once, like a dam bursting, the waters rushed and consumed and just like that I was drowning again. Despite the chaos stirring inside of me, a moment of impetuous clarity came to me as I watched the planes of her face reflecting in the low light of the moon. Right then and there, I could have- 

No. I couldn’t even let myself finish the thought. She loved someone else, after all. 

With all of the back and forth, with our lives bent on keeping us apart, was I foolish for still wishing, for still searching for more in her words and actions? 

The uncomfortable beating in my chest when our eyes met now was unmistakable and mocked me unrelentingly. A deeper sense of longing was creeping over me, so different from the one that I’d managed to distract myself from for years now. 

I told myself the night before we left that I could accept it as it was if it meant keeping her in my life, but after that night with her head lying heavily with sleep on my shoulder, after the words said, I wasn’t sure that I could so easily anymore.

It was impossible to picture myself loving anyone else like this.

  
  


Ihaigakure was much smaller than I had pictured it. Though, what it lacked in size, it made up for in extraordinary beauty. 

The surrounding area was covered in lush green, specked generously with bright, tropical colors. The bulk of the village stood in stark contrast as it was constructed using a dark grey, almost black stone carved in ornate and delicate patterns. 

The front gate was the most memorable of the structures. Dark stone stretched toward the sky, looming over us grandly. Carved into one side was a towering snake, standing erect and serving as the right side of the entrance, resting its large head regally at the very top. On the opposing side staring right into the eyes of the serpent was the long beaked face of a crane, it’s elegant neck supporting the wall of the left side of the gate. 

It was crowded, but the streets seemed quieter, a little slower paced than Konoha. It was nice, and made me feel a bit at ease considering the purpose of the visit.

Our two teams split almost immediately after entering the village. Shikamaru was waiting to greet us when we arrived. Team 7 broke off from there to meet with Sasuke, who was with several of the higher ranking commanders of the military force, readying the training grounds in preparation for our arrival. Shigeru left us soon after escorting us there. It was a relief to finally see him go.

Although, It was a feeling that was short lived. Our arrival marked a whirlwind of movement and activity in the village. The slow paced atmosphere seemed to dissipate before my eyes.

Sarada was in her element, stepping into her role without hesitation, a force that commanded attention and deference, even from those who probably weren’t even aware of her position. 

My eyes lingered on her form a few steps ahead of me as she walked alongside her father and one of the commanders, hands tucked behind her back. 

She was significantly shorter than both men, the shortest of our whole party actually, yet just looking at her for a moment could tell you that she had been molded from years of discipline and strenuous training. Her body was lithe and lean, but solid and curved with muscle. 

How many times had I seen the earth shatter easily underneath those small fists held delicately at the base of her spine? How many times had I marveled at her quick, decisive moves during battle? I’d lost count, but it never ceased to amaze each time. 

My fists flexed inside my pockets as I cast my eyes downward.

In spite of the objective of this mission, there was a subtle sense of weightlessness beginning to lift my spirits, though simultaneously I felt weighed down with the burden of where she and I stood in the reality of things. I was at a loss for what to do now. I was happy, elated that our relationship would survive, but I felt stuck and I didn’t know how or what would change that. 

Sarada sat in the forefront of my mind chanting those magical words over and over again, but I still had Mitsuki’s prodding at me in the back of my head as well, urging me on in a direction I still wasn’t sure that I wanted to go.

Of course, I wanted to know, but I was torn between the truth and the huge leap she and I had made in the past few days. The last thing I wanted to do was cause unnecessary conflict after we’d agreed on a fresh start.

When I said that to her, I really meant it. I fully intended to leave the baggage behind, stacked up neatly and forgotten at the base of the tree we’d spent the night in together. So, why couldn’t I get those ugly memories and Mitsuki’s words out of my head? 

Why couldn’t I just forget it?

On the other hand, holding on to secrets was what had gotten us into this mess in the first place. Wouldn’t it be better for us to actually wash the slate clean instead of pretending that it had never gotten dirty in the first place?

  
  


“We’re done for today.” Sasuke said evenly, drawing my attention back from my thoughts.

The commander nodded, ducking his head in a brief bow as he bid our group a good evening and made his way back to his troops. 

“They seem less receptive than I expected.” Sarada observed once the man was out of earshot, her eyes watched him sharply, then darted to her father expectantly. 

Sasuke’s eyes were on the group of men convening a few meters away as well. 

“They are set in their ways, but we wouldn’t be here if they were completely unwilling to change.” He responded evenly.

“Right. Well, let’s hope that they show a bit of interest sooner rather than later.” She sighed with a touch of a frown. Her arms were crossed over her chest tightly and her brow was slightly pinched in the middle. She was thinking hard about something, probably worrying herself unnecessarily. 

“Missing your cushy desk chair and the paperwork already?” I poked, gaining the soft arch of a dark brow from the woman standing across from me, but her eyes glittered playfully. I heard Mitsuki’s soft chuckle at my side.

“Some people have obligations back home that they can’t just shirk off so easily.” She shot back quickly with a smug grin, her hand resting on her hip. 

I shrugged, trying to come off as unbothered as possible, “Some people realize that not everything that matters begins and ends within the walls of Konoha.”

In an attempt to stop herself from smiling, she bit her lip and rolled her eyes with a shrug of her shoulders, “Whatever. I guess it’s something you just wouldn’t understand.” 

“Enough. If you two are going to bicker, take it elsewhere.” Sasuke’s deep voice and a hard, pointed glance in my direction served to end our conversation for the moment.

“Relax, we’re just messing around.” I said as I lifted my shoulders again, “Weren’t we, Sarada?” 

Her nose scrunched and she huffed before she turned away, addressing Sasuke, “Sure. Shigeru is waiting for me anyway. I’ll see you later on at dinner.” 

Sasuke gave her a silent nod. 

Before leaving she turned to Mitsuki and me, “See you two later.” She said and gave my shoulder a light push with her fingers before turning to walk away. 

My eyes followed her as she left, only to be interrupted by Misuki, who crossed my line of vision, heading in the same direction.

“I’ll be going now as well.” He said over his shoulder, with a grin that crinkled his eyes. 

“Hey, where are you going?” I called out after him.

He pivoted around without breaking stride and called back simply, “Cho Cho wanted to explore the village before nightfall.” 

“Cho Cho?” I repeated to myself, then shouted out after a brief pause, “Wait, what?” 

But He had already gone. 

“What the hell…” I mumbled, as I turned back to Sasuke, who was still staring out across the training grounds with a frown. The last of the men had dispersed and we were now alone. 

“Just me and you, I guess.” I sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets, “I’ve got something I want to ask you anyway.”

My mentor’s brow arched slightly, not unlike his daughter’s had just minutes before. 

“It’s about a mission Team 7 had a while back,” I began. 

His brow fell into a blank expression, seemingly disinterested as always, but that was about as close to interested as anyone could get out of him, so I wasn’t deterred.

“The mission to the Land of Mountains...”

I watched as his eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn’t end the conversation there, which I took as a sign for me to continue, considering it was likely a touchy subject for him. 

“Mitsuki brought it up back in Konoha just before we left and it got me thinking about some things.” I explained as we began to walk along the path toward the bulk of the village. 

Sasuke matched my strides, our pace slow and casual. I studied the ground as the dirt and rocks passed underneath our feet. I let the quiet linger for a moment, deciding on my next words carefully before speaking them.

“Did- Did Sarada get into trouble because of that mission? What happened when she got back home?” I asked, lifting my eyes to the man walking beside me. 

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t answer right away. I suddenly felt nervous for having brought it up. He was probably the last person I should be asking. It was my mistake that nearly got his daughter killed. 

He watched the sky above us. His eyes darted from side to side quickly, intently following whatever it was that he’d spotted in the sky. 

I strained my eyes, but I couldn’t see a thing. Inside of my pocket, I picked at the skin on my thumb until I started to feel pain where it was starting to tear. 

“Why are you asking me?” He said finally, shifting his eyes off of the sky, “Weren’t you debriefed?”

I blew out a slow breath, “Yeah. Well, about that,” I nudged a small rock with the toe of my shoe as we walked, “Mitsuki kind of admitted to me, before we left, that Sarada convinced him to keep a few things quiet.”

I heard a low hum as the features of his face deepened so slightly that if I weren’t so hyper aware because of nerves, I would've missed it. 

“Mitsuki wouldn’t give me a straight answer,” I continued as the silence persisted, “...and I figured you would know better than anyone.” 

“Why not ask her then, if it’s so important that you know?” He countered finally. 

“I doubt that she’d tell me now, after going through the trouble of hiding it.” I grumbled. 

Another long moment of silence passed between us. 

“Then I say leave the past in the past, where it belongs.” Sasuke said as the path came to an end at a small gate that entered into the village. His hand rested on the metal, stopping it from swaying and clanging in the breeze. 

I sighed heavily, frustrated that this too was a dead end. Though, I could have guessed that this would be his response. It was worth a shot to try anyway. 

Back then, Sasuke had been the one to find her and bring her home. 

I was unconscious for days. The worst of it had been when I’d woken, only to discover that she was not there. Days passed with nothing but precious time wasted and growing worry. Eight days came and went, until a letter was received, confirming that Sarada had been located. She was alive and she would be coming home. That was the only information the message held. Another agonizing two days passed before she was received at the hospital. 

I was kept in the loop for the most part, but it was at a bare minimum. At the time, it was enough. I was so overwhelmed with guilt and relief that there was not much else that I could handle in that state. She was alive, she was home and nothing else really mattered to me; not my wounds and definitely not the mission.

Sasuke and I hadn’t discussed it. It had been an unspoken agreement between us not to, one that I had upheld my end of gladly up until now. 

He’d never been the talkative type, even less so when it came to his family. Many times I wondered if he blamed me or hated me for what happened to her, though he hardly acted any different towards me at all after the fact.

Training grew harder, but that was a given after a failure of that magnitude. We all worked harder from that point on, and maybe that was the very thing that had saved us when Kawaki and the war came around.

_Memories grew even foggier when I tried to remember anything having to do with her in the months after being released from the hospital._

_My emotions were overwhelming, suffocating, and more than I wanted to handle. Against almost everyone’s wishes, I took a six month long mission with Sasuke to investigate the very criminals that had formed the plot against our village. We ended up being gone nearly eight._

_A letter came from her at the end of the second month. It was short, very general. She updated me about the village, told me about her work at the hospital, asked me how I was doing and how the mission was going._

_The content held little interest, yet I read and reread it until the paper began to rip at the creases, but I never responded._

_I wanted to, and almost did hundreds of times, but it always felt too difficult and I never could find the right words. I wondered about her a lot, pictured her in my head thousands of times while I was away. It seemed such a trivial thing, but thinking about it too much made my chest hurt when I realized how much I missed her. I didn’t want to feed the longing or the guilt that had carried over from that mission, so by ignoring it, I was able to kill it almost completely._

_As the days and months passed it grew easier and I better understood Sasuke’s absence in the village and how it had little to do with a mission alone. I didn’t even acknowledge it when the mission passed 190 days._

_Coming home ended up being more bitter than sweet. I hated her for that and the newness of those old feelings, feelings that had taken me months to forget. I dreaded seeing her again for the first time._

_That mission had been the first of many. I could count the weeks I spent home before the war broke out using both hands._

_I could use one to count them on the year after the war ended. In more ways than one I blamed myself for Kawaki. Maybe if I’d been there more, maybe if I’d been his brother… things would have turned out differently._

_It didn’t matter, I’d tell myself, as I lay exhausted with my back against the dirt, looking up into the night sky. I couldn’t change it now._

_Then one day, another letter came from her. The timing was unusual, because I’d just left after two weeks of being home. Her face was still fresh in my mind, we’d just seen each other a couple of days earlier. I don’t know what I expected, but that wasn’t what I got._

_The Hokage’s successor had been named. Sarada would be the 8th Hokage._

_A month later I came home from my mission, and suddenly leaving again just didn’t do it for me anymore, but the feelings were still there. Dealing with them once I was back home was all trial and error, but eventually I figured out other ways to make them go away._

_After a while those things stopped working too._

_The running, the hiding from it, neither worked well enough on their own._

_So, I did both, but in the end it was all just wasted time._

  
  
  
  


The gate swung away from Sasuke’s grip and opened for him to step through quietly. 

I followed after him, catching the gate before it crashed into the fence. I let it swing closed, then stopped in my tracks.

I rubbed at the back of my head with my hand and huffed again, “Yeah, you’re probably right. I shouldn’t worry about it, I guess.” Though, at this point I didn’t intend on letting it go just yet. 

He nodded slowly in agreement before turning to walk away. 

“Hey.” I called out after him, making him slow and turn, “Sorry to bring it up in the first place.”

He nodded once and disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Once he was completely out of sight, I let out a long sigh and shut my eyes. 

I racked my brain for the answer. What could it be and why was she hiding it? So what if she got in trouble? I mean, that would suck and it would be completely unfair, but we’d gotten in trouble for not following protocol plenty of times before. This was definitely on a much larger scale, but still. I couldn’t imagine it being so difficult for her to tell me that, or why she’d feel the need to go through such lengths to hide it from me.

There had to be something more that I was missing and what bothered me more than anything was that she felt the need to keep it specifically from me. 

I would be lying if I said that it didn’t sting a little bit, but I’d be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t understand the need to protect someone from the ugliness of the truth. 

Something happens when a person gets close to someone else. If you’re not careful it can morph you into a person you’d never thought you’d be. 

Love is supposed to make you honest, but most of the time it doesn’t. It makes you afraid, afraid of losing the person that you love, of losing it. It screws you up and makes you believe that a pretty lie or the absence of a dirty truth is there to protect, but in reality that’s the prettiest lie of them all. 

The truth was damn painful, but it was the lies that would really kill you. 

I knew that very well. 

  
  
  
  


“Hey, why are you standing there like that?” Shikadai’s voice made me blink, “You look like a creep.”

“Hn. Sorry, just thinking.” I replied, as he walked up to me, hands behind his head.

He looked tired. Hell, I probably looked about the same. 

Shikadai shrugged, “We were supposed to all meet up for dinner, but that kind of seems like a drag.” He said with a tilt of his head and a bored smirk, “Wanna get a bottle of sake and find a quiet place to relax?”

I chuckled, “Yeah, why not?” 

Some down time and a little bit of distance while I thought through all of this would do me some good. The last thing I really wanted to do was get stuck sat across from Sarada and that asshole tugging at her sleeve and eyeing her in that creepy, overly possessive way that he did. 

I scowled down at my shoes as we walked. 

“Dad’s about to drive me crazy and it’s only been a day.” Shikadai sighed.

“It’s a big undertaking. Your dad is probably dying to get home just as bad...Well, probably more than you are.” I replied with a laugh, “My dad’s probably in the same boat right about now without him there.” As soon as I said it I paused. 

“What?” Shikadai’s eyebrow quirked.

I shook my head and fell back into step, “Nothing, just thought of something,” my hand raked through my hair slowly, “Let’s just get this shit already and find a spot to drink it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! 
> 
> I planned on getting this up and doing a little non-chapter update along with it, but the other piece isn’t ready just yet. I’m still planning on uploading that today or tomorrow, maybe Saturday at the latest. So, be on the look out for that if you’re interested. 
> 
> Also, the older version of this story didn’t go further than 6 chapters. So, after this next chapter, I will officially be writing from scratch. 
> 
> Updates may be a little further apart, but they will happen for sure! I’m *trying* to keep somewhat of a schedule. My goal has been weekly updates so far, and i’ll try to maintain that, give or take a few days. 
> 
> I’ve really enjoyed working on this story and I’m excited for where it’s going.
> 
> Any thoughts on what might happen next? I’m curious about what you all think. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! As always, I really appreciate it.


	6. Fragments - Sarada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beauty of a fragment is that it still supports the hope of brilliant completeness.  
> -Tobias Wolff

A book lay open in one of my hands, the pages and my hair fluttered against a light gust of wind. I used my other hand to tuck the loose strands behind my ear absently. My eyes squinted behind the lenses of my glasses in the dim light as the bulb above me flickered in and out, mimicking the tail of a firefly. The tea by my side had grown cold and sat half drunk on the table beside me. 

The streets below had long grown dark and quiet. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting out here, but I knew it must be creeping into early morning. Rest would not be coming tonight, even if I were able to crawl into bed and force myself to sleep. There was no doubt in my mind that the nightmares would feed off of the strain of the day with a ravishing hunger. The haunting visions from many nights before mocked me, daring me to close my eyes and face them. 

Since when had I allowed such a childish fear to control me this way? When had my mind become so vulnerable and weak? I wasn’t some rookie Genin anymore. I was the Hokage’s successor for gods’ sake. I’d fought against countless enemies and been witness to many horrific things, and though I had lost much through those bloodied years, unfortunately, fear had not been one of them. Now, I was wasting a perfectly peaceful night and a warm bed sitting outside drinking cold tea and avoiding sleep, afraid of what I might find behind the darkness of my eyes once closed. It was ridiculous, cowardly and I hated myself for it.

I flipped the book closed harshly, realizing I’d been staring at the same page blankly for the past few minutes. My eyes were beginning to burn and ache against the strain of the low lighting and I was quickly realizing that this distraction was not doing the job anyway. Scowling, I pushed my glasses up and rubbed at my eyes roughly with calloused fingers.

I sat the book down on the table beside me with a sigh and stood up from my seat to lean against the railing of the balcony. My hair fell in my face as I leaned forward onto my elbows, eyes closed and brow pinched softly. I rubbed at the exposed skin on my arms, warming them with the friction, but the cold felt unreachable, much deeper than the surface of my skin. 

My mind clung to the feeling of Boruto’s shoulder resting against my cheek, how his warmth soaked into me, and his slow and steady breathing as my head rose and fell with each breath, lulling me into a comfortable peace. That night had been one of the first in a long time that my sleep went uninterrupted and dreamless, the first in a long time that I had actually gotten to rest. 

I hadn’t allowed myself to linger on that night too long in the days that followed, but now, with the nightmarish visions scratching at the back of my mind, it proved a better distraction than the book had been, a brief moment of safety from the violence that saturated my thoughts and dreams. 

I wondered about Boruto and how he was feeling now, and if he still felt the same. Would he continue to feel that way once I was married or after I officially took on my role as Hokage, as our lives threatened to further separate us? Could our friendship make it even then? I hoped so, but the logical part of my brain wouldn’t permit that small bit of hope to turn into even a spark of belief that it could survive. 

He was so confident and although I searched for it, I hadn’t sensed a trace of anything in him that indicated that he felt otherwise. The subtle ways that his body moved when he spoke and the depths of those pools of blue in his eyes held nothing but warmth and the unwavering belief that I so desperately wish could eventually be my own. 

Trusting him was something that had always come so easily to me. It was more of an instinctual reaction than an actual decision that was made out of any careful consideration or logical reasoning. I wasn’t sure why this time was so different, especially when I wanted it to be true so badly. In fact, I hadn’t wanted something as badly as I wanted this in a really long time and I did not know what to do with that information.

The weight in my chest pulsed dully to remind me that it was still there and as it did, it sent an achingly slow, seeping dread throughout my body. I trembled against the cold that crept from the depths of my bones into my veins. 

It felt wrong to think about him so often. I wanted to jump out of my body and throttle myself until I could make myself realize how terrible I was being. Though, I found Boruto on my mind almost constantly, despite everything between us and my conscience warning against it. It was worse now that we were here together. I was left to wonder if starting over, if wiping the slate clean was something that I was justified in asking for while I remained obviously distant from the man I was supposed to marry. Wouldn’t some distance between Boruto and I have been better? In the long run, wouldn’t it have been much less painful to let our relationship fizzle out naturally instead of fighting so hard to keep it, only to watch it burst into flames and evaporate into ash, like it was nothing, in the end? 

Of course, it is much easier to arrive at what the right decision may be, than it is to actually carry it out or even remain steadfast in that decision once it is made. Even if I hadn’t come to him that night, if I had said nothing, would he have let it go so easily, just like that? The answer was obvious to me. 

I was then left wondering why his relationship with me was so different than all of the rest. Why did he care so much about it staying the same? Wasn’t that all apart of growing up and becoming an adult? We weren’t kids anymore, afterall. We couldn’t just do whatever, whenever we wanted and use being young and naive as an excuse. Things had to change and they would never stop changing. It was a necessary and essential part of life. Without it we would doom ourselves to the same mistakes that threatened to destroy us.

Although, a selfish part of me hoped that it was something more, that maybe, somehow our relationship was actually different from all the rest. Maybe, I wanted the fighting and the words to mean more than just good friends who were scared of losing that connection. 

What if it actually was just that and, in some way, my engagement marked the beginning of a new era in all of our lives. Plenty of our classmates had dated, but I was the first to actually take the next step. It could be that he was much more scared of the passage of time than he was of losing me and our connection. He’d acted similarly after we’d graduated from the academy, then tried out for Chunin and so on as life persisted, although his way of coping had become a token more subtle, more internalized than before. Change had always been a difficult thing for him. So, maybe that’s really all that it was and nothing more. This was something that I could wrap my head around at least.

Despite myself, there was a part of me that still hoped that it wasn’t that simple. It was hard to admit, but even I couldn’t deny that the feeling was there. A strange sense of possessiveness washed over me, though toward what exactly, I wasn’t sure. Toward him? Toward whatever this connection was between us? It was difficult to work through. It didn’t exactly feel as shallow as jealousy but it didn’t feel as simple as not wanting to lose a friendship either. 

I couldn’t help but recall the way he’d eased those terrible images out of my mind and I didn’t have to remind myself that he’d been the one that I’d gone to for comfort instead of Shigeru. Then there was the unnerving relief that I’d felt when he told me that he was going to break things off with Mika, even though I had no real grounds to feel that way. 

“Boruto…” A whisper, involuntary and barely even audible to my own ears, tumbled from my mouth. 

It was so very familiar and soft coming from my lips. The tips of my fingers brush over the skin there lightly in slight surprise at its utterance. Dread was quickly replaced with sickening guilt as my cheeks burned hot. I stared down at the emptiness below me, afraid of what attempting to connect these dots might do. So I don’t try, because it is deeply familiar and frightening and I am being so very selfish to think these things in the first place. 

With another sign, I let my hand fall back against the railing with a thud. I hear the metal creak underneath my heavy grasp and I shake my head roughly in an attempt to physically shake the offending thoughts from my brain, but they are already stuck there, like little burrs digging into the soft tissue. In my weakness, I can not prevent my mind from reeling. 

He hadn’t been at dinner last night and neither had Shikadai. They had probably been together, tucked away in a darkened booth, inside a quiet bar somewhere. Boruto had probably gotten drunk and flirted with a waitress, while Shikadai rolled his eyes and sighed every 10 minutes, even though he was probably trying to keep himself from laughing in an attempt at pretending that he wasn’t having a good time. 

I wondered selfishly if he would go home with someone and if that was the reason why I still didn’t feel his presence down the hall. It shouldn’t have bothered me. He had just ended a serious relationship, afterall. It was how he handled things that were difficult, this is something that I knew and had witnessed many times. 

I stared up at the stars, clicking my fingernails against the railing and huffing the hair that hung in my face up and off my forehead. Even if that were the case, it shouldn’t matter to me. Boruto was a grown man. He wasn’t a kid anymore and he didn’t need me policing him. He was free to make his own decisions and to do whatever he pleased. What he did and with whom was none of my business.

Although, as if to betray me, my heart still leapt in my chest when I felt the familiar chakra flaring close by, followed by a loud, bubbling laugh that cut through the still quiet of the sleeping village. 

“Shh! Shut up, idiot!” Shikadai’s voice, a harsh whisper, although not at all quiet. 

I watched as their darkened silhouettes stumbled toward the apartment building. Boruto kept laughing, despite Shikadai’s chiding of him and then I heard a groan and a laughter coming from him as well. 

I frowned and shook my head, just to keep myself from laughing along with them, before making my way through the living room and out the front door. By the time I made it to the front door of the building, Boruto and Shikadai were crossing the street, and doing so very unsuccessfully. There was nothing near them to hold onto as they made their way across except for each other, neither of which had much stability left in them. They must be _very_ drunk to be in a state like this. It was like watching two rag dolls trying to walk for the first time, all tangled, flailing limbs and not so stifled laughter. It was quite comical to see them this way, especially Shikadai, who was typically much more reserved. 

“Aa—Ah! Shikdai!” Boruto shouted, although his friend’s ear was nearly at his lips, causing the darker haired boy to grimace, “Slow down! Gonna make me trip, man.” 

“Shh Shh Shh.” Shikadai hushed, shaking Boruto’s shoulder and almost toppling them both over, but his shushing only seemed to fuel their laughter.

I stepped out of the shadow of the doorway, arms crossed over my chest, “You two look like you’ve been having fun.” I said, doing my best to sound light, but startling them anyway. 

Very drunk, indeed. They hadn’t even sensed me standing there. In his surprise, Shikadai’s arm slid out from under Boruto’s and into a defensive position, causing the blond to come crashing down into a heap in the dirt. Shikadai staggered forward slightly, but managed to stay upright. He rubbed the back of his head and laughed when he realized that it was me, then relaxed his posture. 

“Shit!” He yelped, realizing that he’d left his friend lying in the dirt. 

“You dropped me.” Boruto grumbled accusingly, looking at his friend, eyes half lidded and bleary while the other boy tugged and pulled at him shakily. 

“Uh-uh, you tripped.” Shikadai told him through a yawn.

I stifled a laugh behind my hand and stepped forward offering the opposite to Boruto, “Need a hand?” 

“Mmph..Sarada, When’d you get here?” Boruto’s voice slurred slightly as he spoke, looking up at me through a mess of blond. 

“Just a moment ago,” I told him, “I could hear you laughing all the way down the street.” 

His mouth spread into a wide, toothy grin. It was an infectious type of smile, but I kept my features neutral against it. He took my offered hand, but his legs were still behaving like overdone noodles and he fell forward almost immediately when he left Shikadai’s grasp. While my hands were preoccupied with keeping him standing and out of the dirt, he was able to bury his face into the crook of my shoulder softly.

“Mmm. So nice.” He mumbled against the fabric of my shirt.

I arched a brow at him although he could not see it, “Too nice.” I corrected as I shifted his body easily to the side.

I was strong enough to keep him upright and supported, but his stature was much larger than mine and I ended up practically wearing him as a cloak, his arms wrapped around my neck and his cheek resting against mine. I was able to keep him steady enough to walk that way, with an arm secured just above his hip. I watched Shikadai from the corner of my eye as he poked at Boruto’s cheek with a dazed smile. If nothing else, at least he seemed to be having a much easier time walking.

“I’ve got him. Can you make it on your own?” 

Shikadai tapped on his chin in mock consideration, humming as he did so, “It’sa drag. You could carry us both, right?” He said, draping his body over Boruto’s. 

I could hear him making soft snoring sounds from above me. Boruto laughed and attempted to shake him off of us. The sound was loud and it filled my ears, but it wasn’t a completely unpleasant sensation. I concentrated on it as to ignore the heat of his body against mine, reminding me so much of the night we’d sat together in that tree. 

“Hey, Just because I can, doesn’t mean I will.” I said, grateful that neither of them were coherent enough to notice my cheeks growing hot and red. 

With the snoring ceased and a dramatic sigh, Shikadai slid away with a slight stumble in his step and a low curse. 

He straightened and let out another loud yawn, “Okay, okay. ‘M going to bed.” 

“Good idea.” I breathed, then added quietly to Boruto, “Come on, let’s get you in bed as well.” 

“Mhm.” I could feel his cheek vibrate against mine as he hummed, tickling my skin. 

Climbing the stairs was an arduous task. Shikadai was in front of us and going at a snail's pace, groaning and whining with each step. Then there was Boruto, who switched between low, throaty laughter and humming a melody that either I couldn’t recognize or it didn’t actually exist. I clenched my teeth and set my jaw to keep silent. The novelty of it had effectively worn off and it had stopped being funny after the first flight of stairs. I was very tempted to do as Shikadai had suggested and carry them both up the stairs, but by the collars of their shirts. Though, there was a small part of me that had to admit that I was pleased to see them coming back at all, but that was a thought for another time. 

Shikadai was lucky that his room was near the stairs, but Boruto and I weren’t as fortunate. His room was at the other end of the hall, closer to mine. The hardest part was over for ⅓ of our group. Now, I just had to get a singing and laughing Boruto past a floor of sleeping ninja and somehow manage not to wake them up, if they all weren’t awake already at this point, which was very likely to be the case. 

“Are you good?” I asked Shikadai as he fumbled with his key, only to drop it before he was able to fit it into the lock.

“Mhm.” He answered distractedly, dropping to his knees and feeling around for the key. 

I waited until he retrieved it from the floor and his door was open before turning and shifting Boruto’s weight slightly to gain a bit more control over his movements. I shook him softly to get his attention and angled my face so that I could put my lips closer to his ear to ensure that he heard me. He was still humming that unknown melody. 

“Be quiet or you’ll wake everyone.” I told him, as sternly as I could make a whisper sound. 

He let out soft, breathy chuckles through his nose. I could feel the subtle shake of his shoulders against me. Despite being completely over this whole situation only moments ago, I found my lips curling up into a faint smile.

“What?” I questioned him, pulling back slightly to try to get a look at his face. 

“Your lips are soft. I thought they would be.” He said, so nonchalantly that I thought that I must have misheard him. 

I felt my body heat in a rush. It took all of the self control that I had not to pull away and drop him in my embarrassment and surprise. 

“W-what?” I stammered, quickly turning my reddening face forward again. 

“Hm..Soft Lips.” He repeated, although it seemed like he was saying it more to himself than to me. 

I bit my bottom lip between my teeth. My cheeks were still blazing, I just hoped that particular aspect of my face went unnoticed by him. 

Boruto had said crazier things to me before while intoxicated, but my “soft lips”, or my anything for that matter, had never been the subject of discussion before. It felt especially embarrassing considering what I’d been thinking about for a good part of the night. For the thousandth time that night I wanted to kick myself for being such an idiot. 

As we began the trek across the hallway, I was able to somewhat convince myself that, in a haze, he probably just mistook me for someone else, the waitress in the bar I’d conjured in my mind earlier, perhaps. 

Relief washed over me when we finally made it to his door. So far so good, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath just yet. No one had come storming out of their room to scream at us, but there was still plenty of time for that. 

“Key?” I whispered with a nudge. 

“Huh?” 

“Your key...for the door. Where is it?” I clarified, pointing at the door in front of us with a mild spark of annoyance, but managing to keep my voice even and soft. 

“Uhm, back pocket...maybe.” He replied, slur growing even heavier in his voice. 

“Maybe?” I questioned, arching a brow. 

I felt him shrug against me, “Dunno. You look.” 

“What?” I bit out a little too harshly than intended, but before he answered and before I thought too hard about what I was doing, I slid my hand over the fabric of his pockets and felt around lightly in search of the key. When I came up with nothing, I felt around in his other pockets and cursed under my breath when I came up empty there as well. As a last act of desperation, I turned all four inside out, my touch a little bit less light than before. Nothing. 

I let out a heavy sigh, “My room it is, I guess.” 

While I could pick the lock or break the door open with ease, if necessary. I chose to be selfish instead. As bothersome as dealing with these two had been, it was a nice distraction from the prickly silence that awaited me back in my room. If I was honest with myself, I knew that I did not want to continue on with being alone for what remained of the night and, with Boruto so drunk that he needed help merely standing upright, maybe he shouldn’t spend the rest of the night alone either. It would be a win/win for the both of us really. 

In my room, Boruto lay sprawled across a small blue couch in the living room. I was leaning against the counter in the kitchen with two cups of tea in front of me, watching him passively. 

“Sarada!” He whined, shielding his eyes dramatically with his forearm. 

“Hmm?” I hummed back quietly as I plucked the tea bags out of the steaming water and placed them on a small plate beside the sink. 

“Sit beside me. ‘M lonely n’my head hurts.” 

I huffed and took both cups by their handles and walked them over to the couch. I slid down onto my knees in the floor near where his head lay on the cushion and sat my cup on the table behind me and then from my pocket, I pulled two tiny, white tablets.

“Sit up. Take this.” I instructed. I held the cup and the pills in either hand and waited as he lifted himself into a sitting position and swung his legs forward. 

When he was situated, I handed him the pills and waited for him to put them in his mouth before handing him the cup and taking a seat on the cushion beside him. I was facing him, legs folded in front of me and so close to him that my legs were brushing up against his thigh. He lifted the cup quickly to take a big sip, but I was able to catch his arm gently before the ceramic met his lips and scalded them. 

“Slowly. It’s hot.” I cautioned. 

He nodded very seriously as he looked down at the golden liquid and sipped it gingerly. 

With a small smile and my eyes still on him, I took a sip of my own tea. Sitting the cup aside once I’d taken the drink, I folded my hands in my lap and studied him quietly as he began to blow on his cup carefully. His face was rosy and flushed and his hair was slightly more tousled than usual. He was wearing the same plain black shirt and pants that he had traveled in the day before, but he was missing his jacket. That was likely where his missing key was hiding. 

“Do you remember where you left your jacket?” I asked, causing him to jump at the sudden sound of my voice. 

He blinked his eyes slowly at me a couple of times, as if he had forgotten that I was next to him for a moment and didn’t recognize my face right away. 

I cocked my head to the side as I waited for him to register the question and give me an answer, but he just looked back at me blankly either having missed the question completely or not fully understanding it. 

“Your jacket.” I repeated, “That’s probably where your key is.” 

Boruto looked down at himself and frowned, seeming to have not realized until I pointed it out that he was no longer wearing that particular article of clothing. 

A laugh bubbled out of his lips and then he gave me a sheepish smile, “oops.” 

I shook my head, “Drink your tea.” I said, instead of scolding him for being so careless, like I wanted to. 

He followed my command without protest and took a long sip of liquid and I looked away, in the direction of the balcony and my abandoned tea from earlier. How quickly the night had changed. How strange it felt to be here with him like this. Even half here, he managed to make me feel so much more at ease. It made no sense, yet I finally understood. 

“I know your secret.” I heard him hum beside me. 

When I turned to look at him questioningly, he was looking at me with a slightly conspiratorial look, not accusing, but like we were in on this little “secret” of mine together. 

“And what secret would that be?” I asked. ‘because I have many’, I wanted to add.

“The mountains.” He said, eyes wide as if those two words explained everything. 

“The mountains?” I repeated and remembrance hit with enough force to knock the breath out of me.

I did not like what he was implying, that for whatever reason, years after the fact, this was surfacing again. I wanted crawl in on myself and forget everything from that mission and I wanted that whole year after it to be razed from existence. If he only knew how remembering it made me feel, he would have never said a thing. 

“What about the mountains?” I asked cooly, indifferent, training my eyes on the sliver of sky I could see through the glass of the balcony doors. 

“A-Ah! Ha-Hot!” I tensed at the sound of alarm in his voice, my eyes darting to him instantly. He was standing now and holding the cup up with both hands, looking looking down at himself with a wide-eyed grimace. He’d spilled a good portion of the beverage down the front of his shirt and onto his pants. 

“What the hell?” I growled, surprised by the exasperation that I could hear in my own voice as I took the cup from his hands and sat it on the coffee table beside the couch, “Get those off!” I called over my shoulder as I hurried toward my bed and pulled the thin duvet off the mattress in a single swift tug. 

I was back by his side in seconds, ready with the blanket to wrap around him, but he was hopelessly tangled in his shirt. I grit my teeth and threw the blanket down on to the arm of the couch and began helping him pull himself free of the material. Once it was off, I tossed it onto the floor. 

“Pants.” I said simply with a brief gesture toward them, then turned my back to him with my hands on my hips. 

I could hear the lethargy in his movements and the rustling of the material as it shifted. I concentrated on it and tried to match the speed of my heart to the slow, steady tapping of my index finger against my forearm. I was again tempted with the thought of some act of violence against myself for being such an idiot. 

In all reality, I had seen Boruto in much less than this. I could count on both hands how many times I’d seen his bare ass through the opening of a hospital gown as he ran through the hallways of the hospital trying to get away from the nurses or as he tried to escape through a window because they wouldn’t clear him for duty. 

Then there was that summer we visited the ruins of Uzushiogakure, the village that bore the Uzumaki Clan, the place where the grandmother he never knew was born and grew up. He was drunk then as well when he stripped down to his underwear and jumped headfirst into the river that surrounded the outskirts of the village. Mistsuki and I sat beside each other and watched silently from the riverbank until Boruto informed us that the underwear he had been wearing had come off during his dive. He ended up wearing Mitsuki’s shirt like a dress and having to walk the 20 minute trip to our camp bottomless. 

I wasn’t sure when it had become different, but it was very obvious to me in this moment that it had. Just the thought of his partial nakedness made me uncomfortable and embarrassed, and keenly aware of my own body. 

A crash against the table made me jump and without thinking my eyes flew to the source in an instant. Boruto had fallen to the side, one foot still tangled in the leg of his pants and he actually had the audacity to look me in the face and laugh. 

“Oh, what the fuck?” I mumbled under my breath, exasperated but I could feel the corners of my mouth attempting to turn up. 

“M’ sorry.” He huffed, letting his shoulder and arms sag toward the floor, finally realizing the extent of his inability.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, with a soft nudge to his shoulder. 

I tugged at the material and freed his trapped foot easily, then I tossed the garment onto the back of the couch before taking a knee beside him. 

“I’m going to pull you up.” I told him as I hooked my arms underneath his. 

He gave a simple nod in response and let his head rest on my chest just underneath my chin as I lifted him onto the couch. His wild hair tickled my cheek, like soft feathers against my overly sensitive skin. I felt my chest grow alarmingly tight at the sensation. 

Finally, I wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and secured the edges under his chin and sat back on the coffee table in front of him with a heavy sigh. 

“While this has been so much fun, I think it’s time you and I got some sleep.” 

The mention of sleep seemed to make his eyes droop even heavier and he nodded before wordlessly letting his head flop back onto the back of the couch with a thud. 

“No.” I said, pulling him up by his shoulders again, “You’re taking the bed.” 

He didn’t even open his eyes as I practically carried him into my room. There, he fell in a heap of muscles and soft fabric in the middle of the mattress. I found two more thin blankets in the hall closet and used one to drape over his still form as he slept. I tossed the other onto the couch for myself. I then grabbed his wet clothes and hung them over the shower curtain in the bathroom to let them dry while we slept. I stifled a yawn with the back of my hand as I placed our cups in the sink and was struck with just how tired I was. With my hands on either side of the sink, I let myself sag forward with closed eyes as I let the water fill and over run the cups sitting in the basin.

‘I know your secret.’ He had said. My stomach did flips at the memory of his words. How could he know? I couldn’t bear the thought of him being witness to so much of my weakness. I felt shame wrap around me like a form fitting glove and, just like that, fear was beginning to swallow me up again. 

“Saradaaa.” The low groan prompted my eyes to open. 

I turned the faucet and wiped by hands down the front of my pants before walking toward the bedroom where I leaned my shoulder against the doorframe with my arms crossed over my chest. 

“Are you okay?” I asked, “Do you need something?”

“Mh-mh. Jus’ wanna make sure you’re here.” He said, eyes still closed and unmoved from his position in the center of the bed. 

“This is my apartment. Of course I’m here.” I returned, unmoved from my spot as well. 

“Hm. Come sit with me until I go to sleep. M’ lonely.” He mumbled against the pillow, but judging by the thickness of his voice, he seemed nearly there already. 

I didn’t say anything in return and for a long time, I just stood there in the doorway silently, watching him as his body rose and fell softly with deep, heavy breaths. Then I felt my feet move, bringing me to his side. I slid onto my knees in the floor and laid my head atop my arms at the edge of the bed. I let my body relax there and my eyes close and after a moment, I didn’t feel so scared anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Once a week.” I said, knowing that I was probably not going to do that, but hoping that putting it out there would motivate me. 
> 
> The non-chapter update is still a thing and will be posted...eventually. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	7. The Picture of a Friend - Boruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Secrets, silent, stony sit in the dark palaces of both our hearts: secrets weary of their tyranny: tyrants willing to be dethroned.”  
> -James Joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is TWICE as long as all of  
> the other chapters, because the story is getting ready to make some major moves. It’s kind of, sort of another sadish one again, but I PROMISE it  
> won’t be sad and emotional forever. Staaaaaarting after these next couple of chapters.

“What’s wrong? You seem distracted today.” Mitsuki was standing over me, one hand on his hip and the other held out to me. 

I shifted on the ground then took his offered hand. On my feet, I dusted the grass and dirt off of my pants and stretched the stiffness out of my back and shoulders. 

I let out a heavy breath before I spoke, “I’m fine. Long night.” I replied, knowing full well that he knew what I was referring to.

He began to walk and I fell into step with him. We made our way across the training grounds side by side, my hands hidden in my pockets and his in his sleeves. 

“I heard.” he said with an amused smirk, “I think all of us did.” 

I laughed sheepishly and rubbed at the back of my head, “Sorry if we woke you. I guess we got a little carried away.” 

Mitsuki shrugged, “It wouldn’t be the first time, and I’m guessing it won’t be the last.” He was quiet for a moment, then added, “You shouldn’t drink so much, though. It’s bad for your health.” 

I scoffed, “You sound like my dad,” I plucked a leaf from a low hanging branch as I passed a tree and rolled it in between my fingers, then flicked it away, “I’ll be fine.” 

Mitsuki gave me a sideways look, but didn’t say anything in response. Though, we both knew that he didn’t need to say anything for me to get the message that was hanging in the air between us. 

The sun was peeking out just over the tree line with warm light bathing everything that it touched in sparkling gold. Training was over for the day and almost everyone had already disappeared with the beginning of the setting sun. 

I had hung back to take inventory of my kunai pouch and flak jacket underneath the shade of a tree, all the while racking my brain for the missing memories from the night before when Mitsuki walked up. 

Even as we walked together, it was still weighing heavy on my mind and I still wasn’t quite sure that it all hadn’t been just a dream. 

Waking up in someone else’s bed hadn’t been overly alarming, until I realized that someone was Sarada. Then came the perplexing realization that she was sleeping on the floor beside the bed and not in it with me. Seeing her had startled me enough to get me scrambling off of the mattress, which of course woke her instantly. We stared at each other for a moment before she turned a slight shade of pink and began to laugh. I then realized that I was standing in the middle of her bedroom in nothing but my underwear. I was stunned into silence for a second, my mouth hung slightly open wordlessly, but then I began to laugh too because, for the life of me, I could not recall anything that happened up until this point or how on earth I ended up here.

Maybe I should have asked more questions, but in the moment I was too stunned and too full of raw nerves to ask outright. I’d fantasized about ending up in her bed tons of times, but certainly not alone with her sleeping on the floor. That was definitely a bad look on my part. Not to mention the awkward realization that my clothes had come off at some point in the night. Not that it really bothered me, but seeing her avert her gaze and the distinct color in her face, made my stomach do flips and made me feel extremely self conscious. 

I was a ball of nervous energy that whole morning and I knew that she was able to read it all over my face, despite my attempt at dawning an air of nonchalance with my weak jokes and overly chipper attitude even though I was battling a hellish hangover. She went with it though, joking back in that ‘I’m seriously unimpressed with you’ way that she did, even though she was smiling and would even occasionally laugh along, but whether or not it was out of sympathy, I couldn’t tell. 

We sat together on the couch and talked while we ate a quick breakfast. It was casual, normal even, like it was something that we did all the time and for a moment I let myself pretend that we did. It was a dangerous game that I was allowing myself to play. I understood that, yet I let myself slip easily and shamelessly into the comfortable scene in my head.

“Hey. Hey! Are you listening to me?” 

I blinked the images away rapidly and found Shikadai standing in front of me instead, arms crossed over his chest and an annoyed frown on his face. I hadn’t even realized that Mitsuki and I had come to a stop. 

I gave my head a quick shake to clear my thoughts and glanced over at Mitsuki who was looking at me with a slight hint of amusement gleaming in his eyes. I shot him a mildly annoyed glare before turning my attention back to Shikadai. 

“Sorry, what did you say?” 

Shikadai’s mouth twisted into a light scowl, “That mission you wouldn’t shut up about last night. I asked my dad about it this morning,” He began, shifting his eyes lazily between Mitsuki and me, though I knew him well enough to see the underlying suspicion there, “He wouldn’t say much, because it is classified, but he did say that it caused some major waves with the council and that Sarada took the brunt of it.”

That much I had guessed, but I still frowned at the scenario it was beginning to paint in my head. I hadn’t realized it had gone all the way to the council, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Of course they would have something to complain about. It was always something with them.

I hated the idea of her going through that alone, on top of everything that she had gone through with the mission itself. It made me angry, being left in the dark, unable to do anything and knowing that she had to face things coming at her from all sides, all on her own. For what? To protect my feelings? I didn’t need her to do that for me. 

“How did it end? Suspension?” I guessed, rubbing at my chin as I turned the information over in my mind. 

Shikadai shrugged, “Don’t know. Probably a 90 day suspension without pay, if I had to guess, but I could be wrong. Like I said, I don’t have all the details. All I really know is that your dad was pretty pissed about it.”

“Not at her though, right?” I asked.

I couldn’t really picture him being upset about what she’d done, but rather at the situation itself and the council’s sense of entitlement at determining her punishment. This situation was different and a lot more difficult than most, I could recognize that. On the one hand, I knew that my dad loved me. Obviously he didn’t want me to die, but sitting in his other hand, weighing just as heavily, was his love for the village and his responsibility to it. I’d seen what it looked like when the two things that he loved the most were at war with each other. As a kid I couldn’t really understand what it all meant. How could I,  
until I was able to feel it for myself? And feel it, I had. Kawaki finally made me see and that alone was something that I still struggled to work through and has been something even harder for me not to relive in my mind on a daily basis, even when i’m asleep.

Shikadai shook his head, “No, If it had been up to him, I bet Sarada would have probably gotten off with a verbal reprimand and nothing more. That’s just a hunch though, based on what my dad said about the whole thing. Even after all this time and after everything, the council and fire Daimyō still manage to hold onto their grudge against the Uchihas. Seems they just wouldn’t budge on this.”

“Fucking assholes.” I frowned, shaking my head, “I wish she would’ve just told me.”

“What could you have done?” Shikadai returned, “You might have made it worse. Maybe it was good that you didn’t know.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

The dark haired boy shrugged again and sighed, visibly annoyed, “Look, it's not my business and it’s not my place to say anything, but you should just ask her about it. I mean, we’re standing around gossiping like a bunch of children about something that happened years ago when you could just find out all you want to know by having a simple conversation. You’re close. It shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose in between my fingers and bit back an exasperated groan, “It’s not that easy. Things are...complicated right now. If I can just find out what happened, maybe I’ll talk to her about it then.”

When my hand fell from my brow and I looked at Shikadai again, he was looking back at me skeptically, studying my face for some sort of elaboration as to what my words meant. I shot a quick, retreating glance over to Mitsuki, who was staring up into the sky with his hands clasped behind his back, seemingly uninterested with the conversation. 

“I think Shikadai has a point.” He added, feeling my eyes on him and meeting them with his own, “Involving other people will just make the situation worse. Talking to her directly would be the best course of action.”

I huffed, glaring at Mitsuki, “If it weren’t for you telling me about it in the first place, I would still be completely oblivious to the whole situation and it wouldn’t even matter. I know that you know what happened. Why don’t you just tell me and save me the trouble?” 

Mitsuki’s features slid into a comfortable calm as he considered me, “As I told you, it is not my place to say. I’d intended for it to be a conversation between you and her from the very beginning, but I see now that I might have made a mistake. I assure you that my intentions were nothing but good. If I’ve caused you harm, I regret it and I sincerely apologize.”

“You know that things have been weird between us.” I said, continuing as if he hadn’t spoken, eyes still hard and steady on him, “Talking to her about something like this is impossible right now and you know that.”

“Tch,” My eyes darted away from Mitsuki and toward Shikadai and the annoyed sound that had come from his curled lips, “That’s just an excuse. Have an actual hard conversation for once instead of blaming others and trying to take the easy way out, or drinking it away. Things will always be complicated. That’s what makes them worthwhile. If you want to know more about it, ask her.” He said. He hesitated for a moment and then crossed his arms in front of his chest before he continued, “Look, everyone knows how you feel about her. It’s kind of been obvious for a while and it’s a drag to watch you keep doing this to yourself. Have the conversation or move on, but stop running in place and then blaming her and everyone else because you’re staying in the same spot.” He paused again, mouth twisting into a deeper frown, “Besides that, I’m her friend too and I don’t feel comfortable digging around in her past for you, just because you’re pissed off that she didn’t want to include you in something.”

I felt my jaw tighten against clenched teeth, acting as a cage against the angry and terrible things I wanted to say from escaping my mouth. My balled fists stayed shoved deeply inside of my pants pockets to prevent myself from attempting to take a swing at either of the men.

Even though I knew it wasn’t, It felt like a near calculated ambush, one that I was extremely ill equipped for and had no way of rebutting. I wasn’t sure what was worse, being called out for being afraid, being called out for not-so-secretly having a thing for my former teammate or having witnesses to my own humiliation. I felt small and weak and my anger was threatening to overflow because of it. 

“Look at you acting all high and mighty. Fuck off. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said through gritted teeth, somehow managing to keep from yelling, although probably not at all convincing to the other boy. I began to walk away in retreat, overcome with embarrassment and knowing that I had no real argument against what he said, but Shikadai’s voice made me hesitate. 

“I don’t?” Shikadai’s dark eyebrow arched, “You know I’m right. I’m not trying to piss you off, but someone had to say it and Mitsuki wasn’t going to.” He paused and shot an indignant look at the other boy, “And you should have just kept that information to yourself in the first place.”

Mitsuki shrugged, the glinting amusement finally abandoning his face as he turned his attention back to the clouds above his head. Shikadai stared at him with a look in his eyes that suggested that he might strangle the other boy in the next few seconds. I tore past both of them while their attention was not on me and made my way toward the safety of the village and it’s maze-like streets and alleyways. 

“Oi, get back over here! We’re not done talking! Boruto!” Shikadai called after me, but the sound had already grown faint in the distance between us. 

Even still, I ignored it, and continued until I was weaving through one of the denser parts of the village, hidden by the steady flow of people making their way home from work for the evening. I wasn’t sure where I was going yet, apart from as far away as possible. I felt like vomiting. Shikadai’s words rang in my ears. ‘We all know how you feel about her’. I was afraid to know who he was referring to and it made me sick to think that Sarada could very easily be one of them. Could she have known of my feelings for her this whole time? I think I would rather be rejected outright. 

How could they have seen through me so easily? I acted the way that I always had around her, at least I made a concerted effort to. Maybe it had been all the drunken nights. What if I let something slip? What if I didn’t hold my alcohol as well as I thought. If that was the case, there was no possible way to determine how much or to who I revealed my secrets to. 

I groaned and pulled my hands down my face, then stuffed them into my pockets roughly. I didn’t want to think about this anymore. I wanted to forget that all of my friends were aware of my hopeless infatuation with the next Hokage. I wanted to forget that I’d ever heard anything more about that mission in the mountains. I didn’t want to feel the humiliation and dread of being seen through, of not being as good at hiding my failures and my sorry excuse for coping as I’d thought. I wanted numbness. Darkness. Nothingness. What I needed was to lose myself in something, someone, anything, but that might have been what got me into this mess in the first place. 

I stared up at the flashing neon sign above me, enticing, welcoming and promising me the easy oblivion that I needed. 

But what if Shikadai was right? Maybe I needed to stop running away. Maybe I needed to face the complicated things I’ve been avoiding. Maybe talking to Sarada about this wouldn’t drive a wedge between us, maybe it could serve as a means to fortify our weakened bond. 

This...This just seemed so much easier, though.

“You didn’t get enough of that last night?” Her voice sounded calm, amused but there was something slightly strained about it.

I turned and blinked, my mouth hung open slightly with words that evaporated before leaving my lips. Sarada was standing there, one hand on her hip and the other lying loosely by her side. She was dressed in civilian clothes. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her out of her gear or the white coat she wore at the hospital. The dress she wore was a red, silky material that tapered at her waist perfectly and ended just below her knees. Her shoulders were bare except for the thin straps of the dress and the dark strands that fell free from a clip that was holding half of her hair back. Her glasses were gone and I noted the subtle addition of color to her cheeks and eyes. She looked so different, but just as beautiful as ever.

“What? Is it too much? I’m supposed to be meeting Shigeru’s parents tonight.” She laughed hollowly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and averting her eyes.

Not for the first time, I envied the man. There were plenty of people that I had wanted to emulate in my life time, but never before had I wanted to be someone so desperately.

My mouth felt dry, so I swallowed and said, “You’re not wearing your glasses.”, instead of all of the things that I wanted to tell her and internally I was kicking myself. 

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t think it was too much, by any stretch of the imagination. I wanted to tell her how perfect she looked, that looking at her made me remember the stars I’d seen in the sky on the nights I’d spent in the wild, unnamed parts of the world, or how it felt like a rush of cool water hitting my face as I dove in, always startling at first but never unsatisfying, or how she made the air around me feel like it was full of electricity, buzzing in my ears and prickling my skin until I felt like I would evaporate or implode. 

She touched her face where the rim of her glasses would have sat, a slight pout formed on her lips, “Right. Well, I wanted to make a good impression.”

To think that she would be worried about something like that. Even asleep on the floor with her cheek sitting in a puddle of drool and her hair in knots, in my eyes, no one else could compare. 

My head tilted to the side, giving her a soft, thoughtful grin, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I was just making an observation. Either way you look beautiful.” 

Her eyes widened for just a second and I could feel my smile turn up even further. I watched as the skin on her cheeks and chest turned the slightest shade of pink. I could feel my heart speed at the sight of it. Then she blinked and her nose scrunched softly.

“Stop that. Does that seriously work for you?” She said, crossing her arms and unintentionally framing the slight dip of the soft fabric at the front of her dress and the curve of her pale chest. 

I let out a nervous laugh and glanced away blindly, “Does what work?” I asked, once my eyes were back on her and focused in on her darkly lined eyes and lashes . 

“Those weak pickup lines paired with that silly grin. Do the girls you meet in bars really fall for that?” With an arched brow, she gestured toward the establishment we were standing in front of, her voice filled with that familiar mix of condescension and light humor. 

She probably assumed that was what I was here for. A pang of guilt made my stomach sink. 

“Sometimes.” I admitted, but I didn’t add that most of the time the pickup line itself didn’t really matter all that much. Most of the people I’d met in bars like this just needed an excuse or an invitation, and oftentimes a weak pickup line and a silly grin gave them just that. 

“Not working for you?” I asked.

She scoffed, “No. I’m not so easily impressed and you’re not as charming as you think.” 

She turned her face away, seeming to study the front of the building with evident disdain before glancing back at me with a smirk, as if she’d just won something. Even if it was at my expense, I couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked while making that face at me. I had to fight the urge to lean in closer to her. 

I laughed, “I’m very charming.” 

“Yes, you were very charming while you were spilling hot tea all over yourself and stripping down to your underwear.” 

I could feel a creeping heat at the back of my neck with the memory. I laughed again, louder this time, “Lucky for me, if you don’t find me charming, I could probably just get by with humiliating myself for your enjoyment. Seems to have worked up until now.” 

She rolled her eyes and shifted her feet, causing certain other parts of her body to shift as well, “How do you figure?” 

“You can’t live without me, right? Even completely wasted, I still managed to wake up in your bed somehow.” I shrugged, “That alone proves my case.”

Though my head was slightly turned and my eyes weren’t fully on her, out of the corner of my vision, I waited in anticipation for her reaction. 

“To sleep!” She corrected, her voice coming out in a roar. 

Her hands were at her hips now and she was standing slightly lifted onto the balls of her feet to try to level herself with me. She was glaring up at me with steely eyes and a scowl. 

“You made Shikadai stay in his room.” I pointed out with a shrug, taking my eyes off of her for a moment to glance at the neon sign in the bar window.

I felt a soft blow, for Sarada, connect with my chest, knocking the breath out of me in a strangled gasp. 

“Next time I’ll make you sleep out in the street, idiot.” 

“Ow.” I huffed as I rubbed at the sensitive spot and straightened my back. I could already feel the beginnings of a bruise. A breathy, nervous laugh left my lips, “Damn, you hit me pretty hard.” 

“That was not hard. I was actually being gentle.” She responded with her voice flippant and a brow arched, “Maybe if you hung out at places like this less and got more sleep, you would’ve seen it coming and been able to block it.”

I let out a long sigh through my nose, “Why is everyone so concerned with where I decide to spend my time and how I decide to spend it?”

“We’re just worried about you.” She shot back a little too quickly, a little too defensively, making me wonder if I was the first person she’s mentioned this too. 

I thought about what Shikadai said just minutes before and what Mitsuki had said just before that. Different words and very different delivery, but the same underlying message, and even though I was still angry and embarrassed about what had been said, I knew that there was at least some truth in it. I knew that my methods of coping weren’t exactly healthy, but they were perfectly conventional. I’d never seen it as a problem. A lot of shinobi did it. Of course, some fell into ruin because of it, but I had a handle on it. That wouldn’t happen with me. 

A part from the fact that my friends were apparently talking very candidly about my bad habits, was the fact that this was just another instance of me being left in the dark about something and I couldn't help but wonder what that meant exactly. Did they look at me and see weakness? Did Sarada see me as someone who was too weak to handle myself? 

“We’re?” I asked pointedly, raising a brow. 

Sarada’s feet shifted underneath her with uncertainty, but her eyes didn’t reflect it, “We’re, as in your friends that care about you.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, “I’m fine. So, I drink sometimes. It’s not a big deal.” 

She held up her hands up to me and shifted her eyes over the people in the street that were walking past us. I guess my voice was a little louder than I’d thought. 

She moved in closer to me, her voice low, “I know, I know. It’s not that. Well...not just that. It’s-,” she shook her head, searching for the words, “I don’t know, Boruto. Something has been going on with you for the past year. You just seem so… distracted, like you’re not here half of the time. I promised myself that I wouldn’t ask because we decided to drop it, but how can I just sit here and pretend like I don’t see it? I can’t help but worry.”

The ache in my heart caused by her words reverberated through my body violently. I felt my palms grow slick with sweat as I flexed them open and closed. 

“Sarada, I- I’m okay. I’m going to be okay. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m just- working through some things.” I tried to reassure her. I looked down at her upturned face and into the vast darkness of her eyes. She was looking back into mine, quietly for something in them. Afraid of what she might find, I lifted my hand to her arm and touched it softly, breaking her eyes away from mine and on to the hand touching her.

She looked down at it for a long moment, then back up at me, “Come sit with me. I want to tell you something.” She nodded toward the bar with her chin. 

“Alright.” I agreed without hesitation and we found a booth tucked in a dark corner.

I ordered a drink as we passed the bar and she settled on a glass of water. Sitting across from her, shadowed in darkness, she looked so beautiful. The atmosphere added something to the air around her. There was something secretive and sultry in the way she looked in the low light as her eyes followed the waitress as  
she was bringing us our drinks. 

I wondered what she would be like on a date and how she looked when she was flirting. I couldn’t picture it. I’d never seen her show interest in anyone romantically, even with Shigeru she was  
still extremely controlled. The thought brought a smile to my face. 

She sat forward when our drinks arrived, one hand supporting her chin and the other spinning a napkin in a circle and watching it absently, stalling for time, I guessed. It was strange, I felt like I should be the one doing that. 

“Aren’t you going to be late?” I asked, not that I really cared for Shigeru or his parents, but I wanted the silence to end and even though talking was her idea, being late would’ve upset her. 

The napkin stopped mid-circle and she finally looked at me, “No. I have some time. I was actually on my way back to the training grounds to look for my dad. He’s supposed to be coming with me.” 

“Should we go look for him?” I questioned, taking my eyes off of her and rubbing my thumb against my glass. 

“No. He’ll turn up.” She responded, “He always does.” 

I looked up to find her staring at me intently with a touch of a frown on her face. 

I shifted the glass, ready to take a drink and paused, “What?” 

Sarada reached out, pulling the glass from my hand and placing it to her lips and took a long sip before I was able to properly react. Her nose wrinkled at the taste, but she took another drink before wordlessly pushing the glass of water toward me.

“You don’t drink.” I stated drying, taking the glass of water to my lips. 

“Right now I do.” She said simply, keeping the glass elevated off of the table with the tips of her fingers, holding it in place around the rim. She swirled the liquid experimentally then shifted it in her grip to bring it to her lips again. Then she sighed, “Besides, I want you to remember what I’m about to tell you, because I don’t want to have to say it again.”

Suddenly, nervous and thinking about the previous night, I began to ramble, “What is this about? Did I do something last night? If I did, I’m sorry. I-,”

“No, you didn’t do anything,” She voiced quietly, pausing for a moment and looking at me with such a haunting mix of emotion that I almost forgot the glass in my hand and let it slip, “You said something that night...about a mission from a long time ago.” 

Silently, I watched the subtle pinch of her features as memories from back then came back to her and I felt the aching urge to grab her hands in mine, but I forced myself to refrain. 

“Sarada…” I began before I knew exactly what I was going to say to her. 

She held her palm up to me and shook her head, “I’m sorry for not telling you then. You were so upset after. I guess I thought that I was protecting you, but...maybe I was just trying to protect myself.” She lifted the glass to her lips and let it linger there for a moment before sighing, closing her eyes, taking another sip and sitting it back down in front of her,“I couldn’t figure it out for a long time, but it makes sense now, you know- why you’ve been so distant lately. I know that you must feel that I betrayed your trust and after…Well, after Kawaki, it must sting that much more.” 

I didn’t even know what she was talking about and, suddenly, finding out didn’t matter as much anymore. I this moment, hated myself for being so obsessed with figuring out the truth. What did it even matter anyway, if it was going to cause her this much pain now? Here she was apologizing for hurting me, when I had no idea what she was even talking about. I have been selfish, selfish for letting my jealousy get the better of me, selfish for practically demanding an explanation for her engagement, selfish for thinking that it was my right to know about something that barely had anything to do with me. So selfish. So stupid and blind to the pain of others because it wasn’t my own. Why can I never leave well enough alone? Why couldn’t I just stick to my word and let the old things die with the past? Why is it that I press and press until I end up breaking the things that I want to protect the most? It was so twisted, as twisted as my insides felt right now. 

It’s true. After Kawaki I became jaded. Before him, I gave my trust away too easily and when it was broken by him, it was devastating. Maybe that had done something to me? No- it had been this way long before his betrayal, but the cracks that were caused by him never fully healed and it, whatever “it” was, slowly began to seep it’s way out of me and slowly taint everything that it touched. 

Now, it- I was threatening to taint one of the only pure things that I had left in my life, because I couldn’t just let it go, or even just ask her out right, like a normal person. Instead, I just made her believe that all of our arguments and my distance boiled down to me being angry with her because of something that happened during a mission years ago. 

“Sarada that’s...that’s got nothing to do with what’s been going on with me. I don’t even know what you’re sorry for. I don’t even know what happened. I just found out the day before we left the village that anything happened at all.” I let out a deep sigh and finally found the courage to look at her again, “I mean, yeah, I was pissed about it, but I- I don’t know, okay? I just thought you might be keeping it from me because you thought I couldn’t handle it. Mitsuki said that you asked him to keep it from me because I felt guilty about what happened. Even still, I wish you would’ve just told me.”

Sarada didn’t cry often. That’s not to say that she wasn’t an emotional person. Her temper could flare at the drop of a hat, but like her father, she was exceptionally good at masking whatever it was that she may be feeling. This was not one of those moments. The mask was beginning to slip away, and I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that she rarely drank or that she was actually beginning to crack. Even the thought of the latter scared me. Sarada didn’t crack. She just didn’t. She was unshakable, the backbone of our squad of three, our constant, alway the dependable and unmovable one. That’s just who she was. I didn’t know this person in front of me. I didn’t know the tear filled, shadowy eyes that were looking across the table at me. She took another drink of the dark amber liquid, a slight but noticeable tremble in her hand. 

I felt sick with regret for dragging this all out again and fear of what she was about to tell me. I didn’t want to know anymore if this is what it meant. 

Sarada tapped the side of her glass a couple of times, “I guess I should start by saying that the mission we were given, it wasn’t my only mission. The coup in the land of Mountains was a bit of a fabrication, and while our objective overall was to gather intelligence, I was given the order to obtain certain scrolls that had disappeared from the tower a few weeks prior to the mission. Ibi, our medic for that assignment, was the one suspected of it. She was assigned to us for that reason. We thought she would probably get careless the deeper we got into the land of mountains and inevitably reveal herself, which is exactly what happened. I was supposed to keep an eye on her...but you see how that went.” A deep, tired sigh came from her lips, silenced by the tipping of her glass.

“Stop. You’re going to make yourself sick.” I said weakly, half stunned at the new information, using it as an excuse to wrap my hand around the glass over her hand once it was sitting back on the table, finally feeding my urge to touch her. 

She shook her head at me, “Things were going well up until I found and obtained the scrolls. Somehow word got back to Ibi that I had them and instead of attacking me directly, she went straight for you. I suppose since she knew that I had the scrolls, she assumed I’d be the most likely to be prepared for an attack. She...I-I don’t know if I’ve ever said this out loud...but she was the first person I ever killed...and it happened so fast and easily. As the mission went on, it just kept happening again and again as more enemy shinobi came for us. You know, the weird thing is, I don’t remember even reacting or feeling anything when I did it. It was easy, my body already knew what to do. It was a terrifying feeling. I don’t quite know how to explain it. The guilt...and all the rest came later when it was all over and I was back home.” She paused, eyes glazing slightly with the vivid remembrance of memory. After a few seconds she blinked and began again, “All I had to do was get you two, the scrolls and the information concerning the assassination attempt back home. That’s it. That’s all I had to do, and I failed, disastrously.” 

Thinking about her killing Ibi was difficult to hear, hearing her talk about it was even worse. Sarada had known her for years. They weren’t close, but they knew each other before the mission. The girl had trained under Shizune and worked in the hospital with Sakura many times when they were short staffed. It wasn’t like she was a random enemy shinobi like the others.

It brought me back to my own feelings about killing and the amount of death in our world. While I was keenly aware of our role as protectors of the village and what that responsibility demanded of us, the killing of another had always been something we tried to avoid if at all possible. It hadn’t always been that way, that had been my dad’s doing. 

‘You couldn’t expect to find peace in spilling the blood of another. It doesn’t take courage and strength to kill someone. The act of killing is much easier than convincing people that it’s more worthwhile to change their ways,’ he’d always say, ‘but a path filled with death won’t ever bring you to the light.’ 

Sarada knew all of this, and I knew that she believed in it too, but sometimes killing was a necessary part of the job, no matter how much we wished it wasn’t. 

“Sarada, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” I told her finally, after sifting through all that she’s said, “We all came back alive, who cares if the council was pissed off because the information and the scrolls were delayed.”

She shook her head, trying to raise the glass against my hand, but I held it there firmly. She looked at me, eyes still sparkling under the dim light with unshed tears. I could feel the tremble of her fingers on the inside of my palm. 

“The scrolls never made it back.” She said blandly, slipping her hand out from underneath mine and placing both in her lap.

I looked at her silently, my hand still in the place that she’d left it. A single humorless laugh escaped her lips and she looked pained as she glanced away for a moment.

“The scrolls were protected by various seals that hadn’t been released yet, but as a fail safe, I placed a seal of my own on them, only openable by certain chakra signatures, mine and your father’s. When I was captured, they took the scrolls and were able to release all of the seals protecting them, except for mine.” She sat back against the back of her chair, leaning her head back and closing her eyes, “They tried...everything to get me to release the seal, once they realized that I was the only one that could. I knew that holding on to that information was the only thing that was going to keep me alive, but even then my time was limited. Then, you and Mitsuki showed up two days later. They had tracked the both of you to one of Orochimaru’s hideouts. Mitsuki was injured and you were stable, but terribly weak and still unconscious.” 

“What?” My voice was so low when I spoke that I wasn’t sure if she heard me at first, but when I tried to find her eyes, she was already looking at me gravely. 

She shook her head, averted her eyes and then flexed her jaw, “They only needed one of you alive to use as leverage against me...and they figured that you were already close to dead anyway.”

Realization dawned on me and I finally understood. It wasn’t just the fact that the information was delayed, or the fact that the scrolls had fallen into enemy hands, it was the fact that, in exchange for mine and Mistuki’s life, she willingly unsealed forbidden scrolls and revealed secrets belonging to the Hidden Leaf, secrets that could inevitably be used to destroy the village. It was much, much worse than I had realized and I finally understood the gravity of the situation and her hesitation in sharing it.

I couldn’t say what I would have done the same if our roles had been reversed and I had to make the decision for myself, but I can say with confidence that I wouldn’t have allowed my friends to die and I would never and will never hold Sarada’s choice to save us against her. 

It was an unbelievably difficult choice and it broke my heart that it was one that she was forced to make all on her own and then to come home and be judged and then punished for doing what she thought was right, for saving her friends, I couldn’t imagine what she must have gone through. 

All I could think about was how I wasn’t there. I was already running from the things that were falling apart inside of me, while things were falling in all around her at home. 

“You saved Mistuki’s life and my life...twice during that mission. There should be nothing for you to be ashamed of, Sarada. Do you hear me? You didn’t do anything that Mistuki or I wouldn’t have done ourselves. In my eyes, you did nothing wrong.” I told her, my hand leaving the glass and reaching for hers

She placed her hand in mine and my fingers closed around it. I gave her a light, reassuring squeeze, but the look on her face didn’t change.

“What is it?” I asked, “Say something.” 

Sarada’s shoulders sagged forward slightly,  
allowing more of her long, dark hair to fall over her shoulders, “I lost hope after that, Boruto. I didn’t want to tell you, not because of what I’d done during the mission, because I knew in my heart that you would understand a decision like that, but because I was afraid of how you would look at me if you knew that I’d given up.” 

“Given up?” I repeated, heart beginning to race, “What do you mean?”

She looked up, her features hard and pinched, “After everything, I realized something, that I might just not have what it takes to become the Hokage, or even remain a shinobi, for that matter. Sacrifice is what makes us who we are, but it’s not just the loss that’s unbearable, it’s living with it afterward. Being Hokage is no different, look at your father and your grandfather, my uncle and all that they lost for the sake of the village. Look at what we have lost since that mission, Boruto. I wasn’t sure that I had it in me to be that kind of ninja. Could I sacrifice everything, even if it meant sacrificing my friends, for the sake of the village? When it came down to it, I couldn’t. I chose you without hesitation, without any remorse, not even knowing if they would actually go through with the bargain or not, just knowing that it was my only option if I wanted to save you. I used to think that the hardest part would be giving up your own life, but it was nothing. I knew that I would die as soon as all seven of the scrolls were opened, but I hardly remember feeling anything at all for myself, not even fear. I just remember how it felt imagining living through it, having chosen to keep my mouth shut and the seals intact. The village’s secrets would be safe, but we’d all be dead. You and Mitsuki would be dead. Maybe that would have been more noble...I don’t know, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let the both of you die too. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t believe it when I made it home alive, and then I realized that you two had made it as well. It was surreal. None of us should have survived that, but somehow we did.” Sarada’s eyes closed as if she was pained, “By the time I was debriefed, Mistuki had already told them most of what happened. I filled them in on everything else that happened after the both of you made it back, but the council was already determined to strip me of my headband before I’d even had my say, and I didn’t fight it. What good is walking a path if you no longer have faith in the destination anyway? The 7th was able to convince me to not act so quickly. So, I was tentatively placed on a 30 day suspension, followed by 60 days of light duty. That’s when I began working in the hospital and, in working there, I thought I might have found my place. I was able to really help people. After my 30 days were up, I turned in my headband. I had made up my mind and I wanted to be done.” 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sarada quit? She’s given up all she had worked for, given up on her dream. I felt even heavier with guilt for not even being aware of what actually happened and what she must have gone through physically and emotionally during and after that mission. I was so caught up in my own head that I missed every possible sign she could have given me that something was wrong. 

I don’t even remember much from that period. She seemed fine. She always seemed like she was completely fine. I should have known to ask her. I should have been up front with how I felt and maybe she might have felt that she could have been up front with me too. 

That was the big question in my mind now- What had changed? Obviously she decided to come back at some point. 

How the Hell had I missed so much? I could blame it on being gone, but she’d made a point to write to me...and even then she acted as if nothing had changed. 

My fists hit hard on the surface of the table, causing a loud thud against the wood. She watched silently, looking smaller than I’d ever seen her look before. I clenched my fists against the surface, trying to control the churning mixture of emotion that I felt. I wasn’t mad at her. I was mad at the situation, the council, but most of all, myself. 

“I don’t get it.” I told her, shaking my head, “I don’t understand any of this.

Sarada sighed and placed a hand over one of my clenched fists, “I’m sorry. I know I can’t ask you not to be mad at me, but I am sorry for not telling you and for asking Mitsuki to keep it from you as well.” 

I opened my fist and let her fingers slid into my hand, “I’m not mad at you. I’m just mad, I guess. Out of all of the things that I thought it might be, I never would have guessed it would be this. You’ve always been unbreakable, Sarada.” My thumb slid over her knuckles softly, then I looked up at her and our eyes met, “I wish I could go back and do so many things differently.”

A shadow of a smile turned up the corners of her mouth, “Everyone has their breaking point, Boruto, even me.” With her free hand, she turned up the glass and emptied what remained into her mouth, then slid the empty glass to the edge of the table.

“Not you.” I protested without thinking.

“But I still feel the same way!” She shot back earnestly, frustrated with herself, “I’m still so scared that when the time comes, I’ll fail.”

“You won’t, Sarada.” I assured her, voice slightly pleading.

“You can’t know that for sure.” 

“Did you forget that I know you better than anyone?” I reminded her, “You’ll find a way and if you feel like you can’t, I’ll always be there, I swear.”

Her jaw clenched, “But you left the last time I needed you to be there.” She gasped when she said it, covering her mouth with her hand to hide her shock. Her apology tumbled out of her in a quick stream of words, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Her hand tightening around mine, even though I hadn’t tried to pull it away. After all, she was right. I was already thinking it too. I thought we were close back then, everyone did. It turns out we were fooling ourselves as much as we’d fooled everyone else. 

I thought back to my conversation with Shikadai earlier, and how he’d seen through the whole thing. I was so fearful of being seen, but I would give anything for her to be able to open up my chest in this moment and see everything that I was feeling that I couldn’t put into words. 

“It’s okay. I know I’ve messed up, but I’m here now. I’m going to be better and I’m not going anywhere.”

“We both need to be better.” She affirmed after a small pause, in a whisper.

I nodded, realizing then that we had leaned in close to each other from across the table, our hands still tethered us together. We stared at each other for a long, silent moment. I wondered what she was thinking while she looked at me. 

“I wanted to tell you back then, you know. So badly,” she began quietly, only loud enough for the two of us to hear, “When I wrote  
you that letter, I meant to tell you then.  
I just...I couldn’t take you being disappointed in me too. I guess I was so afraid of what you would think of me that I felt like I had no other choice but to hide it. When I decided that becoming Hokage was my dream, it’s like you took my dream and made it yours, and I felt like I was throwing something away that didn’t just belong to me. I just couldn’t- I couldn’t stand the thought of you knowing that I had fallen so short. I couldn’t bear the thought of you knowing that I had given up. I know it’s stupid and you don’t want to hear my excuses, but I just want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you.”

I could feel her hand shaking in mine as tears began to leave trails of grey down her cheeks. She wiped at the wetness roughly with the palm of her free hand, cursing when she realized that she’d forgotten about her makeup. 

My heart was beating painfully hard. I knew she didn’t want to hurt me, but it did hurt me that she was afraid to tell me the truth because she thought that I would be disappointed in her. It killed me. I wanted to be the person that she came to with the things that were hard for her to talk about, and I wanted her to be that person for me too. 

My eyes followed the napkin in her hand as she dabbed away the wetness on her cheeks. If it hadn’t been for the table between us, I would’ve already pulled her into my arms.

I should just tell her everything now. 

“Does it look bad?” She asked, showing me her face at different angles. The only evidence still left from her tears were her eyes that remained slightly glassy and red rimmed.

“No, still beautiful.” I told her hoarsely, with a half smile.

She let out a small laugh and shook her head, “Still not working.” 

“That’s okay.” I smiled, “I’ll keep trying until it does.” 

She looked at me curiously with her head cocked slightly to the side, then her eyes shifted and widened, “Oh, Fuck!” 

I followed her gaze to the doorway where Shigeru was standing, his eyes darting across the room. Sarada slid out of the booth. I followed behind her silently.

I didn’t think it was physically possible for Shigeru to frown, but his signature too-pleasant grin was nowhere to be seen.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for over an hour.” His voice wasn’t harsh, but the way he looked at her was cutting. He glanced over at me with his lip curled in disgust. 

I had to bite back the urge to punch him back through the doorway. 

“I’m so sorry. I- We got to talking and I lost track of time.” She explained in a rush, trying to usher him out the door, “Come on. Let’s go. I’m sure if we hurry-”

He planted his feet and held her by her elbows, looking her over with his icy blue eyes, “Have you been drinking?” 

It was a question for her, but he was looking over at me accusingly. Sarada bit her lip and glanced over at me before looking back at him, “A little. I just had one glass while we were talking.” She admitted, with a slight reddening is her cheeks as if she were a child being scolded for doing something that she wasn’t supposed to be.

I kept my face schooled, holding his gaze steadily. He finally looked away and back at her, his face beginning to morph back into the mask that he wore.

“Darling, I’m just glad you’re alright. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound so upset,” he sighed, softening his eyes and moving his hands up and down her arms, “When you didn’t show up I got worried and your dad said he hadn’t seen you for a few hours. I walked around town until I was able to sense your chakra, but it was so erratic. I thought something was wrong.”

“No. Everything is fine. It was probably just my body reacting to the alcohol. Come on. Let’s not keep them waiting any longer than I already have.” She said, finally succeeding in coercing him out of the door. 

I followed behind them, but stopped once I was just outside the doorway. Shigeru has his hand against the thin fabric at the small of Sarada’s back, guiding her down the street. She turned to look at me as they walked away together, giving me a small apologetic smile. I smiled back and shrugged my shoulder at her. For a moment everything faded away and it felt like somehow we’d side-stepped out of reality. As our eyes stayed locked on each other, I could see that she felt it too. We were connected. Maybe more now  
than we ever had been, even when things seemed to be at their worst. My chest ached simultaneously with a sense of wholeness and longing. 

I watched her nose scrunch underneath a sweet smile before she turned to walk away, shattering the stillness of our secret moment as quickly as it had appeared, but I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my own lips as I headed off in the opposite direction, passing the Neon sign as if blinked behind the glass of the bar window.


	8. Paths to Change -Sarada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want him to see the flowers in my eyes and hear the songs in my hands”.
> 
> -Francesca Lia Block

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you thought I abandoned this. 😖😖

The streets were completely empty, the sky dark and starless with angry, swirling clouds circling overhead like scavenging vultures. The bottom looked like it would drop out at any second and the sky would wash us both away. 

I hadn’t thought to bring my umbrella, and if it rained, my dress and my shoes would surely be ruined, but I didn’t really care about that right now. I didn’t really even care for this dress anyway. It was less material than I was used to, but I felt more confined than ever underneath the thin fabric. I couldn’t wait to be rid of it once I was back in my apartment and maybe, finally get some rest after such an emotionally taxing day. 

What I wanted more than anything, though, was to finish what Boruto and I had started earlier. I was so relieved to not have that hanging over my head any longer, but I knew that the conversation was far from over and, for once, I was completely okay with that. I found myself desiring to tell him more, to finally get all of the fear and doubt out, instead of letting it fester inside of me, as it had the past few years. 

But, for now, there were other matters that needed attending to. Shigeru was upset with me, and had barely spoken to me much at all since we’d left the bar, even more so when I insisted that I chance the trip back to the apartment complex in spite of the threat of a storm looming in the distance, instead of staying in his parents’ home with him. He didn’t have to say it. I could tell by the look in his eyes and the stiffness of his smile as we said our goodbyes standing in the doorway, as he blocked the light from inside before it was able to reach me, leaving me standing in the heaviness of his shadow and disappointment.

It was in times like this that I questioned myself more than ever. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Why couldn’t everything just be good at the same time? While things with Boruto were beginning to feel like they would smooth out, things with Shigeru were beginning to strain. Or had they always been this way? Had I just been deceiving myself? 

Not only had I upset him, I’d probably made a horrible first impression with his parents, who didn’t seem the least bit impressed with me to begin with. What a mess. 

“It looks like it’s going to storm.” My father’s voice beside me was smooth and indifferent. He glanced over at me from where his face had been turned up to the sky. A small droplet of water had landed on his cheek. 

“Mhm.” I hummed, taking a look up at the sky for myself, “It looks like it’s going to be a bad one.” 

He nodded in agreement and we slipped easily back into silence as we continued walking together, but I could tell that there was something hanging in the air between us, still waiting to be said. I felt some sort of vague, yet not at all subtle lecture being puzzled together beside me.

My father was great at many things, but talking to his daughter about how she was late for dinner with her fiancé’s parents because she was drinking in a bar with another man was probably not going to be one of them. I honestly didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry at my current situation. 

He rarely showed emotion. Over the years, I think I’d seen him smile enough times to count on both of my hands, and I’d seen him laugh fewer times than that. Despite the lack of emotional availability or actual presence in my life, for that matter, I do not doubt his love for me, now that is. As a child, there was a time when I wasn’t so sure. 

He wasn’t an overly kind man, but he was a good one, though edged in darkness long before I ever came into the world. Getting to know him had been difficult. There were still so many things I didn’t know, that I still do not know. My mother was so different from him- all sunshine and spring and warmth, standing in stark contrast to the man walking beside me now. I was so like him, my mother said as much, sometimes exasperated, sometimes happy, and sometimes through bubbling laughter. I wondered what it would have been like to see him as he was back then and if, given similar circumstances, I would have walked the same path.

Years traveled down a path of bloodshed and pain had taught him much in his life, and for those dark years he’d been given a clearer lens in which to view others. Though, years raised under the strict views of one of Konoha’s most elite and proud clans had formed in him their hardened ideals of honor and tradition at a young age. 

Despite being rather old fashioned in his ways, he was not a very strict or demanding father, but neither was he openly boastful about his children or their abilities. He preferred to let our abilities do the talking, but he did not withhold praise when he thought it was deserved. 

He seemed resigned to let us forge our own paths, to determine our own fate, perhaps he even thought it was an essential part of life. Not once had he ever pressed us to follow any certain path. He’d never even so much as pointed us in any one direction. 

Though, I suppose there were some things a father just couldn’t let slide so easily. 

I could see his lips barely twitching with the words he was trying to put together and I felt the corners of my own mouth twitch upward as well into a brief, apologetic smile. 

“I know, I know. You don’t have to say it.” I said, heading off the conversation before it even had a chance to begin, “I made a fool of myself.”

His eyes cut over to me and there was a touch of a frown on his lips when he said my name softly, “Sarada....”

I sighed, letting out all of the frustration that had built up during dinner, “I really messed things up with them. They hate me… Even Shigeru...”

His frown deepened and he tilted his head with a low huff, “What I was going to tell you was not worry about what those two think of you.”

I shivered and rubbed at the goose flesh that had come up on my skin. The temperature was beginning to drop and a cool breeze was chilling the air. Barely having even noticed his movements, he had shrugged off his cloak and draped it over my shoulders, all without either of us breaking stride.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, “-For saying that, I mean… and this.” I said, shrugging my shoulders underneath the heavy fabric. 

He gave a brief nod in return, then asked,“Are you alright?”

I shrugged, not quite knowing what to say, because I wasn’t alright, but I was at the same time. So, Instead, I took a page from his book and tossed a question right back at him, “So, what did you think of them?”

He studied me out of the corner of his eye for a second and then his features fell slightly, as close to dramatics as he would get, “Be glad that you were the one who showed up late.” 

I laughed, “Well, I guess I owe you one then.” 

He huffed, then grimaced, “I’m not sure their impression of me is much better. Your mother has always been better with these kinds of things.”

My lips pursed and I shook my head, imagining him awkwardly sitting across the table from them... in silence... for over an hour. I wondered if he was embarrassed when he finally discovered where I’d been and what I’d been doing instead. He didn’t seem upset. Maybe it was my own guilt, but I couldn’t help feeling like I’d let him down somehow.

“I’m sorry if I disappointed you,” I said, my voice sounding abnormally small, even to my own ears. I was looking up at him through my lashes. A sudden gust of wind blew my hair and the edges of the cloak swayed against it. Gathering the material around me, I hugged it to my body.

A strange look crossed my father’s features. It was soft and careful, but measured and though he was frowning, his voice sounded warm, “You could never disappoint me, Sarada. I will love you no matter what. You know that.”

It was unusually sentimental for him to say and somewhat startling. I felt my face heat.

At first, I couldn’t think of anything to say in response. I hugged the cloak even tighter around my shoulder and I bit at my bottom lip. 

He put his arm around me, resting a firm hand on my shoulder, and gave it a light squeeze. It was quick and brief, but it did give me a small bit of comfort.

“You made a mistake. He will forgive you,” He said simply, leaving me to wonder just how he was so certain about that.

I scrunched my nose and averted my eyes, studying the leaves tumbling across the ground in the wind and the clouds swirling violently in the distance. The storm was moving quickly now. It would be here soon.

“Thanks.” I sighed, glancing over at him finally, “I mean it.”

He gave a small smile in return then turned his attention back to the path in front of us, content with the conclusion of the conversation. No lecture for me, afterall. I was relieved to lay my guilt to rest for the moment, but there was something still bothering me that I couldn’t quite get passed. 

“Do you think we’re a good match-Shigeru and me, I mean?” I asked, catching the startled look on his face before he could school his expression into his typical neutrality.

“Ah, Well...That’s not really for me to say.” He answered after a very long moment of silent consideration, brows pinched together in the center in concentration as he thought through his response, “He seems like a good man.”

I nodded. That’s all that people  _ seemed _ to ever say about him, never why or how they came to that conclusion. He certainly did  _ seem _ good...on paper, at least, but after a while it begins to make you wonder if people are just telling you what you want to hear. What happens, though, if what you want to hear has changed? Sometimes seeming good- even being good is just not good enough.

“You can speak freely. You won’t hurt my feelings.” I pressed. 

“Sarada…” He sighed, exasperated by the amount he was having to speak or by the topic of conversation, I wasn’t exactly sure. He shoved his hand in his pants pocket and tilted his head to the side, “He’s...All that concerns me is that he is kind to you and treats you well. It’s up to you to decide whether or not the two of you are a good match.” He hesitated, pursing his lips and then opening them to speak again, “Are you reconsidering the engagement?”

I bit my lip again and ran my fingers through the mess of wind blown hair falling in my face, “I- No, I just wanted to hear your thoughts, I guess.” I tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear and changed the subject quickly, “I-uh, finally told Boruto about the mission in the land of mountains. That’s why I was there with him tonight.” 

At the erratic nature of our conversation, dark eyes stared at me questioningly and met with mine. I tried to smile to reassure him, but it only caused his eyes to narrow further. When I realized my gesture had the opposite effect, I tore my eyes away from his and continued as if I hadn’t noticed, “He was upset, but I think he understood.”

“Hm.” He huffed, keeping his lips pursed into a tight frown. His mind wasn’t really with me anymore, he was far away, thinking about something else.

“What?” I asked, stopping and sidestepping to face him, “You don’t think I should have told him?”

He stopped as well, slightly turning his body toward mind. He took a long look at our surroundings with a vaguely grim expression before looking back at me and speaking, “I think he’s overly obsessed with the past, and that can be dangerous.” 

“You’ve noticed it too, huh?” I shifted on my feet and crossed my arms, “I’ve been worried about him lately. He’s not been himself. I thought it was because I’d kept the truth from him.”

My father’s jaw flexed, then he let out a low sigh and the muscles loosened and relaxed, “His behavior has been erratic recently. He’s becoming more reckless during missions.” 

It was as close to a glimpse of concern for my teammate and his student that he would likely reveal, but if he was commenting about it at all, it showed just how serious the situation was. 

I shook my head, “I just wish I knew what was wrong, maybe I could do something.” 

He studied me for a moment, mismatched eyes ever so slightly softened, “Sometimes there is nothing that  _ you  _ can do. Some journeys are meant to be taken alone.”   


I gave him a small smile as his hand lifted and he pressed two fingers lightly against my forehead, “Just don’t give up on him. He will find his way.”

His hand fell back to his side and I let out a huff and rolled eyes, but my smile still remained. I touched the spot with my fingers briefly then combed them through my hair.

“What about Boruto and me, then?” I asked suddenly, careful to keep my features as neutral and indifferent as possible, despite the suggestive nature of the question.

I wasn’t quite sure where it had come from. Maybe it was because I knew deep down that, out of everyone, he was the least likely to take it as something more than what it was. It was just a question, afterall, and I was only curious. 

A thin, black eyebrow arched at the question, “What about you and him?”

“Would we make a good match, do you think- Boruto and me?” I asked breezily, picking at the cuticle on my thumb before looking over at him expectantly with eyebrows raised. 

He stared at me blankly for a long time, long enough for me to get uncomfortable and break out into an embarrassed laugh just as a way to fill the uncomfortable silence. I turned my face away to hide my warming cheeks, “Ah, Nevermind- Just a silly question.” 

He kept his eyes trained on me and, for a moment, I thought I could see some sort of uncertainty in his eyes. It could have just been my own eyes making the mistake of seeing something that wasn’t there, but just as soon as I thought it was there, it was gone as he let out a huff and turned to continue on down the path. 

It wasn’t his way to press, whether it be because of indifference or carefully observing boundaries, or maybe he just didn’t know what to say. I didn’t blame him. Even if he had pressed, I wasn’t sure what I would say. 

I began walking after him, picking up my pace until I was able to fall in pace with his long strides. I settled into familiar silence, although I couldn’t say it was a comfort right at that moment, but I could pretend that it was. 

“Sarada,” 

I startled out of my thoughts and turned my head to the side slightly to peer up at him. He stopped abruptly, grabbing my elbow gently and pulling me to a stop beside him. His hand found my shoulder again, but it felt heavier this time than it had before. 

“Mhm?” I hummed, interlocking my fingers behind my back, hesitating and then letting my eyes rise to meet his, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation.

“I understand how you must feel, but this is something that Boruto must overcome himself.” I felt a light squeeze on my shoulder before his hand dropped to his side, “You can help him heal, but you can’t do it for him... Do you understand?” 

I felt a pressure beginning to build behind my eyes and I locked my jaw in an attempt to dispel it, but to no avail. Instead, I nodded hastily and gave him my best smile before leaving him standing there as I continued on up the path toward the village.

I could feel him hesitate behind me, but I kept walking until I realized there was a sizable distance between us and he still hadn’t made an attempt to move. I paused and shot a questioning look back over my shoulder. 

He was looking off in the direction of the storm again. A flash of hot light lit up the open field beside us. I could see the spark of it reflecting on his face and in his single coal colored eye. 

“What’s wrong?” I called from where I stood. 

He blinked as if my voice had woken him from a dream and shook his head, “Nothing.” 

As he spoke, a water droplet landed on my cheek and it brought my own eyes up to look into the sky, “We should hurry. The rain is going to begin soon.” I told him as I wiped the dampness away.

He nodded, catching up to me in an instant just as the rain started pouring down from the sky. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Ah, shit....” I whined as I tried to wring out my dress as I stood over the bathtub. My father’s cloak had done little to shield me from the downpour. The dress was ruined, as were the shoes that were currently lying in a pile on the tile floor beside me.   


After squeezing the water from my hair in the same way as I’d done my dress, I draped the dress overtop the open door and leaned over to turn the water on. 

I sat on the edge of the bathtub as the steam surrounded me in hot, puffy clouds. The wet heat blanketed my skin, causing sweat to prickle behind my neck and at my temples. I craned my head back and let my eyes close. 

I thought about everything that had happened and how the day had taken so many unexpected turns. This morning I never would have thought that I would have revealed one of my deepest secrets to someone or for that someone to be Boruto. I felt simultaneously relieved and exhausted by it, but I couldn’t deny the fact that, for the first time in the last few years, I felt excitement instead of regret and worry about our relationship. I finally felt like I was getting my friend back, and that feeling negated everything else that has happened today.

My eyes opened the instant I felt a familiar presence lingering at my door. Somehow it felt like I had silently summoned him there. My hands clenched where they sat on the skin of my thighs. When the knock finally came, for whatever reason, it startled me. I fumbled, suddenly nervous, yet strangely excited. 

I grabbed at the robe hung on the back of the bathroom door hastily, flinging it around my body. The plush, cotton fabric clung uncomfortably to my damp skin, but I was too preoccupied to really mind it. The padding of my bare feet filled the silence as I made my way to the door. A moment of nervous anticipation caused my hand to waver as I reached for the nob. A moment of doubt that I could not understand pulled my fingers closed into a fist. 

Why was I so nervous? I shook my head, scolding myself for being so ridiculous and opened the door a slight crack. I peered through the open space, met first with a black t-shirt, slightly wrinkled, then, as my eyes worked their way up, a lazy, lopsided smile accompanied by glittering pools of ocean blue. 

“Hey.” He leaned against the doorway, shifting his body to reveal the teapot he was cradling  in between the two powder pink hotpads in his hands, “I made too much tea...noticed you were back.” 

A smile twitched at the edges of my mouth as I slid the door closed to unlatch the lock. I opened it and turned, leaving it hanging open behind me in a silent invitation, as I made my way over to the sofa to make a place for us to sit. I heard his footsteps behind me as I picked up a throw pillow and tossed a blanket to the side. I sat with the pillow in my lap, one leg tucked underneath me.

Boruto sat the pot down on the coffee table in front of the sofa, glancing at me through golden lashes before heading into the kitchen in search of some cups. I watched his movements silently from my place on the couch. 

Once acquired, he brought the cups into the living room and poured the steaming liquid into each of them carefully before taking his seat beside me. 

I took a ginger sip, cradling the cup in my hand and said, “I’m surprised.” 

His eyebrow arched in a question as the rim of his cup touched his lips.

“It’s not bad. You’ve gotten better since the last time you made me tea.” I elaborated with a smirk.

He huffed and rolled his eyes, placing his cup back onto the table and leaning back, “A lesson from your father. He’s just as particular when it comes to tea.”

I let out a sigh, looking around the room, “That he is.”

We were silent. I could hear the steady ticking of the clock and the sound of my breathing filling the air around us. A strange feeling that kept me from looking at him filled my stomach.

Hadn’t this been what I wanted? More time to talk with him like this? Yet, I felt clumsy and awkward, too aware of myself in a way that made me question every word and movement. Suddenly, I felt self conscious sitting so casually with him, drinking tea in my living room, wearing my bathrobe. Why did something so normal feel so strangely intimate in this moment? 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” I blurted out, an attempt to combat my anxious thoughts.

He looked at me curiously, then realization dawned on him. His face grew slightly darker with his frown, “No need. How did it go, anyway? Meeting the parents?”

I laughed dryly and shook my head, causing him to exchange his frown for a soft smirk, “I guess we know where he gets it then?”

“Ah, stop it.” I whined, “It was my fault anyway.”

“‘ _ Have you been drinking? _ ’” He mocked, wiggling his shoulders as he spoke, huffing out an annoyed laugh when he had finished his imitation.

I kicked at his leg softly with a bare foot, trying to hold back a laugh, “Stop that! He’s just a bit overly protective.”

“Tch. I wouldn’t exactly call it that.” He spoke, more venom in his voice than I expected, though I supposed I shouldn’t have been surprised.

I leaned forward, eyebrows raised, “What would you call it then?” I challenged.

“Controlling.” He responded too quickly and simply, pointedly meeting my eyes. 

I felt my brows pinch together and my face fall.

My eyes shifted away from his gaze as I took another sip of tea. 

“Sorry,” he sighed, “I didn’t come here to talk about him.” 

“What did you come to talk about then?” I asked blandly, “It wasn’t because you made too much tea.” I motioned toward the pot.

“I need a reason to come talk with you?” He countered innocently.

I shrugged, “You don’t, but you’re the one who brought tea to my door.”

“Hmph.” He breathed through a smile, leaning his back against the couch, “There’s not much I can get past you, is there?”

“There is nothing that you can get past me.” I corrected him, pushing at his knee with my foot again.

He looked over at me curiously, a glint in his eye telling me that my words couldn’t be further from the truth, but gave no inclination of why. I felt self-conscious again. I was missing something. That was achingly clear. 

“Sarada...I need to tell you something.” He said, wringing his hands and avoiding my eyes. 

My stomach flipped in response to his words, though, if asked, I couldn’t really explain why. I stayed silent, watching him steadily, waiting in nervous anticipation for him to continue. 

He placed his hand softly on my ankle, tapping his thumb against the bone absently as he thought. The touch surprised me at first, then embarrassed me when I realized that it was normal and it really shouldn’t affect me. 

The longer the silence between us persisted, the more nervous and embarrassed I felt. After what I’d told him, what could make him hesitate like This? 

“What is it?” I promoted, shaking the foot that his hand was resting on lightly. 

He laughed nervously, causing me to frown. 

“What?” I asked again, this time with a bit of a nervous laugh, “You’re making me nervous.”

“I-“ he began, then his eyes shifted past me, narrowed, with his mouth slightly parted from his unfinished sentence. 

I followed his eyes and jumped up instantly when I saw what had caught his attention. 

“There’s water all over your floor.” He stated, but it sounded more like a question, just as my mind had come to the same realization. 

This realization was that, in my rush to answer the door, I’d left the bath water running. Currently, it was overflowing, collecting in a huge puddle outside the bathroom door.

An uncharacteristic screech came out of my mouth, making Boruto jump up right behind me as I raced toward the bathroom and ripped open the door to see the liquid water falling from the rim of the tub. 

My feet splashed messily through the water as I waded across the floor to get to the faucet and turn it off. 

I looked around at my surroundings with dread and and overwhelming amount of annoyance and, because I just didn’t know what else to do, I stomped my foot, making an even larger splash, and growled through my teeth, “Damn it!!”

After everything, I had this to deal with this now as well? 

As I looked at the water, seething in anger, I heard muffled laughter behind me. I turned, ready to strangle him for having the audacity to actually laugh at my current situation. 

“WHAT is so funny?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. 

His laughter continued, though he had the decency to try to contain it with his hand. His shoulders shook violently, while his eyes creased into cute little crescent shapes. 

The pressure in my clenched jaw loosened, I could feel the ghost of a smile trying to work it’s way out, but I locked my frown in place defiantly.

“Well, you’re helping me clean this up! So, I wouldn't be laughing. It’s your fault it happened anyway!” I shot out, uncaring of how irritated I sounded. 

It wasn’t his fault but, for now, I was going to blame him. He’d been the one to distract me anyway with his unexpected ‘let’s have tea and chat shit.’ 

More laughter exploded, this time he didn’t even attempt to stifle it. It wasn’t until I looked at him that I realized I might have relayed my thoughts out loud. 

I rolled my eyes, too annoyed to be embarrassed at this point. 

“You sound like an idiot, carrying on like that.” I spat at him, though I couldn’t get it to come out without breaking down into the smallest of smiles.

“Oh, shit.” He said through laughter, tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as cute in my entire life.”

I flushed, stuttering stupidly, “Sh-shut up! It’s not cute! I’m not being cute! I’m pissed off!”

“Hmm.” He hummed, eyes dancing with amusement as he looked at me, but amusement wasn’t all that I saw there.  


I couldn’t tell exactly what I was seeing. It was something familiar, yet I’d never seen it like this before.   


For a moment, I just stared back at him, taking in the beautiful way he’d let his face soften as he looked at me.  My heart actually fluttered, in spite of all of the anger and annoyance that I still felt bubbling inside of me.

It was strange, but somehow, now I knew. I had the answer for the question I’d asked earlier and it was looking me right in the face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! It’s been awhile. Glad to be back. So so so sorry for the long wait. I actually had half this chapter written a while ago, I just never had the time to finish it. :( 
> 
> How is everyone? I hope you’re doing well. I’ve missed this story so much and getting to see your comments and responses.
> 
> Kind of a random question for you - what is your opinion on fanfics written about real people? Personally, I generally read and write fanfics about made-up characters, but I’m curious about your take on this, because I was recently inspired to write one, but I just wasn’t super sure about it.


	9. Moving Forward - Uzumaki Boruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.” – Jack Kornfield

There was a picture of team 7 as kids that I always carried around with me. It traveled with me on every mission, fought with me during every battle, and kept me company during the time I spent alone. Often there were mornings when I would pull it from its hiding spot in my wallet and study the image carefully through the creases and stains of time. It was a comfort, something tangible from the past that I could really put my hands on and hold on to. People said I was obsessed with the past, and that was probably true, but I think maybe the truth of it was in the constant uncertainty I felt when I thought of the future. I was scared of change, of losing anymore than I had already lost in these last few years. So, I dug my heels in, tried hard to fight it, but time was not an opponent that could be defeated. It was hard to admit, but maybe that’s where my healing needed to begin. Letting go, moving on, it was so easy to think about those things, say that I was going to do them and really try, but it’s not something that’s at all easy to actually accomplish. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sarada’s voice cut through the fogginess in my head. 

She had her hand on her hip with a basket full of damp towels balanced on the other. She sat the basket down on the floor and brushed the hair out of her face before walking over to where I stood. She took the mop from my hand and sat it up against the wall beside us. 

“Ahhh...Just life, I guess. The past.” I sighed with a shrug, “-Wondering about the future.”

She cocked her head to the side, considering me for a moment, “I’ve been thinking about the future a lot lately too.” 

I took the bucket of water I had in my other hand and leaned it over the tub to pour it out and then sat the empty bucket on the floor. With another sigh, I sat down on the edge of the tub, rubbed my eyes and shook out my hair. 

“What about the future?” I asked, genuinely curious. It was odd, but we’d never really talked of the future often. Like most of my thoughts, our conversations always seemed to be centered around the past. 

“Hmm.” she hummed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, “I suppose, I’m just wondering what life will look like. Will I be proud of all of the decisions I’ve made up until now? Will I regret anything? Those types of things.” Her eyes fell on me and then she smiled softly, “What about you?”

“Sort of the same thing, I guess. I’ve been thinking about change a lot and what that means. I’ve been thinking about the future now and the direction that my life is going and I don’t believe it’s the direction I want to go in anymore. Up until now, I’ve just kind of been falling through life, trying to avoid any one path, not realizing that that is unavoidable and stupid. I want to actually have a say in what my future looks like. It’s like you said, I want to look back and be proud and have no regrets.” 

“I’m impressed,” Sarada’s voice was soft. She had moved to lean against the counter and had her arms folded over her chest, “It seems like you’ve changed so much in only a few short hours. I’m happy that you're looking to the future now. Really.” Her eyes were just as soft as her voice had been. A small smile lingered on her lips as she looked at me thoughtfully. 

I huffed, “I had a lot of time to think after you left, and I kept thinking about how much of a mess I’d made of things by being so concerned with holding on to the past. I don’t want to live my life always looking behind me anymore. After we talked, I felt so relieved, but a bit convicted at the same time. When I got back, for a while, all I could think about was how angry and upset I was for not being there for you when you needed me and how awful I’ve been acting since then.” I shook my head, “Then, I don’t know, it just hit me that all this time I’ve just stood by and let my past hold me captive with guilt and anger and disappointment in myself. I told you that I wanted to be better, and I meant that.”

“Wow.” Her eyes were wide with surprise, “I’m surprised, but I’m-” she let out a small huff as she smiled and lifted her hand to her lips, “I’m so happy to hear you say that and...I’m proud of you, Boruto.” 

I smirked and looked away, slightly embarrassed by my confession and her words, “Well, it’s because of you Sarada...That, and Shikadai kind of let me have it before we ran into each other at the bar.” I rolled my eyes at the memory and she laughed. 

“Yeah, that sounds like him.” She chuckled as she stood and took a couple of steps before coming to a stop in front of me and holding out her hand. 

I looked at her hand and then up at her with uncertainty. She shook her hand, emphasizing its presence and I took it in mine, then she lifted me easily onto my feet in front of her. 

“Really, Boruto, I’m really very happy for you and proud to have you as my friend.” Sarada stared up at me, gaze steady and confident, but soft and warm at the same time. 

Then, she did something that I never expected. Her arms wrapped around my waist and she pulled me close to her into a hug. I felt my heart hammering against my chest loudly and I was certain that she could hear the sound of it echoing off of the walls of the bathroom. I pulled her closer to me, lying my cheek on top of her head. I took a deep breath and exhaled quietly against her hair. 

I never realized just how much I needed this from her, until I felt her arms around me and the warmth radiating from her body. Her ability to comfort me was unparalleled. I wanted to do anything that I could to hold on to that. I would change just to keep hearing her say those words to me and to keep her in my arms. 

Too soon, and the moment was over. She pulled away, a smile still on her face, and turned to collect the laundry basket that she’d left on the floor. 

I followed, taking it out of her hands, “I’ll take care of these tomorrow. It was my fault for distracting you anyway.” 

Sarada laughed, “Fine, take them. I won’t argue with you.” She took a look in the direction of the bathroom and gave a nod of approval, “and with that, we’re done. 

“Good.” I let out a loud sigh mixed with a yawn and leaned up against the wall, “It’s pretty late now. We should get some rest. Tomorrow morning will come quickly.”

Sarada nodded and rubbed her eyes, further smudging the makeup there and groaned when she pulled her hands away and realized it, “Ugh! I need to get this off of my face before anything else. I swear, I’m never wearing makeup again. It’s such a hassle.” she complained. 

“Well, I stand by what I said. You look beautiful no matter what.” I gave her a small smile that she returned with a curious expression.

“There you go again.” she rolled her eyes playfully, “I told you that won’t work on me.” 

I smirked, “And I told you that I would just keep trying.”

Our eyes locked and I thought for a second that I saw a hint of color in her cheeks, and just the possibility of it made me feel like maybe I could actually say what I’d come here to say in the first place. My mouth parted, the words lingering on the tip of my tongue as we looked at each other. 

“What?” She breathed, “You look like you want to say something.”

My mouth shut and suddenly I was afraid. I did want to tell her something, but all of the sudden, my words from before felt hollow inside of my chest. The words that were just on the tip of my tongue a moment before, felt like a jumbled mess in the back of my throat. 

“Ah..No. I should really get going. I’ll leave you to it.” I told her, balancing the basket on my hip and heading toward the door. 

I could hear her steps following mine. We met at the door, but her hand found the nob first. 

“Hey, thank you for stopping by and for helping me out with the mess.” She said, forcing me to look at her.  
Her eyes were still curious, searching. 

I nodded, “No problem. Anytime.”

A quiet moment passed between us before she spoke up again, “I really meant what I said, Boruto. I’m really proud of you and if I can be of some help as you try to figure out what path you’d like to go down, I would really like to.” 

Unable to stop myself, my hand lifted to tuck a dark piece of hair behind her ear, “Thank you for everything.”

She smiled, although her eyebrows were pinched in the center, “Of course. That’s what friends do.”

****

Standing outside the door, with the words I had been so ready to finally say having crawled back into the darkness, nowhere to be found, I couldn’t help but feel a little hopeless. The moment had passed and I had done little to fight it. The nagging feeling was back, telling me that it was best not to change things, best to just leave them as they were, but I was so tired of living in the past, and what I had told her was the truth. I wanted to look forward, maybe now more than ever….but was this the way? I still wasn’t sure. I wanted it though. I wanted her. I wanted her so badly that it hurt. So, when I finally left and her door closed behind me, I felt the weight of my unsaid words fall heavier on me than they ever had and they kept me frozen, standing in place just outside of her door. I knew that she could sense me lingering there, because I could feel her presence still just behind the door where she’d left me. Waiting, but neither of us knowing what for.  
All that I knew for sure, was that I was done waiting on the right time. I was done being afraid of what this would do to us. I was done worrying that she was going to be taken away from me. I was done pinning after my best friend. I was done being stuck in the past. No more. Guilt. Anger. Fear. It wasn’t going to decide the direction my life took anymore. The only direction I would be going from now on was forward. Except for this one last time, that is.  
The basket dropped from my hands and as I turned on my heels, the door opened. It felt like slow motion. Her dark eyes were wide and questioning, still slightly ringed with the eyeliner that the rain had tried to wash away. Her lips were slightly parted, probably preparing to ask me what I was doing and why I was acting so weird, but all I was really thinking about was how those lips might feel against mine, and then suddenly they were. They were soft, perfect, just as I’d always expected them to be. They moved with mine easily, naturally like we’d done this a million times before, but the overwhelming newness of it still jarred my senses. I took a few shaky steps forward back into the doorway, pressing into her as I kicked the door closed behind us with my heel. I could feel her body trembling against the hand I had placed on her waist. I lifted it slowly up her side, uncaring that my own hand was trembling as I did it, and revelled in the way that her body responded to my touch. We knocked into her furniture clumsily as we moved further inside the apartment, holding on to each other tightly for support, not at all the picture of the skilled, practiced ninja that we were outside of these walls, and it felt good for once. As her back hit the door to her bedroom, the kiss deepened. Heat exploded as my lips moved urgently from the fullness of hers, to her jaw and then to her neck, as I trailed kisses down and then back up her reddening skin. My hands lifted, snaking in her damp hair, as I worked my way back to her lips earnestly. For a moment, I stopped, lips hovering just above hers, our hot breath mixed as our breathing came out in heavy pants. My eyes found hers, hooded, dilated, and blazing red. In the heat of it, she had shifted to her sharingan without me realizing. I couldn’t explain it, but somehow it suited the moment perfectly. I trembled again, clenching my hands in her hair and causing her to gasp into my mouth as I covered her lips with another kiss.  
It was surprising to see her following my lead so easily, when it was so in her nature to demand control in every situation. We were similar in that way. I wondered idly if it was because she could feel the desperation in my kisses, each kiss only fueling the need for more. More. More. 

“Ow...You.. bit me.” she panted, pulling away and studying me with blazing eyes. The same eyes... and the same look I’d seen so many times before, but surprising in this situation. She wasn’t angry. I could tell that much. It was something else, focus...calculation..adrenaline. I wasn’t sure, but it made my heart pick up pace. 

I gulped heavily, “Sorry. I- got carried away.” I said in an almost inaudible whisper, bringing a hand to her cheek to wipe the bead of blood off of her swollen lip with my thumb. 

A frown darkened her features as she pulled away from my touch, “What the hell was that, anyway?”

I let both of my hands rest on her shoulders and then fall to my sides and shook my head with a sigh, “I don’t know. I- don’t know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

I took a step back, feeling overwhelmingly ashamed and embarrassed of my actions and slightly rejected, but a firm hand holding on to the fabric of my shirt stopped me. 

“Do it again.” she said, in a tone that was unmistakably commanding and authoritative, as if she were a captain giving orders to a rookie.

My mouth fell open. I was at a loss for words. For a second, I wasn’t sure that I heard her right. Her crimson eyes bore into mine, unwavering and slightly challenging in a way. 

“Well?” she asked, pulling me easily forward until her clenched fist was sandwiched in between our bodies, “This is what you came for all along, isn’t it?” 

My jaw clenched. There it was. She hadn’t actually let her guard down for a second. She let me have my moment of control, now she was taking it back. As odd as it might sound, I couldn’t help but feel slightly more turned on by the knowledge of that. Sarada would be Sarada no matter what, but I had a reputation to uphold as well. We both wanted control, as was the dynamic of our relationship, and although she might hold some authority over me because of her position, this scenario was all too familiar to me. Even like this, nothing seemed to change between us. I stared down at her, meeting her expression easily with hooded eyes, all shame and embarrassment from just moments before seemingly evaporated into thin air.

“Do you talk to all of the men that you’re with this way? Or did you reserve this just for me?” I smirked, but her expression didn’t falter. 

She tilted her head, tomoe shifting and spinning, before leaning up to whisper in my ear, “Kiss me before I come to my senses and leave you on your ass in the hallway.”

I leaned forward, pushing her back up against the door and placing my hands on either side of her head. I could feel the skin of her ear against my lips as I whispered back, “Everything doesn’t have to be a battle, Sarada. Didn’t it feel nice….not being the one in control for just a moment?” 

She sighed as she brushed her lips against my neck agonizingly slow before stopping just at the base of my ear and kissing her way down the line of my jaw. I shut my eyes and let my head tilt to the side, my breath catching in my throat. Gently, she guided my head further to the side with her thumb hooked underneath my chin and began working her way down my neck until she reached the base of my shirt. Suddenly she stopped and I opened my eyes to look at her. Her hair was falling in her face as she peered back at me. 

She lifted herself up on to her tiptoes, letting her lips hover just above mine. I could feel her breath as she spoke, “You tell me.” 

The breath I’d been holding came out in a laugh. The corners of Sarada’s mouth curved up into a grin. I let my hands drop from the wall to cup her face. I studied it like I had never seen it before, her cheeks were flushed and her hair fell in long strands over her forehead. She was beautiful. I ran the pad of my thumb over her lips before placing mine against them gently for only a moment and then pulling away. 

“Sarada...I know you’re smart enough to realize...What I must be thinking.” I whispered, searching her eyes. 

She didn’t say anything at first, but I knew that she understood me. She blinked slowly and turned her face away, falling back onto the door and making it knock against the doorframe loudly. I let my hands back down to my sides, “Yes.” She responded, too measured for my liking. 

“Then...What now? We can’t- we can’t go back from this.” I urged. 

She huffed, wrapping her arms around herself, still keeping her eyes away from me, “I know.” 

My hand lifted to her chin. I let my fingers linger on her skin before I gently pushed her face to the side so that she would look at me. Her sharingan was gone, eyes the color of coal turned glassy stared back at me. With the adrenaline having passed, and a new sense of clarity looming over the both of us, I knew that she must be warring with herself on the inside, and she must be hurting terribly. I didn’t want her to be in pain. That’s the last thing that I wanted. It’s true that I never cared for Shigeru and I never quite understood the relationship between them, but it was much more than that. Much was riding on their marriage, namely an alliance between our villages. We were here, training this village’s military because of him, afterall. The end of their relationship really wouldn’t affect me apart from the obvious, but, as the hokage’s successor, all eyes would be on her and the end of their relationship would no doubt create a few waves. How would Ihaigakure react? Shigeru’s clan was highly respected in this village. Would they take this as a slap in the face, lose respect for Konoha and pull out of the alliance? If it had been two normal civilians, none of this would really matter much, but Sarada wasn’t a civilian, she wasn’t even a regular shinobi, she was the future Hokage, a position that not only relied on power, but on trust as well. If people felt like they weren’t able to trust you, then the ability to lead them becomes compromised. Maybe I was just assuming the worst, but It was a possibility and I could see the same thoughts going through her mind as clearly as day in the look on her face. 

“I wish I could have just been honest with you from the beginning.” I told her. 

She nodded, “Yes, but-” she sighed heavily, leaning into my palm, “It seems that the timing would never have worked...up until now. I think there were many things that we needed to realize on our own, naturally before we were able to get to this point.”

I nodded, “Maybe..but I never wanted you to be in pain, but that’s all I ever seem to do. I never meant to make such a mess of things. All of my actions have been selfish up until now. Even this was selfish of me. I acted without even thinking of the consequences and I hate to think about what you’ll have to face because of me.”

I bowed my head, placing my forehead on hers and closing my eyes. It was just like before, and realizing that, it made my heart ache. A mess I created, by my careless, reckless actions, left for Sarada to clean up but, at least this time, I could be there with her to ease the burden a little. 

She laughed dryly, and pulled away slightly, eyes still closed and brows creasing as she spoke, “Ah,well...After all these years, I’m a master at cleaning up your messes...and, anyway, this is my mess as well.”

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’m going to be okay.” She said slowly, not as if she really meant it, but as if she were testing out the words for herself. Her brow creased further in the center as she thought.

“And...Shigeru?” I asked, the name stinging my throat as it came out. 

Sarada leaned her head back, hitting the wood hard, then again. I pulled her head forward, willing her to look at me. When she did, and our eyes met, there were traces of tears in hers, “Don’t.” I whispered.

“I care about him.” She answered, “but...You were right before, Boruto. I don’t love him. I’m just-” she shook her head, “He’s a good man, and the truth is, I’m ashamed of how I’ve treated him, but now...I guess I understand why. Maybe, I knew all along- about your feelings for me, and maybe I felt the same, it just took me a while to realize it. Maybe that was the problem between Shigeru and I all along.” 

I gulped and tucked the loose hair falling in her face behind her ear, “Stop that. It’s not your fault.” 

“Regardless...since there’s no going back now, tomorrow I will go to Shigeru and tell him the truth, from there I will call a meeting with Shikamaru and my father. I guess...the fate of our mission depends on how strongly Shigeru and the council takes the news. That is the plan, and all we can do is respond as the situation unfolds. We can only go forward from here.” She said evenly, looking me straight in my eyes. 

I nodded, “I’ll be behind you with every step, no matter what happens.” 

Her lips turned up into a half smile, “I’m counting on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all see this coming? haha I was kind of hoping for it to be a surprise. This is not the end, there is still a lot left to the story and a lot still left to hash out between Boruto and Sarada. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone liked this chapter. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Also, as for my question I asked last week, I'm thinking of beginning a new story, but because I've been pretty sporadic on updating this one I've decided not to really work on it until this story is finished.


	10. Burning Bridges - Uchiha Sarada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.”  
> – Fridtjof Nansen

Morning had come quickly, just as Boruto had said it would. It didn’t help that I hadn’t been able to sleep at all. I’d spent the night pacing the floors of my bedroom. I couldn’t get myself settled between the lingering thought of Boruto’s lips against mine and the thoughts of what was to come once the sun rose. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the look on his face, the way that he had touched me, the taste of him out of my head. I hadn’t wanted him to stop either, that’s what worried me the most, I think. And the guilt, it only made me feel more guilty, because I didn’t feel bad about what I’d done. I felt bad about the situation it had put me- all of us in. It was selfish. I knew that, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel the guilt that I knew that I should feel for betraying a person that I was supposed to have loved. I felt awful, sure, but not guilty. How could I, when I finally felt like I had made a decision for myself, a decision that I finally felt was right? Despite that, we were still faced with the mess that this decision had created, and I feared that it would only get messier from here. I prayed that it wouldn’t, but we needed to be prepared for the worst. 

It was here now, and I felt no more at peace with it than I had last night. I was sitting on the edge of my bed wearing the clothes that I had put on hours before as I waited for the sun to arrive, but now, I felt like I was weighed down to the bed. I flopped back onto the comforter and stared up at the blank ceiling above me. The truth was, I was afraid, afraid of how people would perceive me, of how my father, Shikamaru, Naruto, my mother or our friends, Ihaigakure, and Shigeru might react, but mostly it was the reality of it, what was at stake if this whole thing, whatever it was, didn’t work out between Boruto and I. Thinking back to last night, we hadn’t really discussed much about what it actually was that between us. I’d assumed that the kiss had been explanation enough, but now, without his kiss to distract me and his hands no longer roaming all over my body, I wasn’t sure. He’d spoken of change, wanting no regrets, and I could feel the raw desperation in his kisses, but that was just it...Desperate people sometimes acted irrationally. Even my father had mentioned as much just moments before Boruto had come to my room with the excuse of having tea with me. A drowning man would always take you down with him. I wondered if I was just collateral in his struggle to find himself as he fought to stay afloat. He was my friend above all things, and I couldn’t believe that he would do something so cold to me, not intentionally anyway, but even if it was unintentional, the damage would be done. How could we come back from something like that, especially when I now knew the depth of my own feelings for him. Boruto was intelligent and thoughtful, but he had always been spontaneous, led by his heart more than logic or methodical decision making. That’s what made us so compatible as teammates. I was able to channel his intuition- the feelings in his heart into a workable plan, but as his romantic partner I wasn’t sure that it would work the same way. I suppose it was trust in him that I was lacking. We’d been friends for over 10 years and he’d proven himself trustworthy in battle more times than I could even recall, and I knew that the feelings were mutual, but this wasn’t battle. No- it was quite the opposite. There was no doubt in my mind that he cared for me, that much I could admit, but we both knew all too well that sometimes caring for someone, even loving them, wasn’t always enough to keep you from hurting them or them from hurting you. Maybe that’s what it was...Maybe I was afraid of really opening myself up, only to be hurt or broken by him in the end, the person that I’d trusted in the most and for the longest? That’s what love was though, right? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, while knowing full well that it could result in pain and hurt.   
We’d been trained our whole lives as shinobi to never let our guards down, and most of us were masters at it at this age. What was required of me now, went completely against everything that I had ever been taught. With Shigeru it would have been easy. He had never seen past the surface, and so there was not much risk in being with him, and he seemed content with that. Boruto, on the other hand, had seen much more than I cared to admit already, and it scared me that he was able to break through the surface so easily. To go even further with him- it was terrifying.   
So, here I was, with my path split in two different directions. Going down one meant accepting a convenient relationship and a peaceful alliance that would benefit both villages and the people in it, and the other led to what? Love? Possibly, but it could also mean the end of a politically and economically beneficial alliance and, at the worst, could cause resentment and bad blood between our villages. The logical decision was obvious: stick with the original plan, swallow these new found feelings for Boruto, and perform your duty as the future hokage. So, why were the words I had planned to say to Shigeru still running through my head? Why was I still lying here entertaining the thought of beginning a potentially ill-fated relationship with a man who was probably not in the right-headspace to even be considering a relationship at the moment. It had been, what? A week since he had broken things off with the woman he’d been with for the past year? Obviously he was, and still is, under a great amount of emotional distress. It was just all happening too quickly. Could I really trust that his decision to cross that line with me was not some spontaneous whim that he’d acted on just because of our existing relationship, that his feelings for me weren’t just amplified or romanticized in some way as he grasped at anything to keep himself afloat? Was it just another desperate attempt to hold onto the past?   
I wanted to trust him. I wanted to believe that his intentions were true and there was more behind it than just that, but I felt so much doubt around the whole situation. What would happen then, if I ended my engagement and disregarded my responsibilities for what I thought was love, only for my relationship with Boruto to end with one or both of our hearts broken and the complete destruction of the friendship that we once had because he- no, the both of us made a spur of the moment decision? How could people trust me after this? It wasn’t just the trust of the people of Konoha and Ihaigakure that I was fearful of losing. I had given my word to people, to Naruto, to my father, to both the Konoha council and the Ihaigakure council, to Shigeru. Not only was the trust in me as a person being compromised, but people’s ability to trust me as a leader and decision maker was being threatened as well. The credibility that I had spent over 10 years building up could be ruined literally overnight, because of a single (or multiple, rather) kiss. 

I could feel the panic beginning to make my chest heavy. Could this ruin my whole career? Could this destroy my goal, my dream? Or was I being selfish for even considering it a choice? Would I choose ambition over love? I thought of my father and what that choice had done to him and then his brother, my uncle, who was faced with the same choice. Ambition had distorted and nearly killed my father, while love had tortured and eventually killed my uncle. How was I to choose, then? 

A knock at the door of my apartment stirred me from my thoughts, but I didn’t make a single move to open it. I kept my eyes up, blurred in white. I’m not sure how much time passed between the knock and the sound of my bedroom door creaking open. I didn’t look, but I didn’t need to. I could sense Boruto’s presence in the doorway as he watched me. Silently, he made his way over to me, but I still couldn’t bring myself to move. I could see him staring down at me from the corners of my uplifted eyes. For a while, we just stayed like that. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. It came out muffled, like he was a thousand miles away. 

Inside, I could feel myself answering yes out of habit, but my lips did not actually move to form the words. Boruto dropped down to his knees beside the bed, his hand hovering over my abdomen, the blueness of his chakra coloring the edges of my vision. 

“Sarada...I’ve never seen your chakra behave so erratically before. Are you okay….Say something!” His voice, still muffled, sounded panicked.

As the blue light faded away, the white above me was replaced with the picture of his face hovering over me. I could feel his fingers gripping my shoulders gently as he lifted me into a sitting position and then situated himself so that he was standing in front of me at the edge of the bed in between my knees. His hands moved up from my shoulders until they were cradling my face and coaxing me to tilt my chin and turn my eyes upward. 

“Can you follow my breathing?” He questioned gently, though I did not or could not respond. He continued, his eyes growing liquidy soft, “Watch me. Follow my breaths. In. out.” Then a pause. “In. Out.” Pause. “In. Out.” Another pause. 

We continued on that way, until he was satisfied and then once more he asked, “Are you okay?” 

And I’m not sure why, but something inside me shattered and I gasped as heavy tears began falling from my eyes. I cried so hard that I began gasping for air, causing my breathing to grow even more erratic than before. I couldn’t catch my breath. It felt like I was drowning. 

“I c-can’t...Brr...eathe!” I managed to choke out in between sobs. 

Boruto fell to his knees in front of me. I tried to shake his hands away from my face, and he let them fall without any resistance and let them, instead, rest on the tops of my knees.

“Sarada...Sarada.” He called softly, “Close your eyes. Breath. Just breath. Try to focus on each breath as it comes in and goes out.”   
A strangled cry escaped my lips as I tried to nod to let him know that I understood. I shut my eyes and began to concentrate solely on my breathing as he had instructed me. One breath in. One breath out. One breath in. One breath out. 

“That’s great. You’re doing so well.” He soothed, “Just keep breathing. It’s almost over.”

I nodded, movements jerky and strained as I continued to cry. His hands moved to hold onto mine. I could feel the pressure of my own grip as I held him, but he didn’t try to pull away from me. He let me hold on to him while I worked to regulate my breaths, as I focused on his voice and his quiet words of encouragement. 

Eventually my breathing went back to normal, although tears were still falling. One of Boruto’s hands slipped out of mine. Using his thumb, he wiped away the dampness on my cheeks. I leaned into his touch and he opened his hand to cradle the side of my face in his palm. Finally, I was calm enough to open my eyes and speak. I stared at him and was shocked to realize that there were tears in his eyes and damp trails down his cheeks as well. His jaw was clenched, lips pressed together and turning pale, as if he were trying to hold back his emotions, although his eyes had already betrayed him. 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized weakly, my voice strained from the tears. 

“No, I’m sorry.” He returned, shaking his head.

As I looked at his face, the tears still falling, and the pain filling those blue eyes, I felt guilty for ever doubting him. Behind the pain I could see the truth, it was love that lingered there. Yet, the question came out anyway. I needed him to say it out loud. I needed to hear it with my own ears. Only then, could I have the resolve to go through with it. 

“Boruto, do you love me?”

His brow creased as he studied me silently. Then, his other hand lifted to hold my face. He stared at me a long time, eyes darting across my features. 

“Sarada, I love you. I’ve never been more sure of anything else.”

A sigh of relief that sounded more like a sob escaped my throat and I fell forward into his lap, suddenly exhausted. We wrapped our arms around each other and he held onto me tightly as my body moved with fresh sobs. Even after my tears had dried, we held onto each other until the sun had moved enough to cast a different set of shadows on the walls. 

****  
The walk to Shigeru’s family home was lonely and painfully short . Although Boruto had wanted to walk with me there, I had urged him to stay behind. This was something that I needed to do on my own. Outwardly I was calm, but inside I still couldn’t shake the panic that I was feeling. I’d lost count of the number of times I had rehearsed the words in my head, but even still they were trying their best to escape me. 

I crossed my arms behind my back, holding my hands together firmly to keep them from shaking as I approached the door. I stopped and stared at the wood grain in front of me, then clenching one fist by my side and, lifting the other, I knocked loudly three times and then placed my hands back together behind my back. A few quick moments passed before the door opened, revealing Shigeru’s tall, severely stern looking mother in the open space. 

She scowled as she looked at me and then crossed her arms over her chest, “It’s a little early for a visit isn’t it?” 

“Right. So sorry.” I apologized, “um…I would like to speak to Shigeru, if that’s alright.” 

She shrugged and without another word, turned to walk back inside of the house, leaving the door hanging open behind her for me to enter. I slipped through and slid it closed behind me, spotting Shigeru and his father sitting at the table speaking to each other. When Shigeru glanced up and saw me, he smiled and rose from the table, the disappointment and irritation from the night before seemingly forgotten. 

“Sarada, good morning. I wasn’t expecting you so soon. We were just about to have tea.” He greeted, walking over to me then guiding me toward the table with this hand at the small of my back.

“Good morning.” I managed to respond through my racing thoughts.

The weight of his hand felt foreign and heavy against my body now. Casually, I side-stepped out of his grasp and found an empty seat at the table next to him and sat down quickly. His brow furrowed for half a second and then smoothed as he sat back down in his own chair. I glanced over at his father, who had not even acknowledged my arrival. He was looking at his son, his eyes lingered on him for a long moment and then dropped back down to the newspaper he had spread out in between his hands on the table.

“Good morning, sir.” I greeted, but only received a lazy glance in my direction before he went back to what he was reading.

Shigeru offered me an apologetic smile, and I gave him one back because I didn’t really know what else to do. It didn’t really matter much what either of his parents thought of me right now anyway, because in a few minutes they would without a doubt hate me.

“Would you like some? I know you prefer black, but it’s very good.” He offered as he poured his own cup to the brim.

The steam danced upward, slightly veiling his pointed features. I nodded. I needed something to do with my hands anyway, something to settle the nerves churning in my stomach that were making me wring my hands in my lap underneath the table. Wordlessly, he sat a cup down in front of me and began pouring it full. I could feel the heat of the steam against my face as it rose. I blew it away softly, then picked the glass up and took an experimental sip. Green Tea. My least favorite. Maybe it was some sort of sign, or maybe it was just my mind trying to its best to find justification anywhere that it could.

I sat my cup down and watched as Shigeru nursed his own, blowing and sipping it and repeating the process over and over again until he was satisfied. When he sat his cup back down, I shifted in my seat and cleared my throat. His eyes fell on me instantly, curiously. I realized it was because I'd never really asked for his attention before, up until now. My mouth curled up into a scowl at the sudden and unwarranted realization. His expression changed again at the sight of my frown. 

He leaned forward, tilting his head, “Are you alright?” He asked.

How many times had I been asked that in the past 24 hours? I’d lost count by now. The short answer was no. I wasn’t alright. I’d spent the whole night worrying, only to work myself into a panicked state as soon as the sun had come up. Less than an hour ago, I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to properly stand on my own two feet, let alone walk here alone and say the words that I needed to say. I was not alright, but I could pretend to be in front of him, because it was easy and familiar.

“I’m fine,” I replied, schooling my expression. I would make sure to pay extra attention to that for the remainder of my visit, “I actually came to discuss something with you.”

His head cocked to the side as he studied me thoughtfully. He lifted his cup up to his lips once more, blew the steam away and then took a sip, “Okay.”

I nodded and shifted my eyes away from him to take another sip of the unsatisfying tea, just to busy myself, “Do you mind if we take a walk?”

****

In the end, those words that I had rehearsed over and over again in my head were useless. Shigeru was characteristically calm as I told him that I wanted to break off our engagement. In fact, he reacted as if I were just reading off the contents of a grocery list to him. He didn’t ask questions and he didn’t ask me to reconsider. He simply nodded his head when I had finally finished, and although I hadn’t specifically named Boruto in my explanation, as he turned away he said, “You and Boruto deserve each other.” leaving me standing alone on the dirt pathway, watching his back disappear as he reentered his home, wondering just what exactly he meant by that.

I summoned Isao, one of my crows, and sent him after my father and Shikamaru. Once he’d left with my message, I walked along the path to the training grounds where the meeting would take place. Absently, I picked at the hem of my shirt as I walked. After having the conversation with Shigeru, I was having a hard time deciding if this conversation would be easier or harder. I didn’t believe that I would have much trouble with it on a personal level, but on the political side of it, I’m sure Shikamaru would have much to say. Of course, he would be the one to ask all of the necessary questions and pick out any potential issues. As the advisor to the Hokage, it was his job. We needed that, It wouldn’t be anything personal. 

Once at the training grounds, I found a place to sit under the shade of a tree. I leaned my back up against the scratchy bark and shut my eyes. I was tired, but I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon. I wondered why that was. Why was it that when you seemed need sleep the most, it was nowhere to be found? At the least, it could give me a much needed break from all of these thoughts pounding in my head. What I needed to have more than anything, though, was a clear head. That’s what I hated the most about this whole situation, the emotional aspect of it. It clouded everything, made me second guess my every move and decision, but as time passed I was beginning to realize more and more that many of the decisions I would be making as Hokage would be just that, and that scared me. I thought I was prepared. I’d had to make difficult decisions many times in my career as a ninja, but choosing myself had never really been an option before, and even in this situation, it didn’t really feel like I had a right to. It was trained into us at a young age to put the village first. When I took that oath, that was the deal. So, how could I justify this, choosing my own feelings over something that could benefit the village? I couldn’t and that was the problem.   
I wasn’t really sure how I was going to answer Shikamaru’s question without revealing the whole truth behind it either, and I wasn’t ready to face them with that just yet. Boruto and I had agreed to not openly pursue a relationship until the issues surrounding my broken engagement were cleared up. It was easier that way. There were too many emotions as it was. People didn’t need to know the details, it would only make things more difficult. In the beginning, he had argued that we shouldn’t conceal the truth from people and I had agreed, but I had argued that the why didn’t really change the situation, and that we had plenty of time to focus on our relationship after all of this was over. 

“Sarada.” The sound of my father’s voice opened my eyes. Shikamaru was standing beside him looking at me lazily with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

I hadn’t even sensed them walk up, that’s how dangerously distracted I was. With a sigh, I stood up but kept my back leaned against the bark of the tree. 

“Thanks for coming,” I began, “I guess I should just get right to it.”

I didn’t know where to look, so I chose to look past the both of them at the cloud-filled horizon. The clouds were dark and heavy, much like the night before. It looked like it would rain soon.

“I won’t be marrying Shigeru. I’ve decided to terminate the engagement.” I paused for a moment to let my words sink in, but didn’t look at either of them just yet, “I’ve already spoken with him and he has agreed to let me break the news to the council. I just wanted you to be aware of what was going on.” I finished, breaking my gaze off of the horizon and placing it on the men in front of me. 

Shikamaru was glancing over at my father, while my father was looking up at the sky. His face was unreadable, but that was not concerning, considering that it was him. There was a slight frown on Shikamaru’s face when he finally turned his attention back to me, but he didn’t seem to be upset. 

“Oh? And why is that?” his voice was measured, careful. 

“I- don’t believe that we are compatible. Despite the benefit of our marriage, it’s not something that I’m willing to go through with.” I spoke breezily, as I glanced back and forth between the two. 

One of Shikamaru’s eyebrows raised as he considered me and then spoke, “And are you prepared for the backlash that will come from this? I’m sure you’re aware that because your engagement has been highly public, people will not hesitate to show their dissatisfaction when this news is revealed.” 

“Yes, I’ve thought this through. I’m aware that many people will be upset.” 

Shikamaru nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, “Without Shigeru in the council’s ear, I’m afraid that anything we might do or say will be done in vain. Without him on our side, I doubt the alliance will be salvageable. He was its biggest supporter. Is that still where he stands? ” 

I shrugged, “I don’t know. We didn’t really discuss that.”

Shikamaru’s jaw clenched and he looked away for a moment. I could see the wheels turning in his mind as he thought, then he sighed and turned his eyes back to me, “Well, it’s your decision to make. If you think you’re doing the right thing by not marrying Shigeru, all we can do now is figure out how we can soften the blow. Honestly, we will suffer a huge loss if this alliance is rejected, but all that we can do now is make sure that we keep it as peaceful as possible if that does happen. We don’t want to create any enemies here.” 

I nodded, “I understand. I’ll do my best to handle the situation appropriately.” 

“I’m not sure that it would be the best idea for you to be involved with this anymore. Seeing you go unpunished for your actions might cause some resentment to arise. I think it’s best for you to step away from this, maybe head home and let us try to salvage what we can.” He said, glancing over at my father and, when he did not react, back at me.

“You’re asking me to leave? I’m being punished for deciding not to get married?” I asked, voice beginning to waver.

“No. You’re not being punished at all. I think I can speak for everyone when I say none of us believe in or want you punished for something like this, but this isn’t Konoha. It’s different here. They’re still stuck in the past in many ways. I’m only trying to present you with the most plausible strategy.”

I clenched my jaw, gritting my teeth. I wanted to argue, but I knew that he was right. The only thing I could do if I stayed here was cause more damage. Me leaving was the right decision, but it was a huge blow to my pride. 

“Fine. Okay. I’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning.” I tried my best to sound as calm and collected as possible.

Shikamaru shook his head, “The sooner the better. It’s best if you leave the council meeting to us and leave once we’re done here.” 

Another unintentional blow to the gut, but I simply nodded my head. 

Finally, I looked at my father, who was still looking up at the sky. I wondered what he was thinking. 

As if feeling my eyes, he looked at me, “Is that all?” He asked, and I felt my heart drop into my gut at the dismissiveness of his words. I felt like crying, but I just scowled instead and nodded. 

Shikamaru looked between us and nodded slowly, “Then we’ll be off then. Have a safe journey home, Sarada. Debrief the Hokage on the situation and expect a message from us to follow.”  
As they raised their hands to disappear, I quickly grabbed at my father’s shirt sleeve. Shikamaru vanished, leaving my father and I standing there together. As I looked at him, I could feel every bit of anger that had built up in side of me beginning to boil, ready to spill out of my mouth. 

“Is that all that you have to say?” I asked, a bit too harshly. 

He looked at me through narrowed eyes and then back up at the sky as if he were going to find the answer there. 

“What else is there to say?” He asked calmly, “You’ve made your decision. Now, the consequences must be dealt with.”

I tore my hand away from his sleeve and scoffed, shifting my eyes to the grassy training field just beyond the shadow of the tree we were standing under. 

“What would you like me to say?” he’d let his hand fall to the side. I could see the line of his profile in the corner of my eye, looking at me now. 

I looked away from the grass, meeting his dark, mismatched eyes with a deepend scowl, “Anything! but you’re just standing there like you don’t care about anything or anyone.”

He kept his eyes one me, but his expression didn’t change, “Would you like me to lecture you? Are you expecting me to tell you that you’re wrong and that you’re making a mistake?

“I don’t care! Just say something so that I know what you’re thinking!” I pleaded, finally gaining a reaction from him, although it was just a frown. 

“Sarada, this is a decision that you and only you can make. My opinion doesn’t matter.” He returned.

I groaned and lifted my hands to my face, then threw them down at my sides into fist as I spoke, “It matters to me! I care what you think.”

He was silent as he considered me, then his voice came out as even as ever, “What I said last night, I meant. I trust that you’ve thought this through and I’ll respect your decision.” 

I could feel tears beginning to form in my eyes, but I tightened my jaw and refused to let them fall, “You don’t even want to know why?”

He answered calmly, “I know why. You told us why, even though you and I both know it’s not the entire truth.”

Realizing that I had further revealed myself, I blew out a shaky breath and looked away, closing my eyes. He knew why. What did that mean? Did he know that Boruto was a part of this? It was likely. I mentally kicked myself for asking those stupid question the night before. I’d made my feelings for Boruto too obvious by asking them. And if he did really know, did he care? He seemed not to, but that fear still lingered in the back of my mind, and his words from before were beginning to make sense now. His doubts had echoed in my own mind only a few hours earlier. 

“I’m afraid that no matter what I do, it will be a mistake.” I whispered.

The weight of his hand was heavy when it landed on my shoulder. He squeezed it lightly, then let it fall back to his side, “Mistakes are a necessary and unavoidable part of life. It’s in these moments that we are able learn the most about ourselves. Don’t let the fear of making a mistake prevent you from doing what you feel in your heart is right, and if it ends up being a mistake, all you can do is try to learn from it. I’ve made many wrong decisions. I’m made my share of mistakes in my life, but you are ultimately in charge of your own fate. ” He paused, before sighing and then looking back up to the sky, “As for your relationship with Boruto, do I think it’s a mistake? I’m not sure that I’m in any position to place a judgement on that either way.... I’m not sure if that’s what you want to hear from me, Sarada, or if you’re waiting on someone to give you permission to make this decision because you feel it to be selfish, but I can’t do that and you shouldn’t let anyone else hold that kind of power over you either. Trust yourself, believe in your decision, or it will be doomed to fail from the start. The village will not be destroyed because you decided to choose love over duty.” 

I was crying now, not like I was before though. These tears came silently, as my father’s voice quieted and I stared at the grass swaying in the breeze at his feet. I nodded, unable to speak because of the large lump in my throat. Without another glance or word, I turned and walked away, following the dirt path up toward the village. As I reached the gate, I turned to look back over the empty field. When my eyes found the tree we had met under, the clouds in the sky had already moved to blot out the dark shape of the tree on the grass and the space where my father had stood was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sarada is having such a hard time right now. :( Also, I know that the conversation between Sarada and Shigeru was painfully short, especially because this was their official "breakup" scene, but there is a reason for that! You'll just have to wait and see! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


End file.
